book review

August 28, 2016

A Fellow Failed Missionary {a review of ‘Assimilate or Go Home’}

Missionaries are the elite. Sometimes assumed to have the “highest calling” a Christian can have, they are asked to speak at the pulpit, gather small groups in crowded living rooms, share color-saturated slides of exotic peoples and lands, put out glossy monthly newsletters and receive money from well-wishers. They are the darlings of the church—proof that those sitting in the pews on Sunday mornings do, in fact, care about the lost. And at the very least, the pew-sitters go themselves for a week or two to sidle up to and admire the work these long-term warriors are doing on the front lines.

I should know.

I’m a recovering missionary myself.

So when I came across the work of D.L. Mayfield recently, I felt an instant bond and got my hands on her new book Assimilate or Go Home: Notes from a Failed Missionary on Rediscovering Faith as quickly as I could. I was not disappointed.

Having written for McSweeney’s, Christianity Today, Relevant, Geez, The Toast, and Conspire!, among others, Mayfield is an experienced story-teller. This, her first book, is a collection of candid, wry essays that illustrate her lofty aspirations to save communities of refugees she entrenched herself among in America. Though she does not berate herself per se, she humbly concludes each snapshot of her do-gooder attempts by admitting that the results were rarely as she hoped. As a white woman reaching out to refugees and those in the low income housing where her family lived, Mayfield illustrates a slow coming to terms with her own savior complex, privilege and ignorance. Instead of making converts, she was reminded of the impoverishment of her own soul.

Through heart-breaking, sometimes hilarious, stories, she begins to internalize the truth that Henri Nouwen proclaimed, that “When we are not afraid to confess our own poverty, we will be able to be with other people in theirs.”[1] Ministry as she knows it is turned on its head as she discovers that the person who most needs saving is herself.

***

As a person who was also “called to missions,” I lived six months in Uganda, taught in an inner city school in Chicago and served five years in China. I can relate to many of the struggles Danielle wrestles with in her book. Like her, as a teenager I drank from a steady stream of missionary biographies, impassioned sermons and pleas to be “sold out and radical” for Jesus (which always meant selling everything, rejecting white picket fences and secretly judging anyone else who didn’t feel similarly called). I did the Christian college thing, went to the hard places and tried to live the radical life. But then I was called somewhere I never intended to be: right back where I started.

It wasn’t until I returned to the “normal” life of the “uncalled” that I began to understand the extent of my own poverty as I no longer embodied the shiny Christian label of “missionary.” I was just me.

***

In a recent interview on the podcast, Relief, put out by The Englewood Review of Books, Mayfield states that her new goal in life is no longer to save the world, but is now “to save her own people, the evangelical do-gooders.” While the book spotlights her own misplaced motives, she indirectly points out the deficiencies in white evangelical Christianity that seek to be generous without the commitment of long-term relationship, hospitable without being willing to live among the poor or bold in evangelism without regard for the culture, language or background of those they are trying to serve.

Assimilate or Go Home is a necessary read for any and all who aspire to be the “do-gooders” and world changers. Similar to Barbara Kingsolver’s fictional work about a bumbling missionary family in Africa, The Poisonwood Bible, I would venture to say that this should be in every do-gooder’s library as a study in humility and even, at times, a study in what NOT to do.

So in Mayfield, I’ve found a kindred spirit. She is another bent, broken, humbled and slowly maturing follower of Jesus who is realizing that the way up is the way down, the way forward is the way backward, and the way to life is through death–to herself, her dreams and her propensity to make herself the hero of her story.

***

“The Way of Jesus is radically different.

It is the way not of upward mobility but of downward mobility.

It is going to the bottom, staying behind the sets, and choosing the last place.”[2]

~Henri Nouwen

***

[1] Nouwen, Henri. “August 19.” Bread for the Journey. New York: Harper Collins, 1997. Print.

[2] Nouwen, Henri. “June 28.” Bread for the Journey. New York: Harper Collins. Print.

~~~

Buy the book Assimilate or Go Home: Notes from a Failed Missionary on Rediscovering Faith and check out Danielle’s blog!

~~~

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July 1, 2016

Monthly Mentionables {June}

The month of June enveloped us with her open arms as my husband and I left our children with the grandparents and took our first week-long vacation in San Diego without kids. We marveled at the silence and relished the rest and opportunity to get to know one another again after the past four years of being in survival-mode with little ones. It was wonderful.

On the tail of that came The Readjustment to Real Life. (Ahem, reminding our children, who had a vacation of their own, that mommy and daddy do things differently than mimi and papa). And just as soon as it seemed that life was back to “normal,” I plunged into potty training BOTH my children.

But thanks to the vacation, where I put my phone aside for an entire week, I was able to indulge in reading, do a bit more self-education about race issues and listen to some fascinating new podcasts. Here’s some of what’s been blowing my mind this month:

Books:

The Invention of Wings, by Sue Monk Kidd
The Invention of Wings is written from the perspective of one white woman from a slave-owning family in South Carolina and the African American attendant she was “given” as a girl. The chapters alternate between these points of view and walk us through their lives as the United States begins to awaken to the injustices of slavery. The themes regarding race, women’s rights and the role of history and religion in the formation of our laws are discussions that are still applicable around our living room, at bars and certainly on the Internet today. Packed with imagery and symbolism, this book provided a great discussion for our first book club. I would certainly recommend that you explore its depths with a friend or two.

The More of Less: Finding the Life You Want Under Everything You Own, by Joshua Becker
Here’s a snippet of the review I wrote for this book:
This book is a practical how-to book for the minimalist novice looking to explore the benefits of a simpler lifestyle. As I already agreed with Becker’s concepts of minimalism at the outset, I didn’t need a lot of convincing and personally found the first half of the book to be purely common sense. But the second half of the book offered so much practical advice on how to actually incorporate minimalist ideas into the average American’s life that I found it to be a gem in the midst of so many books now available on this current trend…continue reading

Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion, by Gregory Boyle
This is one of the most powerful stories I’ve read about real lovers of Jesus doing the hard work of living and working among the poor right here in the U.S. Gregory Boyle breaks the mold as a fearless, potty-mouthed priest who moves into the ghetto of Los Angeles. An expert story-teller, Boyle poetically juxtaposes stories of loss alongside humor in a way that dunks you into the emotions and reality of life on the streets again and again, but still leaves you gasping for breath (and sometimes even laughing) at the end of it all. If you are in the market for a true and inspiring story about a man making a difference, buy it right now (don’t make the mistake of checking it out of the library like I did–you’ll want to underline this one!).

Unashamed: Healing Our Brokenness and Finding Freedom from Shame, by Heather Nelson
Shame is a buzzword that is rising to the crest of discussions on identity and self not just in the world of psychology, but also in society at large. This book provides a much-needed seat at the panel discussion of shame as it delves into this topic from an overtly Christian perspective. Heather Nelson clearly pinpoints the shame that is so prevalent, though often unrecognized, in the life of the Christian, and offers hope through holding that shame up to the cross of Christ. If you are a follower of Jesus who is at all familiar with the work of Brene Brown on the topic of shame, then you will find this book to be a powerful and necessary compliment to her work as it address the topic from a biblical angle. (And this is the first book I’ve ever read that was written by a real, live friend of mine! I’m in awe.)

Podcasts:

Code Switch: Race and Identity, Remixed
I’m so excited about this new podcast. It‘s a group of journalists of different races that talk about some of the hard issues surrounding race. I really appreciated the first episode I listened to and it gave me lots to think about: Can We Talk about Whiteness?

On Being with Krista Tippet
Oh my. I’m obsessed with Krista Tippet’s VOICE (so I just may love people with great voices…). It is so soothing. In addition to that, she is one of the best interviewers I’ve ever heard. I’m really enjoying this very professional, deep and insightful podcast with some of the best thinkers alive today.
Revealing Ramadan
Michelle Alexander–Who We Want to Become: Beyond the New Jim Crow

Sorta Awesome
I now feel like these ladies are my friends, so I love just listening along and always come away with some new book to read, recipe to try or fad to explore. It’s positive listening in a heavy world, so I appreciate that so much!
The Good, the Bad, and (Rarely) Ugly of Blogging

The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey
Jamie is such a laid-back, down-to-earth host and she has some incredible friends on the show. I loved this one with Jen Hatmaker, who is just as hilarious in person as she is in her books!
#50 Jen Hatmaker

Coffee + Crumbs
I sort of binge-listened to this podcast this month. It feels like listening to a few mom friends chat about everything I’m thinking about these days, so I loved it!
#2 Making Mom Friends
#3 It’s Their Day Too
#4 Mommy Doesn’t Go to Work
#6 Potty Training is the Worst

Thought-Provoking Articles from the Web:

I Used to Lead Tours at a Plantation. You Won’t Believe the Questions I Got about Slavery., by Margaret Biser for Vox

“The site I worked at most frequently had more than 100 enslaved workers associated with it— 27 people serving the household alone, outnumbering the home’s three white residents by a factor of nine. Yet many guests who visited the house and took the tour reacted with hostility to hearing a presentation that focused more on the slaves than on the owners.”

One Small Square, by Lisha Epperson for The Mudroom (The Mudroom actually did an entire series on race during the month of June that was fabulous.)

“There’s a difference between contemplative silence and a quiet birthed from fear. I found myself knotted up in the latter and afraid to admit it. It’s the kind of quiet that kills and makes hope a commodity you think you can’t afford. It’s also easier, but would never lead to the kind of redemption I sought. It was time to still my silence, unleash the internal verbal parrying to the page as prayer – to move forward in courage.

A reawakening happened as I zeroed in on the heartbeat of my everyday world. Surely I could handle one small square. Using a teaching technique that’s worked well with my children, I leaned into the specifics of my piece of the quilt – my portion. I got clear on the questions I needed to answer. Who do I want to be to my family and community? How do I want to show up in the faith communities I’m called to and how I can I align myself with the gathering of courageous ordinary people doing the work of justice in their daily lives?”

The Heartbreaking Reality of Raising Black Children in America, by Jacalyn Wetzel for the Huffington Post

“As a mother of two black boys, I have to be extra vigilant in making sure they understand how their presence can make people feel threatened, while at the same time help them understand they have value. I have to have a conversation with them when they get a little taller about how they will “fit the description” most of the time, and how to react when they do. Sometimes the reason for being pulled over is because you’re brown and the sad truth is, if you don’t act in a manner that is completely compliant, you can get a jolt of a Taser or worse. As parents our goal should be raising a boy in America, not raising a black boy in America or a (fill in the blank) boy in America.”

This ‘Hamilton’ Star Validated What So Many Women Feel–But Rarely Say Out Loud, by Jennifer Gerson Uffalussy of Fusion

“I would just love to say that if you know anything about me, I have spent the last 10 years of my life—what some would consider the life blood of a woman’s career—just trying to have children. And I get to testify in front of all of you that the Lord gave me Benjamin and Brielle and he still gave me this,” she shared from the stage, holding her statue…”

When Happily Ever After Isn’t Easy, by Ashley Hales at her blog

“Because ultimately the strength of that covenant doesn’t rest on words we said when we were just babies. It rests on the great I AM who says he will never leave us or forsake us, who runs to welcome his wayward bride, who clothes us with the robes of family. He is the rock of ages and, on that foundation, we can keep placing our little wooden marital pew.”

White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack, by Peggy McIntosh

This article has been around for 30 years, but I’m ashamed to say that I am just now reading it. To learn about white privilege, read through the checklist (there are 50 total) and see how many you would say “yes” to…

I can if I wish arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time.
If I should need to move, I can be pretty sure of renting or purchasing housing in an area which I can afford and in which I would want to live.
I can be pretty sure that my neighbors in such a location will be neutral or pleasant to me.
I can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be followed or harassed.
I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented…

White Privilege and What We’re Supposed to Do About It, by Kristen Howerton at her blog, Rage Against the Minivan

“Simply put, privilege refers to an unearned advantage. It usually refers to something inherent . . . something you were born with rather than something you worked for. There are many types of privilege: economic privilege, gender privilege, heterosexual privilege, and of course . . . racial privilege. Racial privilege can take many forms, from minor things to life-threatening things. White privilege can look like being able to grab some shampoo at the grocery store and being confident they carry products for your hair type. White privilege can look like being able to find a band-aid that matches your skin tone. White privilege can look like waling through an upscale residential neighborhood without anyone wondering what you are doing there. White privilege can look like wearing a baseball cap and baggy pants and no one assuming you are a criminal.”

Recipes:

So I mentioned we were on vacation for a week, right? And the potty training thing…? It was a bit tricky getting back into the swing of cooking, so I went with a lot of invented recipes this month involving some combination of bean/grain/roasted veggies/feta for suppers that I won’t bother you with. I did try these out, though, and would recommend them:

Colorful Beet Salad with Carrot, Quinoa and Spinach {Cookie + Kate}
We actually ate this as a meal, but it would make a great side for a cookout or potluck since it’s so pretty. I didn’t have a fancy spirilizer, so I just used my vegetable grater and that worked fine.

Lemon Raspberry Muffins {Cookie + Kate}
I made a big batch of these before we had a week of house-guests and they were a hit. I love anything with lemon and fruit, so it was a great find for me. And because they were healthier than your normal muffin, I had no hesitations in giving them to my kids for snacks.

Published Posts:

Chicago’s Uptown at You Are Here
(I love the essays on this site–if you are into the connection of place and identity like I am, then you should head over and read more!)

“A fire engine shrieked through the stoplight, casting a light show in my room and spraying the bare white walls with color. Even through closed windows, the sound was deafening. Within minutes, an ambulance from the hospital in the other direction bayed and bounded through the intersection. I rubbed my eyes. The city had assaulted me through the night, pushing away any hope of restful sleep. The thought of coffee propelled me out of bed….continue reading

A Book for the Budding Minimalist {The More of Less} at Blogging for Books (excerpt above)

In Case You Missed It on Scraping Raisins:

Overcoming Smartphone Addiction

“A monarch butterfly sailed on the wind as I sat waiting for my latte at an open-air coffee shop in San Diego. I watched it glide, dip and twirl around the men and women busily setting up tables and canopies for a weekly farmers’ market. Suddenly, I realized that I wouldn’t have noticed this spectacular solo performance just a week ago. Nose-down, scrolling through any number of messages, alerts and notifications on my phone, I would have missed this simple dance on the wind…continue reading

Potty Training a Strong-Willed Child

“If you are not currently a parent of toddlers or preschoolers, please feel free to skip this post or pass it along to someone who is in this stage of life–I won’t be offended. But hopefully this will be helpful to those of you in the middle of this insane time of life where we actually get excited about our kids’ poo…continue reading

Loving Like They’re Lost

“My babies are my tattoos. When I gave birth to them, my flesh ripped and I was left with beautiful, forever scars. I’ve been branded. Altered. These tattoos are a display of the divine artist who chose the intricate motions that would sear my skin and create the unique patterns of each child. Like a fresh wound, motherhood leaves you vulnerable and exposed. Motherhood sensitizes you to pain, but also to raw joy… continue reading

My Friends Are Books: Finding More Time to Read

“… My husband and I call books our “friends.” When we decided to declutter and minimize our possessions before our move last year, my husband sifted through more than one thousand of these old pals to choose which ones to say goodbye to. It was a painful parting.

Just as any relationship evolves, so, too, our on-going affair with reading. I was that kid in elementary school, narrowly missing smacking into other students as I walked the hallways with my head buried in a book. I read billboards, cereal boxes at breakfast and shampoo bottles in the shower. Anything with words would do…continue reading

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What have you been up to this month?

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Here's some of what's been blowing my mind this month.

June 20, 2016March 5, 2018

A Book for the Budding Minimalist {The More of Less}

A Book for the Budding Minimalist {A Review of The More of Less by Joshua Becker}

Usually the concept of “minimalism” evokes images of eliminating our creature comforts, meditating in bare white rooms or downsizing to a tiny home in Montana. But in The More of Less, author and blogger, Joshua Becker, sets out to convince us of the paradox that living a minimalist lifestyle will not strip away, but actually enhance the life we were meant to live.

This book is a practical how-to book for the minimalist novice looking to explore the benefits of a simpler lifestyle. As I already agreed with Becker’s concepts of minimalism at the outset, I didn’t need a lot of convincing and personally found the first half of the book to be purely common sense. But the second half of the book offered so much practical advice on how to actually incorporate minimalist ideas into the average American’s life that I found it to be a gem in the midst of so many books now available on this current trend.

Becker humbly incorporates the wisdom of other popular minimalist gurus in his discussion and his bibliography offers a wide range of resources for those looking to do a more in depth exploration of minimalism.

Becker’s clear and relatable writing style gives readers the “guy next door” impression that might empower middle class Americans to feel that they, too, might be able to make some simple changes to their life of excess.

While other currently popular books on minimalism focus on decluttering or organizing possessions, Becker makes a wider sweep and considers how being more intentional about the number of our kitchen utensils, clothes or cars also impacts our family, friends, goals and aspirations to make a difference in the world.

Most other resources about minimalism today focus on the individual benefits to self and the ways we will have happier lives as we purge our possessions, but Becker reveals how having more time and money will enable us to help others through volunteering, giving and generally just having more time for people. Becker points out that our choices to intentionally own less will free up our time and finances so that we can be a blessing to others. This—not just personal happiness—is what he describes as the paradox of “the more of less.” He says, “It’s about having a smaller material lifestyle so you can experience a bigger life, full of passion and purpose. Own less to live more” (212).

If you are looking to live a more counter-cultural lifestyle and transition from feeling controlled to being in control of your possessions, finances and time, then this book is for you.

~~~

I received a free copy of this book from Blogging for Books in exchange for writing this honest review.

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May 24, 2016

Lessons from The #MotherLetters

Last week my almost two-year old and almost four-year old joined forces and put their tantrum-throwing, shrieking, obstinate little heads together to make me question not only my calling as a mama, but my credibility as a decent human being. It was a rough week. So reading again through the book, The Mother Letters: Sharing the Laughter, Joy, Struggles, and Hope, today to prepare for this post has been like pouring healing salve on still-open wounds. As I read the book of letters compiled by Seth Haines for his wife, Amber, for the first time a few weeks ago, I often wept as I drank in the words of other mamas around the world with similar inner struggles during this challenging, yet magical, season with little ones.

Here, I’ve listed ten of the most common themes I noticed throughout the book with a quote or two under each category, but this is just a sliver of the wisdom that this book offers to moms everywhere looking for a shoulder to cry on or a warm, empathetic embrace on the journey of motherhood. Please read it yourself. Designed in letter form for moms with very little quiet time, it would make a perfect companion to morning coffee or as before bed reading.

Here are ten recurring themes from The Mother Letters that I will revisit in the days, weeks and years to come:

1. Slow down and cherish the little moments.

“Slow down…Living a slower life, you can see things more clearly…We all know they grow up fast. All the more reason to slow down.” Ann Kroeker, “Blink”

“I should take some time to appreciate today’s little wins…each day brings its own small delights that eventually contribute to the great victory of seeing our children grow up to be joyful, productive, appreciative, competent people.” Katie Meyering, “Victories”

“Time goes by too quickly. Cherish it all…” Lisa Douglas, “Cherish”

2. Don’t forget you are a person, too.

“Mama, you need to do the things that make you feel like a person…being a whole person makes you a better mother.” Sarah Bessey, “Calling”

“Find some small fragment of time. Find a place where you can be alone with your thoughts. Close your eyes and remember who you are.” Tammy Zufelt Thomas “Queen”

3. When we are weak, then we are strong.

“Ours is a power that comes straight from weakness.” Amber Haines, “A Final Letter”

4. Your children belong to God first.

“Who am I to worry about them when they’re God’s first? Will God not take care of his own far better than I ever could?” Laura Bull, “Worry”

5. Your presence is your greatest gift.

“Your children don’t need you to enroll them in eight hundred activities, to keep the cleanest house, or to entertain them. They need you to be there. Practice the art of sitting. Watch your children play…prove to them by your stillness that you will be there. That you are listening.” Lora Lynn Fanning, “Being”

6. You are your child’s perfect mother.

“This has nothing to do with perfection or being perfect and everything to do with God gifting you to steward their lives.” Robin Dance, “Perfect”

“Over time, I am noticing that I don’t parent out of guilt or my own agenda as much as I used to, because I realize God has equipped me as he sees fit.” Rachel McAdams, “Trust”

“I know God chose me to mother my kids.” Kristen Welch, “Presence”

7. Choose gratitude.

“We will walk this road to the end—no changing that. But we will choose how to walk; chained and bent by bitter disappointment or hands and face freely raised in praise. Our choice…Walk the road, but look for the beauty along the way. And when you find it, rejoice.” Tonia Peckover, “Live”

“Whatever your path to motherhood was, I pray that you can take a moment to be in awe of your children and the fact that they are your children.” Rebecca Whitson, “Together”

“…I try to remember that I could have missed all of this, and I choose to smile.” Carlee, “Here”

8. You are doing a fabulous job.

“There will be so many times you feel like you’ve failed. But in the eyes, hearts, and minds of your children, you are Super Mom. You are their world.” Stephanie Precourt, “Super”

9. God will give you what you need.

“We’re not alone on this journey. God has given us these little people to shepherd for a time, but they are his. When life is overwhelming and dark and exhausting, he is there. When it is precious and thrilling and magical, he is there. Is. 40:11 promises us, ‘He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.’” Shannon Lowe, “Shepherd”

“I have learned to trust that God, who made me a mother, equipped me to meet the needs of my special child.” Kari Clark, “Unexpected”

10. Motherhood is hard…but it is good.

“A thousand, thousand voices raised together across the centuries in the wild chorus of motherhood that soars over all you thought you would be and transforms you into all that Christ believes you can become. The stretching doesn’t end after the first nine months. Nor does the joy.” Lisa-Jo Baker “Anthem”

~~~

Thank you to Seth and Amber Haines for adding more voices to the chorus of motherhood through sharing these precious letters.

~~~

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March 22, 2016

KonMari Krazy {The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up}

Oh, I had high hopes for this book, and the title promises that your life will be transformed by a few simple steps as you first declutter your home, then put every object in its rightful place.

I believe most people in America, myself included, live excessively. This is probably one of the reasons that this book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying-Up, along with many other books, articles and podcasts on minimalism have become so popular. We at least recognize the need to change and to reduce the materialism in our lives. Amen to that.

This book certainly offers solutions for that kind of change. I’m just not sure how practical the solutions actually are.

~~~

Immediately after reading the book, I of course convinced my husband to spend our Saturday kids’ nap time sorting through all of our clothes.  “She said we have to sort by category, not by room,” I told my husband. “First clothes, then books, then miscellaneous items, then sentimental stuff. But we have to start with clothes and we have to spread them out on the floor.”

He looked less than thrilled. So in line with the KonMari method, I started by pulling out every stitch of clothing that I own and spreading it on the floor in our bedroom. I tried not to nag too much as I noticed my husband placing a few items in neat stacks on the bed, leaving the rest to eyeball in his drawers.

“Now,” I said, “we have to hold every item and ask ourselves, ‘Does it spark joy?’ And if it does, then we keep it.  If not, it goes.”

“That’s what she says to do!” I said, as I caught a slight eye roll.

We skipped the advice on folding a certain way and stacking clothes in drawers vertically so you could see all of the items at once (mainly because I already wrestle my sheets into submission rather than fold them and don’t iron clothing, so why would I create more stress for myself?)

We managed to round up three garbage bags full of clothes that didn’t “spark joy” just as the kids woke up from their naps.

~~~

This all took us about two hours and did not include going through all of the children’s clothes in drawers, bins and closets throughout the house. According to the KonMari Method, all the sorting of every category is to be done all at once so you can enjoy the feeling of accomplishment and (ahem) never go back to your untidy ways again.

If you are a parent, then by now you’re protesting loudly in your head (or audibly as I did while reading the book), “Um, what are you supposed to do with your kids as you: 1. spread everything out on the floor, 2. fondle each item, reflecting on the joy it brings you, 3. move on to the next category, 4. repeat, and then 5. actually put everything in a reasonable location so you will never have to tidy again (her promise)?

This book needs a sequel with modifications for those of us with children who rage against tidiness.

~~~

The author is Japanese, so there are definite signs of her culture and religion coming through her writing (which I find fascinating) as she treats her possessions like people, thanking them for supporting her throughout her day. She greets her house as she comes in the door and unloads her purse every.single.day. so that it can have a rest for the night from doing its work (naturally). Throughout the book, she reiterates that being surrounded by things that spark joy is what makes people happy.

I agree that many of our problems are tied to our possessions, but I don’t believe that our joy should come from them.

The best part of reading this book for me was the constant permission and encouragement to purge–even if there’s still a very remote possibility you might read or wear an item in the future. Sometimes you just need someone looking over your shoulder, saying, “Yes, you should give that away. Just do it!” Marie Kondo is that voice of tough love. So while I can honestly say that while my possessions may not all “spark joy” within me, through reading this, I am inspired to declutter and take control of my environment rather than allow my possessions to control me. And that is something to spark some joy.

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February 22, 2016

Looming Transitions {Book Review}

Are you either preparing for a transition or already weathering one? In Looming Transitions: Starting and Finishing Well in Cross-Cultural Service, by Amy Young, you’ll feel like a good friend is holding your hand as you ride the waves of change. It is specifically written for those preparing to live abroad or those coming home, but many of the truths throughout the book are applicable to any of life’s transitions.

Having spent over 20 years living in China, Amy returned to the states a few years ago. She writes out of her vast experience interacting with goers, stayers and returners and offers practical and wise advice on staying grounded in Christ, packing, and the messy emotional aspects of cross-cultural transition such as shifts in identity, loneliness, grieving losses and grasping God’s new plan.

Amy acknowledges the challenges of leaving “home,” and yet offers hope that life will go on in spite of this transition. Throughout the book, she refers to the long-view the farmer takes of his field and the care given to ensure that it is fertile. She makes the comparison that we are to keep our souls fertile through our transition, which may require us to “let roles or locations or seasons of life die so there is space for the new to grow” (p. 12).

As someone who personally experienced a rocky re-entry after returning from living in China for five years, I wish a book like this had been available to give me better perspective on the emotions I was feeling at the time.

Amy Young was actually in leadership in my organization at the time I made the decision to go home and I remember being nervous to tell her that I was leaving China and would most likely get married and not return. I will never forget her response to me. “Life is long,” she said. “The longer I live, the more I realize that life is long.” Written concisely and eloquently, this book rings with the grace and peace of that statement. It is a reminder that while we get wrapped up in the momentary stress of our transition and begin to define our lives by it, God sees the big picture. His main concern is that our souls remain fertile not just for this season, but for all those to come.

Thank you, Amy, for writing such a poignant and needed book. I will be returning to it throughout the transitions in my life. You have blessed many already.

~~~

Amy Young is currently on the leadership team of Velvet Ashes–an online community for women in cross-cultural service. She also blogs regularly at The Messy Middle.

Buy Looming Transitions at Amazon here!

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Related Posts:
A Blessing {for those returning}
Book Review: The Art of Coming Home
Resources for Re-entry
Introduction: 31 Days of Re-entry

Previous Post~ Motherhood & the Big Picture
Next Post~ 10 Quotes for Writers {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}

*Graphics courtesy of Amy Young

January 31, 2016January 13, 2017

Monthly Mentionables {January}: Books, Podcasts, Music, Movies, T.V., Recipes & Articles

These links and recommendations come from conversations, podcasts and Facebook posts I came across in January. I love lists, so I thought you might enjoy reading about what I stumbled on this month. Add your own in the comments!

Books:
All the Light We Cannot See, by Anthony Doerr
I stuck with this even though it took me until about 2/3 of the way through to get into it. The main reason I did was because the writing is so wonderful that you get caught up in the sheer beauty of the images, even though you don’t feel like they’re actually leading you anywhere. Not my favorite, but it was certainly worth the read.

Wild in the Hollow, by Amber C. Haines
This is a memoir of a woman moving from her wild past into womanhood and the way she carries her past into her present. Boiled down, it is not a new story, but it is so well–written that I read it in two days. Amber studied poetry and it really comes through in the writing. Her images are startling at times, but their newness brings so much freshness to the way she talks about God and family. It is a beautiful story.

Podcasts:
Magic Lessons, by Elizabeth Gilbert
Elizabeth Gilbert is like a cheerleader for artists. Listening to the first two podcasts helped give me permission to pursue this compulsion I’ve had lately to write. They’re only 20 minutes each and wonderful for anyone who is feeling guilty about pursing art (you’ll stop that).
Episode 1: Do What Ignites Your Soul
Episode 2: Cheryl Strayed to Moms: Pursue Your Passions Like a Mofo

This American Life
These two podcasts really got me fired up. I mean, I wanted to call senators, write letters and jump into protests. They are about segregation in America and about a few communities that have either chosen or been forced to integrate the schools. As a child who grew up under forced integration in Tampa, FL, and later was a teacher in a magnet school that bused kids at least an hour out to go to school in a white neighborhood, I found these to be fascinating. And horrible. Please, if you listen to anything this year, listen to these two podcasts.
Part I: The Problem We All Live With
Part II: The Problem We All Live With

Music:
Walk Off the Earth: Adele, “Hello,” cover
This is thanks to my friend, Roxanne, who posted it on Facebook. Thanks–I’ve had this song in my head for the past week! This is a new group to me and I love their creativity. This one is pretty awesome, too–they all play the same guitar!

Movies:
Infinitely Polar Bear, with Mark Ruffalo
This was a fun indie film about a man who is bi-polar and trying to parent his children while is wife is away getting a degree. It takes place in the late 70’s, so I kind of felt like I was watching Sesame Street from my childhood years in the 80’s. It didn’t change my life, but it was heart-warming and entertaining.

Sisters, with Tiny Fey and Amy Poehler
I’m actually kind of embarrassed to admit that I saw this. Okay, it was hilarious, but very raunchy. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone unless they were on their first girl weekend away in Chicago without kids in four years (like I was;-) )

T.V.:
Broadchurch
Loving this British mystery series about a murder in a small, beautiful coastal town in England. Adam says it reminds him a lot of The Killing, which I haven’t seen. We’re really enjoying the filming, music, pace, acting and scenery.

Recipes, all from Cookie + Kate:
Spinach Artichoke Lasagna
This is a really unique dish. Not surprisingly, my son actually gagged when we made him take his obligatory one bite, but don’t let that deter you. I really liked that it uses cottage cheese instead of ricotta since I’m not a huge ricotta fan. And the artichokes give it a tangy flavor. I’d make it again.

Homemade Vegetarian Chili
This was surprisingly good for not having meat. And it wasn’t too spicy–my one year old even ate it! It’s a good go-to chili dish.

Thai Red Curry with Vegetables
I was really excited about this one because I love coconut milk, but it was a little disappointing. It was just missing something. Can’t say what, but if I make it again, I may add more red curry paste and add the red pepper flakes straight into it while it’s cooking. My kids didn’t eat it anyway, so I may as well have made it spicy the way we like it.

Healthy Banana Bread!
I almost made another loaf using my regular recipe just in case this was awful, but it was actually really good! I’m not sure if I would actually call it “healthy,” because it still has a good amount of honey and/or maple syrup (I used half of each), coconut oil and of course I had to add chocolate chips. But I was pleasantly surprised. You couldn’t even tell it was 100% whole wheat flour. I’ll be making this again.

Sweet Corn and Black Bean Tacos
This was probably my favorite of the new recipes I tried this month and as a bonus, my kids actually ate it! I didn’t trust fresh corn this time of year, so I just let the frozen corn thaw as it marinated and it tasted fine. I also used whole wheat flour tortillas instead of corn ones because that seemed redundant with the corn filling. This dish has all my favorite ingredients: cilantro, lime, corn and feta! Yum.

Recipe, Food Network:
Lasagna Soup
I made some changes to this one: Since I don’t like ricotta, I cut up mozzarella cheese sticks and used those instead (delicious after they were warmed by the soup!), I also didn’t top with Parmesan cheese (since I used mozzarella), skipped the cream because I didn’t want it to be so rich, and in the last few minutes of cooking, I put in a few handfuls of fresh spinach to increase the veggie quotient. So good. This was delicious and I think it would freeze well, so it would be an easy recipe to double.

Subscribed to:
Book Bub
Daily list of deals on either free or super cheap ebooks. Haven’t downloaded any yet, but it seems good so far.

The Skimm
This is a very pared-down version of a daily news update delivered to your email inbox. I wouldn’t use this as your only news outlet, but it simplifies it enough that it is very easy to understand. My main complaint is that it reads a little like it’s “news for dummies.”

NY Times morning briefing
Loving this so far. Just short snippets of news with links to articles if you want to know more.

Articles from the Web:
Aldi is Fixing its Biggest Weakness–and that should terrify Whole Foods

How to Build a Capsule Wardrobe and Winter 2016 Fashion Capsule Wardrobe Project

The Christian Introvert

A Question of Environmental Racism in Flint

“Tragedy” in Flint

Clothing bales and hurting more than we help

Scraping Raisins:
January’s most-visited post: What Love Looks Like After Five Years of Marriage

New weekly series for writers and artists: Thursday Thoughts for Writers

Visit my first published article at Velvet Ashes, an online magazine for women serving overseas: When You Feel Spiritually Dehydrated…Again

What did you come across this month that you’d like to add to the list?

Last Post: Thursday Thoughts for Writers~The Compulsion to Write
Next Post: White People Are Boring

Linking up with: Emily P. Freeman and Literacy Musing Mondays and Leigh Kramer

December 19, 2015January 13, 2017

Favorite Books in 2014 & 2015

Here are a few of my recommendations from what little I have read over the past two years. (Since I didn't begin blogging until this year and I read some really fantastic books last year that I'd like to mention).

My husband reads about seventy books a year, so I am always a little embarrassed about how little I read in comparison (though, to be fair, he IS an audio book narrator, so he counts those books as well). But for what it’s worth, here are a few of my recommendations from what little I have read over the past two years. (Since I didn’t begin blogging until this year and I read some really fantastic books last year that I’d like to mention).

Books I Loved Best:

The Poisonwood Bible, by Barbara Kingsolver
I can’t believe it took me so long to read this incredible book. I first tried to read this in college before well, life, and I just wasn’t ready for it. The characters, imagery, themes, style, and depth of research were amazing (she spent 10 years researching for it!). Loved it. I feel like this is a book everyone who wants to go into missions should read as a manual of what not to do.

Bringing up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting, by Pamela Druckerman
I’m a sucker for a good book on cultural differences and this book has had a huge influence on my parenting, from what I feed my babies (anything I eat) to helping them sleep through the night (if they can do it in France…). But it mostly just gave me peace of mind that there is not only ONE way to parent because someone somewhere in the world is doing it differently than I am and their kids become responsible members of society (as an aside, watch the documentary Babies to help you feel better as a mom–you can always tell yourself, In some countries, kids eat dirt and they still grow up into healthy adults).

Practicing the Presence of People: How We Learn to Love, by Mike Mason
Mike wrote one of my husband and I’s favorite books on marriage, The Mystery of Marriage, so we knew we wanted to read any other books he has written. This book has sat on our shelf for over a year and it wasn’t until this season where I am trying to figure out how to make new friends in my 30’s after moving to a new place that I finally picked it up. I underlined over fifty percent of the book, so apt were his words, as if he were speaking right to my soul. His writing style is beautiful and so profound that you feel deeper just by reading it.

Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, More Secure Kids, by Kim John Payne and Lisa Ross
This book has also been a major shaper of my parenting style and after reading it I promptly got rid of over half of our toys (so beware!). But I loved how scientific it was and the ways it illuminated much of what our society deems as needs for kids are actually wants.

7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess, by Jen Hatmaker
Similar to Simplicity Parenting, this book challenged much of my thinking about the sheer amount of stuff we have in our house. I love Jen’s hilarious writing style and relatability. I can’t say that I actually did everything that she suggested, but it caused me to take stock of my life and all that might be excessive about it.

Gift from the Sea, by Anne Morrow Lindbergh
I can’t believe I never read this before. I loved the lyrical style and timeless essays on womanhood. Her writing reminded me of Annie Dillard, but with fewer descriptions of bugs;-)

Family on Mission, by Mike Breen
This book was recommended to me by a friend who is trying to put this style of ministry into practice. This year, I feel that it has shaped my perception of ministry as the Breens encourage people to invite people into your life and come alongside your family instead of having ministry be compartmentalized from your real life.

Peace Like a River, by Leif Enger
A fiction novel, this book was beautifully written and had characters that you could truly fall in love with. It touches on the possibility of miracles and rings with themes of redemption and forgiveness. I was swept into the story immediately and couldn’t put it down.

Shanghai Girls and Dreams of Joy (sequel), by Lisa See
While I was living in China, I wasn’t as interested in reading books about China, but since I’ve been back for five years, I find I’m growing nostalgic. I loved this book and its sequel as it was well-written and spanned many years of Chinese culture including Shanghai during the dawn of the cultural revolution, immigration to the U.S. and later life back in China in a labor camp. Having actual characters in a story always helps me to better understand history, so I appreciated these books and feel they were very accurate to what I have read and experienced of Chinese history.

Also Worth the Read:

Non-fiction:
Fit to Burst: Abundance, Mayhem and the Joys of Motherhood, by Rachel Jankovic

Mom Enough: The Fearless Mother’s Heart and Hope, by multiple contributors from Desiring God

Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art, by Madeleine L’Engle (this was the fourth time I’ve read this–one of my all time favorites)

Wonderstruck: Awaken to the Nearness of God, by Margaret Feinberg

How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm and Other Adventures in Parenting (From Argentina to Tanzania and Everywhere in Between), by Mei-Ling Hopgood

Sacred Parenting: How Raising Children Shapes Our Souls, by Gary Thomas

The Friendships of Women: The Beauty and Power of God’s Plan for Us, by Dee Brestin

Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, by Ina May Gaskin

Natural Hospital Birth: The Best of Both Worlds, by Cynthia Gabriel

Fiction:
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society, by Mary Ann Shaffer and Anne Barrows

Some Kind of Fairy Tale, by Graham Joyce

Among Others, by Jo Walton

The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green

Unbroken, by Laura Hillenbrand

(For those who don’t know about it, I would highly recommend using the website Goodreads to keep track of what books you have read, want to read and are currently reading. It connects you to other friends and I often get my book recommendations from there.)

I have about 100 books on my list of books to read, which at this rate is going to take me about 10 years! My goal this year? Read 20 minutes (at least!) a day. We’ll see if I can do it…

What were your favorite books this year (or last)? I’d love to get some new recommendations!
Do you have any reading goals this year?

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Next post~The Truth About Family Advent

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Linking up with: Literacy Musing Mondays and Booknificent Thursday

October 24, 2015January 13, 2017

Day 24: The Call to Displacement {31 Days of Re-Entry}

I just don’t fit in here. Will I ever belong? Will I always feel like an outsider? Will I make a difference?

These are questions I asked myself after moving across the globe to live in rural China, but this was certainly not the first time I had asked them. I thought this after changing schools multiple times during elementary and middle school, beginning high school and college, and moving to Chicago to begin teaching in the inner city. I have asked them for the past five years since returning from China and over the last six months after moving to a new city in the U.S.. Life thus far has been a series of shifts and faults in the earth that I have falsely assumed should be stable ground, leaving me scrambling for stability and significance.

I first read the book Compassion, written by Henri Nouwen, Donald McNeill and Douglas Morrison, sitting on a straw mat on the front porch of a house in a village on the outskirts of Kampala, Uganda. I was 21 and just learning what it meant to feel “displaced.” I have come back to a particular chapter in the book several times over the past 15 years, called “Displacement,” through multiple moves and job changes, to be reminded of God’s view of my shifting world. It is a bit abstract, but I have found it to be so helpful in putting the transitions in my life into perspective that I am sharing many of the parts of the chapter that I have starred and underlined over the years with you.

Moving from the Ordinary and Proper Place
Christians love to talk about community. This book mentions that the “desire for community is most often a desire for a sense of unity, a feeling of being accepted, and an experience of at-homeness” (62). But the authors challenge that “the paradox of the Christian community is that people are gathered together in voluntary displacement. The togetherness of those who form a Christian community is a being-gathered-in-displacement.

According to Webster’s dictionary, displacement means, to move or to shift from the ordinary or proper place. This becomes a telling definition when we realize the extent to which we are preoccupied with adapting ourselves to the prevalent norms and values of our milieu” (63).

The authors suggest that “The call to community as we hear it from our Lord is the call to move away from the ordinary and proper places. Leave your father and mother. Let the dead bury the dead. Keep your hand on the plow…The Gospels confront us with this persistent voice inviting us to move from where it is comfortable, from where we want to stay, from where we feel at home” (63).

“Why is this so central? It is central because in voluntary displacement, we cast off the illusion of ‘having it together’ and thus begin to experience our true condition, which is that we, like everyone else, are pilgrims on the way, sinners in need of grace…Voluntary displacement leads us to the existential recognition of our inner brokenness and thus brings us to a deeper solidarity with the brokenness of our fellow human beings” (64).

The authors illustrate Jesus as the ultimate reason why we should move towards displacement through the examples of His birth in Bethlehem, being taken to Egypt to escape King Herod, leaving His parents to be in the Temple, going to the desert to be tempted for 40 days and continually moving “away from power, success and popularity in order to remain faithful to His divine call…Jesus’ displacement…finds its fullest expression in His death on a cross outside the walls of Jerusalem” (65).

To Disappear as an Object of Interest
The authors do warn against romanticizing displacement, as many who have been displaced for tragic reasons are broken and feel that they have suffered irreparable damage. But in this, followers of Christ are called “to solidarity with the millions who live disrupted lives” (66).

“Voluntary displacement leads to compassionate living precisely because it moves us from positions of distinction to positions of sameness, from being in special places to being everywhere…To disappear from the world as an object of interest in order to be everywhere in it by hiddenness and compassion is the basic movement of the Christian life. It is the movement that leads to community as well as to compassion. It leads us to see with others what we could not see before, to feel with others what we could not feel before, to hear with others what we could not hear before” (67).

Struggling with the desire to be distinctive, significant and extraordinary, some of my biggest hurdles in life have come when I have not felt useful. I first experienced this in Uganda when I found that my presence was often more of a detriment and burden than an asset because I could not speak the language and was just learning about the culture. I lived with an African family and their maid who cooked for me, carried up my water from the river, cleaned my room and washed my clothes. When I offered to help with the dishes, my host mom told me she didn’t think I could get them clean enough. Proud and indignant, I set my alarm for 5 am the next morning and quietly took my place in the yard next the maid to scrub pots and pans.

Now, I am currently wrestling with not only not living overseas, but being a stay-at-home mom in a very homogeneous neighborhood in America. I have certainly “disappeared from the world as an object of interest” and struggle with guilt over not living the radical life I once thought I would live. But the chapter addresses my current struggles in the following ways:

“The implications for each of us individually vary according to the specific milieus in which we live and our concrete understandings of God’s call for us…for many people it does not even mean physical movement, but a new attitude toward their factual displacement and a faithful perseverance in their unspectacular lives…Therefore, the movement toward compassion always starts by gaining distance from the world that wants to make us objects of interest” (67).

Recognizing Our Displacement
“What does this mean for us in terms of voluntary displacement? If voluntary displacement is such a central theme in the life of Christ and His followers, must we not begin by displacing ourselves? Probably not. Rather, we must begin to identify in our own lives where displacement is already occurring. We may be dreaming of great acts of displacement while failing to notice in the displacements of our own lives the first indications of God’s presence” (71).

“In our modern society with its increasing mobility and pluriformity, we have become the subjects and often the victims of so many displacements that it is very hard to keep a sense of rootedness, and we are constantly tempted to become bitter and resentful. Our first and often most difficult task, therefore, is to allow these actual displacements to become places where we can hear God’s call” (72).

“It often seems easier to initiate a displacement that we ourselves can control than freely to accept and affirm a displacement that is totally out of our hands. The main question is, ‘How can I come to understand and experience God’s caring actions in the concrete situation in which I find myself?’…God is always active in our lives. He always calls, He always asks us to take up our crosses and follow Him” (72-73).

Displacement is not primarily something to do or to accomplish, but something to recognize…We do not have to go after crosses, but we have to take up the crosses that have been ours all along. To follow Jesus, therefore, means first and foremost to discover in our daily lives God’s unique vocation for us” (73).

“The more we are able to discern God’s voice in the midst of our daily lives, the more we will be able to hear Him when He calls us to more drastic forms of displacement…But everyone must live with the deep conviction that God acts in her or his life an equally unique way…when we have learned to see Him in the small displacements of our daily lives, the greater call will not seem so great after all” (74).

How has moving away from the “ordinary and proper places” helped you to be more compassionate towards others? Where in your life is displacement already occurring? How have you heard from God in this?

~~~~~~

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This post is day 24 of the series “Re-entry: Reflections on Reverse Culture Shock,” a challenge I have taken to write for 31 days. Check out my other posts in the series:

Day 1: Introduction
Day 2: Grieving
Day 3: No One Is Special
Day 4: Wasted Gifts
Day 5: I Never Expected…
Day 6: Identity: Through the Looking Glass
Day 7: Did I mishear God?
Day 8: When You Feel Like Shutting Down
Day 9: Caring for your Dorothy
Day 10: You’re Not the Only One Who’s Changed
Day 11: 12 Race Day Lessons for Serving Overseas
Day 12: Confessions of an Experience Junkie
Day 13: Longing for Home
Day 14: Readjusting: Same Tools, Different Work Space
Day 15: Book Review: The Art of Coming Home
Day 16: The Story of My “Call”
Day 17: Is Missions a “Higher Calling”?
Day 18: And Then I Fell in Love
Day 19: Is God Calling You Overseas?
Day 20: Life Is Not Seasonal
Day 21: What I Took and What I Left Behind
Day 22: Groundless, Weightless, Homeless
Day 23: When the Nations Come to You
Day 24: The Call to Displacement
Day 25: Scripture Anchors for Re-Entry
Day 26: In the Place of Your Exile
Day 27: Resources for Re-entry
Day 28: A Time for Everything: A Prayer of Leaving
Day 29: Journal: 8 Months After Re-Entry
Day 30: 12 Survival Tips for Re-Entry
Day 31: A Blessing
(Day 32: Writing is Narcissistic (And Four Other Reasons Not to Write)–a reflection on this Write 31 Days experience)