Leslie Verner

March 19, 2016

Skinny Dipping and Lazarus

In the darkness…

~~~

My first experience skinny dipping was at a summer camp in the Smoky Mountains of North Carolina the summer before my senior year of high school. Two girls and I snuck out of our cabins after lights out and giggled and tripped along the path into the woods. We eventually found our rebel river destination, peeled off our cutoff jean shorts and thrift store T-shirts and stepped into the cool water. Easing into the water, we made an unfortunate discovery: the water was too shallow. We sat there hugging our knees and gazing up at the stars until small fish noses started tapping our thighs and eventually prodded us back out of the water into the silky black night.

Through that entire experience, the flashlights stayed resolutely “off,” because the beams would have not only exposed our nakedness, but other creatures that might have been lurking behind trees and on rotten logs. The darkness felt safe. The light, exposing.

~~~

My roommates had gone to bed and I decided to stay up and finish watching a romantic movie. I was twenty-four and teaching middle school in Chicago. Two of my three best friends were nearing engagement and I was always struggling with one crush or another on guys that didn’t know I existed. As I watched that movie about two teenagers falling in love, a well within me seemed to break and I sobbed uncontrollably. What if I’m never loved like that?

~~~

At twenty-six, I had believed he was “the one.” Truly believed it as if the words had been spoken audibly to me by God Himself. That’s how much faith I had put in this boy in spite of it all. I offered my whole heart, and one year later, the boy handed it back. I don’t want it, he seemed to say. (But really it was something along the lines of “I prayed and it isn’t God’s will…”). Confusion, grief and doubt polluted my soul.

But then Lazarus. The story of Jesus allowing his friend Lazarus to die and then raising him from the dead was in my morning reading. And then in a small group meeting that night. A message for me. It all seemed so purposeless and cruel. Why allow Lazarus to die when you plan all along to raise him to life again?

And yet when Jesus heard the news that Lazarus was dead, he cried. Though he knew the end of the story, he wept right there with them.

~~~

This morning my children miraculously slept in past 6:30 am, so I shuffled around in the kitchen, contemplating waking them up with the coffee grinder, when I noticed the pink lines through the blinds. Pulling them open, the brilliant sun burst through the clouds, piercing the sky with an almost unnatural light and color.

I threw open the back porch door, grabbed my phone and trudged through six inches of snow in my slippered-feet to capture this moment in time. With a phone camera. Not surprisingly, the phone image was pathetic in comparison to the original. Sighing, I turned back inside, leaving my drenched slippers on the door mat and warming my toes by the hidden heating vent by the floor of the kitchen sink. As I made coffee, I glanced back outside, waiting for the sun to overtake the sky. Instead, it had disappeared almost entirely behind the clouds. A wasted sunrise after so much potential.

Much like a dead King Jesus coming back to life only to disappear again. So promising, so hopeful, so much cause for jubilation and delight. Finally! But then, like the sun, he was gone. What a disappointment.

Until.

Until the day He reemerges from the clouds to take over the entire sky. The day the sky breaks into song and even the darkest clouds are used as a backdrop for the most exquisite sight we’ve ever seen.

But for now, He weeps with us. He skinny dips with us. He shrugs away our guilt and shame. And He holds our hearts gently after they have been mistreated and rejected.

Until that day.

~~~~~~

This is for Addie Zierman’s #NightDriving synchroblog celebrating the release of her new book Night Driving: A Story of Faith in the Dark using the prompt: “It was dark when ________ you wouldn’t believe what I saw in the light.”

~~~~~~

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March 18, 2016

The Ugly Truth about Diversity

I am a white girl in a white city and I would never identify myself as a racist, but how many people of other races would actually call me “friend”?

Until recently, my family lived in Chicago and our neighborhood reflected many colors, languages, sexual orientations and ages. Our apartment building housed a Muslim Indian family and two married lesbian couples. Nepalese women lounged on straw mats at the playground and moms wore hijabs and pushed children in strollers. We were often the only Caucasians at the grocery store as my son and I mingled with grannies who would pinch his cheeks and bless him in other languages. Over the years, I was a teacher in three different schools throughout the city: one was 100% African American, another was in Chinatown and a third was a magnet school with students of all races and socioeconomic backgrounds.

Diversity is what I miss most about living in Chicago.

But though we were exposed to the world’s flavors, colors, textures and sounds, I often felt like an imposter. Was I actually friends with anyone who looked different from me or spoke a different language from me? Had they been to my home or had I been to theirs?

Do we wear diversity as a badge, patting ourselves on the back for being racially diverse without actually entering into any relationships with people of other races and cultures?

Living in a diverse city may feel hip, but brushing shoulders with someone is not the same as knowing them.

Diversity has become just a trendy word, often devoid of actual relationship.

This year, we moved to a city that is 93% white. Now, I’m wondering how to expose my children to diversity without accosting the first person of another race that we meet and begging them to be our friend.

So why is it so important to have friends that are different from us and how can we make them organically?

When we develop relationships beyond our color lines, the first wall to fall is fear. We fear what we do not know or understand. Personally, I had to overcome my fear of Muslims.

In 2004, I volunteered to help a missionary family for the summer. I ended up having only one offer–in Tajikistan. I was terrified to go to a Muslim country that was near Afghanistan (won’t I get kidnapped?). But when I finally made the decision to go, my prejudice unraveled. The country was ruggedly beautiful, the culture was fascinating, and the Tajiks were kind, hospitable, and generous. And I quickly found that once I had relationships there, I no longer felt afraid.

Later, I lived for five years in a Muslim area of China, where I visited my students in their homes and shared meals with their families. Even now, when I meet visitors to the U.S. from other countries, I feel indebted to the kindness I experienced from my Muslim friends in China, and am quick to ask them how they are faring in America.

In 2013, I volunteered to help some Saudi Arabian college students practice their English. One of the girls, a devout Muslim, ended up living with us for a year. She ate with us, joined us on vacation and camping trips and babysat our children. She became a part of our family.

She visited us recently and over tortilla soup and bread, she told us how four of her female Saudi friends in four separate large cities have had individuals follow them and tear off their head-coverings (hijabs). She said she no longer wears hers because she’s petrified. This is our dear friend, who my children call “aunt,” so we were livid.

It made the injustice personal.

Though my children have one person in their life who is of another race, she is the only one right now. And I’m ashamed of that. So how can parents of children living in predominantly homogeneous areas of the country ensure that we and our children form friendships with people who look different from us?

For that to happen, we can’t just stay in the stream we are in, floating along and being swept by the current. We need to turn around and swim against the push. Or possibly, we need to jump out of the water all together and change streams.

One way is to intentionally live in diverse neighborhoods with diverse schools. We can also visit universities near us that have international students, many who will never set foot in an American’s home in all their years in America. Many cities have ESL classes with volunteer opportunities to help international students or immigrants practice English. Every city has enclaves of people who are different from us if we are willing to look.

When we develop relationships, the fear of the unfamiliar seeps away and is replaced by understanding. It is replaced by love. And if we are Christ-followers, we are called first to love God, then to love our neighbors. And we can’t love someone until we know them.

These friendships change our perspective when we hear that another black teen has been shot, because we not only know of someone like him, we’ve had them in our homes and we’ve been to theirs. We have empathy because we no longer hear “single black male,” on the news, we hear “My friend, Justin, who plays video games with me and likes pepperoni pizza.” Or when we hear “Muslim man held under suspicion,” we think, “My good friend, Ahmed, with the belly laugh who likes to tell silly jokes.”

When our friends experience injustice, it gets very personal, very quickly. And though one friendship will not topple the tower of racism in our country, it will cause it to quake just a bit.

~~~~~~

How many true friends do you have who are different from you?

If you are in a very white city, what do you do to ensure that your children are exposed to diversity?

Resources:
Why Christian Parenting Includes Talking to Your Kids about Race

This Shalom in the City podcast hosted by Osheta Moore with special guest, Megan Tietz, the host of the podcast, Sorta Awesome, who shares why she and her husband chose to send their children to failing schools on purpose.

On Race, Rights & Raising a Black Son: An Interview with Rachel Yantis An interview with a friend about how her perception of race in our culture has changed now that she has to see the world through the eyes of her African American son.

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March 17, 2016

3 Myths of Perfectionism {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}

As a former teacher, I’m the sort of person who gets distracted by typos in the song lyrics during a church service. If someone’s blog post has more than three errors, it’s hard for me to keep reading. And with my own writing? I am constantly fighting back the demons shouting at me, Who do you think you are? It’s not good enough!

Do you struggle with perfectionism as a writer?

These are 3 of the myths of perfectionism that I’ve been striving to overcome when those voices just won’t keep quiet:

1. My writing is not good enough.
Everything that I write is a part of my journey as a writer and as a person. I have really enjoyed Sarah Bessey’s writings and though she recently deleted over 1,000 blog posts from her archives, she said that each one had been a personal altar for her where she met with God. Sometimes writing is just personal. (She also likes to call herself a “good-enough-ist,” which is oh-so-encouraging).  Blogging is a place where I explore areas that God is intersecting with my life. At times my blog is my altar where I, too, can personally meet with God.

But often writing is public. I’m learning to trust that though I will not be changing the world through my writing any time soon, I may have the opportunity for one other person to stride next to me and share my journey for a while. And this makes it worth it.

2. If I revise again and again, then eventually it will be perfect.
I probably read something I’ve written about 20 times before I hit publish (double that if it’s a submission somewhere other than my blog). I also beg my husband to proofread every.single.post I write. Though I still think that you shouldn’t sacrifice certain aspects of writing because of laziness, I also know that I need to cut back on the revising.  When it turns from being responsible to being obsessive, I just need to publish the thing. Margaret Atwood said, “If I waited for perfection…I would never write a word.”

3. I just need to wait longer to publish what I’ve written.
I’ve had some pieces sitting as Word docs for months. I’m just waiting for…what?  It is mainly out of fear that the well will dry up and that tomorrow will be the day I run out of ideas. To continue on the Sarah Bessey train, I love the post she wrote called In Which Art is Like Manna. She writes, “Art is like that daily manna-bread to me. There is always enough for the day. Gather it, eat it while it’s there, turn around and release it by sharing it.” I need to trust that God is always going to provide for each new day of writing.

~~~~~~

The truth is that good enough IS enough. As you let go of the expectations and pressure that you place on yourself and simply write out of the pleasure of living and writing about living, that is when your writing is “good enough” to share with others.

In his blog post, Overcoming Perfectionism, Jeff Goins says, “Art is not perfect. Art is human. And I want to create beautiful art. Not stale perfection. I don’t want to “get it right.” I want to make it beautiful.”

~~~~~~

In what ways do you struggle with perfectionism?

Resources:
6 Ways for Writers to Overcome Perfectionist Tendencies, by Jeff Goins, has some great advice (and the comments from others are super helpful as well!)

Related Posts:
Bread & Fish

Art & the Alabaster Jar

Writing is Narcissistic (and 4 Other Reasons Not to Write)

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3 Myths of Perfectionism {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}

On Thursdays this year, I’ll share thoughts, tips and inspiration for writers. I’m certainly not an expert, but am simply seeking personal encouragement in this art and want to share with anyone who’s also trying to find their way as a writer. These short posts will come from books, articles, the Bible, my own thoughts, and other people. Subscribe in the upper right corner so that you don’t miss a post. If you’re new to the series, find all the posts here. Come meet me in the comments–I’d love to read your thoughts on writing.

Happy writing!

Leslie

http://www.foreverymom.com/how-talking-to-your-kids-about-race-helps-fulfill-the-great-commission/

March 14, 2016

On Race, Rights & Raising a Black Son~An Interview with Rachel Yantis

Today I want to introduce you to a friend of mine from Chicago, Rachel Yantis. Rachel launched the business Like Me Like You Kids in 2015 with a vision to curate beautiful products that allow children of color to see themselves in the art, books and toys they interact with daily. She also hopes that children of all shades would grow up appreciating the gift of diversity. Rachel is married to her college sweetheart, Mike, and they are enjoying being parents after more than twenty years together!

I recently interviewed her and thought you would benefit from hearing her views on race, rights and raising a black son.

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1. Why did you begin Like Me Like You Kids?

In September 2012, our lives were changed by the arrival of a darling baby boy into our home. Of course any parent will attest to the entirely new outlook one has after a child is added to one’s family.

Our outlook has changed for multiple reasons: a) the way in which he entered our family — through foster care; b) the fact we are different races (he’s African-American and we are Caucasian); and c) the life-altering reality of being responsible for another human.

I have always been sensitive to issues of justice and fairness. But, I now have what I call a second lens on the world. The thoughts I have about society and the fears I have for him are different and sometimes difficult.

Reflecting on my own ignorance is challenging. I know things will only become more complex as he grows older, but in his baby and toddler years, our main focus is on him forming a positive identity as an African-American boy.

The difficulty in finding books, toys and art that truly reflects him is what has inspired me to do something to help shine a light on great books and products that exist and help develop new products in the future. And, this isn’t just for our own family.

The reality is that by 2019, children of color will outnumber white children in the United States. So, my real hope is that every family will be thoughtful about having books and toys that reflect the children in their own home but also the children they will encounter out in the world. This inspired the start of Like Me Like You Kids.

2. How has your thinking about race issues changed through having a black son?

Mainly, it is personal. And, it shouldn’t have to be personal to matter, but seeing the world through the eyes of someone you love is a powerful teaching tool. As I mentioned earlier, I have been finely attuned to issues of injustice ever since I was a kid, and this certainly included people being racially discriminated against.

But, I think it has been through friendships with people of color, seeing the truly different way they encounter the world (and the world encounters them), that has changed my perspective.

It haunts me.

Why should I be given the benefit of the doubt in almost every situation because I am white and middle class? It’s hard to think about and I think most of us don’t want to.

The problem is that awareness of it requires change. It requires education. It requires advocacy. It requires courage. Like any parent, I would do anything for my son so when there is even a hint of someone giving him a narrower glance because of race it sends me into a rage.

This happened recently on a trip and while somewhat prepared for it intellectually – emotionally, I wasn’t. He is THREE years old. What could he possibly have done to inflict fear in a grown (white) adult?

Experiences like that prove that racism is real. And, it is terrifying. I should add that he has older siblings who do not live with us, so I actually have the opportunity almost weekly to be with him and his eighteen year old brother.

There’s no doubt that the world reacts differently to them and frankly, the processing of that is almost too painful to dive deep on.

3. What are some of your fears for your son’s future?

I suppose at a base level, many fears are the same as they would be if my son were white. I want him to be a godly man filled with character and living out the gifts God has given him – whatever those end up to be.

But, I think about safety. I think about mistaken identity. I think about stop-and-frisk. I think about the white umbrella and wonder how long he will be underneath it with us.

He is very emotionally intelligent so even beyond physical safety, I worry about his sweet spirit being injured in some way because of an encounter over race. I believe we are in a bit of a honeymoon phase right now. He is young, adorable, personable and has great hair (!!) – people want to be around him. But, he’s close to the age where he is going to (with my teaching and encouragement) tell people to stop petting his afro.

He will attend school and depending on where that is, we could begin to see the realities of educational inequities. I wonder if things will be blamed on being black rather than just regular ol’ bad decisions or lapses of judgment that all kids have.

I wonder when white women will begin to clutch their purses when he walks by. Will anyone ever cross the street to avoid walking by him? It is almost too much to bear.

I think beyond that and the obvious “driving while black” concerns, I wonder if our family will find the right community of support as a transracial family.

We really need the support of people who are able to see the complexity of us and who won’t wish away the racism that exists and that reality for our son as he navigates the world.

4. What resources have helped you as you parent a son who is a different race from you?

-Personal conversations are invaluable, of course. My friend, Leila, is also fantastic at forwarding me resources.

-I am reading books like: Between the World and Me, Honky, In Their Voices: Black Americans on Transracial Adoption, The Great Migration

-I follow blogs like: Rage Against the Minivan, Flower Patch Farmgirl, White Sugar Brown Sugar, A Musing Maralee, Dr. Brenda Salter McNeil, Black Girl in Maine, Austin Channing

-I follow the news for stories about race and get notifications from The New York Times on race-related stories.

~~~~~~

You can find Rachel at www.likemelikeyoukids.com and on Instagram as likemelikeyoukids. Visit here to shop for great gifts that reflect diversity and here to visit the Like Me Like You Kids blog for more thoughts on race and diversity.

We’d love to hear some of your thoughts and experiences in the comments. Rachel will be available to respond!

~~~~~~

Related: The Ugly Truth about Diversity

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"In September 2012, our lives were changed by the arrival of a darling baby boy into our home."

March 10, 2016

The Well is Deep {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}

Happy writing!

Leslie

The Well is Deep {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}~ Where are you finding your water? In the well of self or the well that is full of Living Water that will never dry up?

I recently picked up my small faux-leather Oswald Chambers devotional again and, like a painting that seems to be gazing at you wherever you are standing, it always has a message for me.

I’ve been trying to write two to three posts a week and so far I haven’t run out of things to say. And yet I’m finding that the problem isn’t always what I say, but where I find my inspiration. In our humanistic society, we are made out to be the source of our own lives. We are meant to be self-sustaining and self-focused. The theme of life is that if we do not find happiness within ourselves, then we are out of luck. So I think our first instinct as writers sculpted by society is to dig into ourselves to find truth.

As a Jesus follower, I would tell you that I don’t agree with this, but as a car with wheels out of alignment eventually begins to swerve off the road, so, too, can I find myself in the ditch as I align with society’s message instead of with my Master Teacher’s.

And so Ozzy’s words on February 27 bore holes in me:

“Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw water with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water?” (John 4:11)

“The well is deep–and even a great deal deeper than the Samaritan woman knew…Jesus doesn’t bring anything up from the wells of human nature–He brings them down from above…The impoverishment is in us, not Him…We struggle to reach the bottom of our own well, trying to get water for ourselves…The well of your incompleteness runs deep, but make the effort to look away from yourself and look toward Him.”

Where are you finding your water? In the well of self or the well that is full of Living Water that will never dry up?

As a writer who is also a believer in the creator and sustainer of life, I long for my words to originate from the Source of all life and not merely from myself. I want to draw from that well. And it is encouraging to know that as long as I am drawing my words from the Living Water, the source of my words will never dry up.

“Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you will get neither.”

~C.S. Lewis

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Do you ever have this struggle?

How do you practically stay connected to the source of Living Water as you pursue your calling as a writer? (I’m still working on this one, so I’d love to hear your practical solutions!)

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March 9, 2016

Friendship through the Layers

My aunt likes to give gifts in the form of the “birthday ball.” She begins with a small gift and wraps it in crepe paper until it is completely covered. Then she adds another object and wraps that gift as well. She continues this process until the final object is about the size of a basketball, but conceals at least ten different gifts.

I am this birthday ball.

My barefoot-in-the-backyard Florida childhood covered by my idealistic teen years, then by my baggy-clothes-no-makeup-wearing college self, then by my idealism-crushed early 20’s, then my living free in China self, then my married and fighting to be content in America self, and now my mother to teeny ones self.

I have layers. You have layers. Our layers usually lie dormant and unseen, though our oldest friends know the former versions of ourselves.

So as each year wraps yet another layer over my past experiences, I’ve found myself wondering how new friends will ever know the true me without knowing all that lies beneath the surface.

Last year our family moved cross country and I spent the first few months “picking up” women at the park or during library story hour. We visited nine different churches and at least five different small groups. Friendships, needless to say, have been slow in coming. I miss the ease of a friendly face who also knows my layers.

A wife and mother does not have the advantage of casually building relationships with women the way we did when we were single. Before I got married, I used to get so annoyed with the choppy conversations I’d have with moms while their children were around. Now that I have children of my own, I am still annoyed, but have realized that may be our only shot, so I’d rather feed my extrovert self with what little contact I can find than wait for perfect circumstances to connect.

During freshman year of college, I collected tons of friends, but most were of the “inch deep, mile wide” variety. It was my first discovery that more does not always equal better when it comes to friendships.

Though written in 1955, Anne Morrow Lindbergh could have easily written the following in present day as she says,

“For life today in America is based on the premise of ever-widening circles of contact and communication. It involves not only family demands, but community demands, national demands, international demands on the good citizen, through social and cultural pressures, through newspapers, magazines, radio programs, political drives, charitable appeals and so on. My mind reels with it. What a circus act we women perform every day of our lives” (p. 20, Gift from the Sea).

And this was pre-Facebook, smartphone and internet! The number of relationships we have can be overwhelming. Currently, I have 540 Facebook friends (my husband has twice that–but who’s counting?), and I’m also active on Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest. Now that I’m blogging, I add a “friend” or follower almost daily to my “ever-widening circle of contact.” Meanwhile, I’ve had a difficult time staying in contact with my life-long friends from the past and struggle with feeling guilt for what a bad friend I’ve become.

But last year an experience changed me.

Right before we moved to Colorado, I discovered that a friend I hadn’t seen since my wedding five years before was actually living in the city we were moving to and I didn’t even know it. I felt so ashamed that I had lost contact with her and fully expected her to treat me with coldness for being that friend who ditches all her friends just because she gets married.

I nervously dialed the phone to chat before our move. But instead of bitterness, this friend expressed only joy and excitement that we were going to live in the same place. Grace poured over me in that moment and washed me free of guilt. I was reminded that true friends understand, forgive and delight in the relationship.

So now I’m giving myself grace. I’m allowing myself to lower my expectations for how frequently I should be keeping in contact with old friends. We are all in the thick of it—marriage, children, careers, extended family, moves and callings. And my closest friends are unfazed by my lack of communication and truly understand.

It’s been eleven months since we moved. We finally found a church and are slowly beginning to feel at home. I’ve met a handful of women who I’ve connected with (in spite of them not knowing all my layers) and I’m trying to be intentional, but also to just be patient and relax. When I look back at who I now consider to be my closest friends, many of those relationships grew out of years of being together—and they weren’t always the ones I thought I would be close to at the time.

As I’ve begun to add more women to my circle, I’m beginning to have hope and believe that “kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It’s splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world” (Anne, from Anne of Green Gables).

Thank God for that.

So if you’re feeling lonely, remember that when it comes to friends, less is more. Give yourself grace. And be patient and relax, because the world has more kindred spirits than we know.

~~~~~~

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March 6, 2016

SAHMs and the Need to Create

“When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.”

~Maria, The Sound of Music

Almost four years ago, at the age of 33, I walked away from my teaching career, independence, and most aspects of my identity as I knew it.

My husband and I had made the intentional choice for me to stay home with our new baby.

Before marriage at 32, my personal and professional resume of experiences, travels and adventures attested to the advantages of singleness. As a result of a generally happy singlehood, the mourning period for that time of life has been unexpectedly long and difficult, though our marriage has been a joyous one.

The first year of staying at home was probably the sweetest. I had begun to feel burned out as a teacher and wanted nothing more than to be with my precious son every second I could. Having been extremely single by the time of my 30th birthday, I had begun to wrestle with the possibility that I might never marry or have children. So every day of marriage, pregnancy and cradling my new baby truly felt like a gift that I never expected to have. I soaked in his smell, stroked his soft head and didn’t even mind being woken up in the middle of the night to feed him because it meant we got to spend more time together.

But around the time I got pregnant with our second, I began to feel fidgety. Unsettled. Dissatisfied. Giddiness was replaced with groaning. Delight with discontent.

The change was subtle, but the desire to use my education and past experiences to feel the rush of problem solving and growing in knowledge increased.

Leaving my past behind had left a void that I wasn’t sure how to fill with the limited time and energy I had after caring for my son on a 24-hour basis. And as a Jesus follower, a part of me also knew that I would never find my identity in those places anyway.

So I started a blog (which I never told a soul about). I learned to sew. I painted furniture. And in 2015 I finally followed the impulse I’ve had my entire life and began to write—for people to actually read.

And I’ve begun to notice a trend. Stay-at-home-moms are creating. In the void left by careers and education, we are given the gift of expanding into our potential as creators. From sheer observation alone, this is the time of life that stay-at-home parents are most likely to begin an Etsy shop, start a non-profit or business, write a blog, explore a new art form or become serious about a hobby. I used to belittle women who would spend hours on Pinterest for their children’s parties when a friend said to me, “Hey, we need to get our creativity out in some way!”

Trees and plants are routinely pruned not so they will be miserable, but for their own well-being and growth. And in the place of the cut branches, new ones are allowed to grow. So it is with those who sacrifice to stay at home with a child. Though we may feel naked and strange without our careers, God does not leave us shivering and bare. He brings us new growth. New foliage. New life.

Women are incredible. If needed, they can work three jobs and raise children to go to college all on their own. They can give birth in a field and keep on working. They can keep ten balls in the air at once and make it look easy. They can earn as much as men and climb the corporate ladder just as stealthily.

But women are also creators. They are given gifts and talents that begin to ooze out if they are not given permission to flow. And today, I give you permission. Sometimes to love well, we need to use the gifts God has given us whether they make money or not. Whether they seem to be making a “dent” on the kingdom or not. Whether they serve our families or not.

As long as our desire to create does not supersede our commitment to God and our families, I believe that God will use our gifts to honor Him in ways we cannot imagine.

So create, mama.

We have the special privilege of co-creating with God as we experiment with what has been lying latent in us for so long. And I believe our families will benefit from the shade and life-giving fruit as we stretch out our branches.

What new windows have opened for you since your transition to motherhood?

~~~~~~

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Art & the Alabaster Jar
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Motherhood and the Big Picture

Last Post: When’s the Last Time You Did Something Terrifying?
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Linking up with #WholeMama and Arabah Joy

March 2, 2016

When’s the last time you did something terrifying? {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}

For me, it was last Saturday. Navigating the traffic and unquestioningly following my phone’s female voice through Denver, I pulled in the parking lot. Turning off the ignition, I took a deep breath, straightened my clothes and went inside. My first writing conference.

At least we don’t actually have to write, I thought.

Then they might discover my secret–that I am an amateur who is still struggling to label myself “writer.” The atrium was filled with people who were chatting, rifling through the materials and munching on pastries as I wandered around trying to look busy. Introvert writers are not ones to shoot the breeze with petrified newbies.

This conference was unique in that it was a collection of men and women who were mainly from Colorado who all had one other thing in common: Christ. We were there not only to grow in craft and practice, but in vision.

Having survived the conference (which ended up being very mild on the scale of truly “terrifying” life events), these are three things that greatly impacted my vision as a Christian writer:

1. Give the mundane its “beautiful due”
John Blase began his session with this quote:

“My only duty was to describe reality as it had come to me, to give the mundane its beautiful due.”

~John Updike

He asked each of us in the room the reason why we write and shared about two authors he loves, Kent Haruf and Richard Hugo, who have mastered making the mundane beautiful.

At the end of his session, my worst fears materialized: we actually had to write. He asked us to write for five minutes about a very ordinary topic–our favorite pair of shoes. As the published novelists and authors shared their five minute scribblings, I was astounded by the magnificent words they had crafted in such a short time. One woman somehow connected red shoes with the death of her mother and had us all in tears. It was amazing. Needless to say, I didn’t volunteer, but simply hoped that some of the talent in that room would seep into me.

But it inspired me to see my life through a new lens instead of trying to escape it to find something more fantastical and adventurous.

2. Take a risk
James Rubart led a session called “Stepping Out of the Shadows” where he shared a story about overcoming a personal fear. He challenged us to “flip,” or do the scary thing that we’ve been avoiding doing as way of exercising the freedom from fear and bondage that we have in Christ. He shared the following quote:

“You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.”

~Ray Bradbury

Through the Parable of the Talents, Rubart pointed out that our idea of success is very different from God’s and that God is more likely to ask, “With what you’ve been given, did you try?” This was very much in line with what God has been showing me lately about writing, so I was grateful for more encouragement to keep moving forward as a writer.

3. Don’t write for God or about God, write with God
Allen Arnold led a session about living in the “orphan realm” vs. living in the “freedom realm.” He reminded us that through Christ, God awakens orphans to their true identity to live in freedom.

He also emphasized that the creative process is never meant to be done alone. “If you can do it without God, you’re dreaming too small,” he said. He emphasized that the writer has the privilege of co-creating with God as we write the story we’re living.

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I drove the hour home Saturday in silence, soaking the truth, absorbing the words that had been spoken audibly and inaudibly to my soul all day. Peace. Joy. Holy motivation.

Permission. The thing I most needed and need every day so far as a writer. Permission to write. Reminders that this is good. That God is smiling. That we are in this together.

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What terrifying thing are you avoiding doing?

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Last Post: Monthly Mentionables {February}
Next Post: SAHMs and the Need to Create

Check out other Thursday Thoughts for Writers posts here.

Linking up with Coffee for Your Heart and Literacy Musing Mondays

On Thursdays this year, I’ll share thoughts, tips and inspiration for writers. I’m certainly not an expert, but am simply seeking personal encouragement in this art and want to share with anyone who’s also trying to find their way as a writer. These short posts will come from books, articles, the Bible, my own thoughts, and other people. Check back each week or subscribe for new posts. Please introduce yourself in the comments–I’d love to meet you and hear about your thoughts on writing.

Happy writing!

Leslie

February 26, 2016

Monthly Mentionables {February}

Though I joined the Smartphone World almost two years ago, it’s taken awhile for me to figure out exactly how to use it in the most useful, least annoying way. I’m still learning, and as you’ll see from some of the articles listed, I’ve begun to wonder if the line is beginning to blur between me controlling IT and IT controlling me…but that’s for another day and post. That said, there is a lot that has enriched my life this month that I wanted to share with you and I’d love to hear of any related resources you have found this month. Just leave a comment below the post! Also I’m attempting to figure out Twitter, so if you want to follow me, you can find me here. So far, I mostly feel like a schoolgirl looking in while the cool kids chat 😉

For what it’s worth, this is what I found to be “mentionable” in February:

Books (my goal is to read two a month, so done and done)
Beautiful Ruins: A Novel, by Jess Walter
Read this book to the end and you’ll find yourself in tears–most likely in a public setting, because, of course. The story shifts between present day and the 1940’s to show how the lives of several individuals intertwine. The characters are fascinating, but also believable. My husband and I loved the insider perspective on the entertainment industry.

Favorite quote: “There are only two good outcomes for a quest like this, the hope of the serendipitous savant–sail for Asia and stumble on America–and the hope of scarecrows and tin men: that you find out you had the thing you sought all along” (p. 284).

Looming Transitions, by Amy Young
Written for those either preparing to go abroad or returning home, I actually found so much of this book to be applicable to any of life’s transitions. You can read my review of Looming Transitions here, but this was probably my favorite quote (which I mentioned in my post “Motherhood and the Big Picture”):

“This transition will not become of the sum of your life…It’s natural for people to mark things in terms of before or after events: graduation, marriage, a certain job, a baby, a painful breakup, a big move, or a serious health issue. But those events don’t become the story. They become a page in the story or possibly the beginning of a new chapter. They join a plot larger than the transition each one creates. Part of staying fertile, then, involves reminding yourself of of the bigger picture–the bigger story–that came before and will live on after it” (pg. 37).

Apps/Sites
ThredUp
I haven’t actually used this yet, but ThredUp is an online thrift store/consignment shop that you can buy from and sell to. The great part about it is that unlike a real thrift store, you can do specific searches for exactly what you need. Lately, I’ve been thinking more about possibly buying all of our clothing second hand (though I haven’t actually made the commitment yet…), so this sounds like a great way to shop without having to go to a ton of stores.

Circle (with Disney)
I first heard about this from the podcast I listen to, Sorta Awesome. Though my kids are still young, this sounds like an amazing way for parents to keep track of all the devices in the house. From the site: “Manage all of your home’s connected devices. With Circle, parents can filter content, limit screen time and set a bedtime for every device in the home.” It costs $99, but the downside is that it’s only for Apple.

Oneplace.com
This is a Christian radio directory that a friend told me about where you can listen to sermons from hundreds of different people all in “one place.”

The 30 Second Bible Series
This is the introduction straight from the site: “The #30SecondBible series features dozens of voices reflecting on the Bible. From Genesis to Revelation, you will hear summaries of each book and reflections on the good news they contain. Follow along each day to hear progressive and liberal voices claiming the Bible as book that they know and love. This is the Bible for busy people, thirty seconds at a time.” A great resource if you have limited time!

6 Recipes I Tried This Month:
We’ve been trying to be more intentional about having people over (thus the lack of T.V. or movie recommendations this month), so it helped me to stay inspired to try out some new recipes. Here’s my take on the ones I tried (note that I didn’t necessarily LOVE all of these).

1. Eggs Benedict Casserole (Chew Out Loud)
This was amazing. A woman brought this to our Bible study and blew us all away. Just know that the cooking time takes longer than the recipe states and you should probably let it sit for about 10 or 15 minutes after you cook it, thus avoiding the situation I found myself in with 8 of my family members trying to get out the door and waiting on a liquidy casserole, resulting in plan B, bagels;-(

2. Sweet Potato and Green Rice Burrito Bowls (Cookie + Kate)
Though I used butternut squash instead of sweet potatoes, this turned out really great. My only problem was that it took longer than I expected and my kids didn’t want to eat green rice. So sad.

3. Healthy Mexican Casserole (Pinch of Yum)
If I make this again, I will definitely add some kind of meat because it seemed to be missing something. Other than that, it was very colorful and tasted good (enough) and we had lots of leftovers for lunches.

4. Spicy Fish Taco Bowls (Pinch of Yum)
The fish in this was ah-MA-zing. Yum. Pan fried crispy and slightly spicy, it was so delicious. The slaw was okay, though I made the mistake of trying to put the cabbage into the food processor instead of chopping it, so it had a strange consistency. And we noticed that the slaw had a bad odor the next day, though it still tasted fine. But other than that, I’ll be making this again.

5. Easy Crockpot Carnitas (Pinch of Yum)
I made this for a family of 6 who came over for dinner and everyone seemed to enjoy it. It didn’t seem like enough to just have the meat and tortillas, so I combined it with the Sweet Corn and Black Bean Tacos I made last month (from Cookie + Kate) and it was just perfect. Plus, it makes your house smell great all day long as it’s cooking up in the crock pot!

6. Creamy Chicken & Quinoa Broccoli Casserole (Pinch of Yum)
This was probably my least favorite new recipe this month. I didn’t like the texture of the quinoa in the casserole and it had kind of a strange BBQ flavor that clashed with the other ingredients. If I try this again, I may replace the quinoa with rice instead.

7 Articles from the Web:
1. A Stay-at-Home Parent is not a ‘Luxury,’ by Allison B. Carter, The New York Times

“I am not here to argue who works harder: a working mother or a stay-at-home mother. I stand firm on my belief that it is hard for everyone. What goads me are the financial and lifestyle implications this statement carries.”

2. For all the ‘World-Changers’ Now Driving a Mini-Van , by Ashley Hales, The Mudroom

“But what if “vocation” is not booming? What if vocation is small?

And what if, “calling” is actually doing something very tiny, so miniscule that no one even sees? What then? Is it still valuable?”

3. How I Quit My Smartphone Addiction and Really Started Living, by Jenna Woginrich, The Guardian

“I’ve been clean a year and a half now, and I’m doing fine. I get plenty of work, I don’t miss invitations, and I’m no longer scared of my own thoughts. These are not small victories in a world where constant communication isn’t just a convenient accessory – it’s a second skin.”

4. I’m White, but I Married the Son of a Black History Icon–and This Is What I Discovered About Color, by Cara Meredith, For Every Mom

“So, examine your privilege. Turn privilege into understanding, and let understanding guide you toward a desire to learn. Then, when your insides are itching and screaming and thundering for equality, let this desire be funneled into activism.”

5. Series from Christianity Today for women on sex: Why Christian Women Need to Talk About Sex

“Welcome to the first post in a series we’re calling The Sex We Don’t Talk About, exploring elements of female sexuality that rarely come up among Christians. While the church has grown more comfortable with addressing sex in sermons, seminars, and marriage books, rarely do we hear a female perspective on teaching meant for the whole church.”

6. This is actually a video: If This Video Doesn’t Convince You To Put Down Your Smartphone, Nothing Will

7. 60+ Marriage Resources for Christians, Sarah Bessey blog

“Some of these resources are theological in nature, others are more practical application. Some are overtly egalitarian while others simply embrace that theological position without labels. Most are overtly Christian, all are from diverse traditions, some are interfaith while others are appropriate for agnostics and atheists. You’ll have to see what works for you!”

New (to me) Blogs:
The Culture Blend
As someone who thinks and writes about crossing-cultures, this blog is a gem.

Small Town Laowai
In the mood to laugh? If you’ve spent any amount of time in China, this white woman’s take on China and culture clashes is hilarious.

Scraping Raisins:
Top Post in February: White People Are Boring

Thursday Thoughts for Writers Series: When I Forget to Love, Christian Art, 10 Quotes for Writers

4 Bits of Writing News
If you didn’t get a chance, check out some of the articles I got published this month (my second and third EVER).

1. When We Fear, (an article on the theme Hesed) for Velvet Ashes

“Hesed is the “yet” in the middle of our fear.

Hesed is God’s steadfast, loyal, unfailing, unconditional, merciful love. It is an anchor love that roots us solidly within the storm. It is following our headlights straight into the darkness and trusting them to lead us as we drive on. It is the love of Jesus who, like a small child playing hide-and-seek, jumps out of hiding the second we begin to seek Him, crying, “Here I am! Find me!”

2. Dear Single Missionary, for A Life Overseas
(This was actually the first public article I wrote for this blog in August of 2015, so I was so honored to have it published.)

“I write this to my 26 year old self who had just sold her car and possessions, quit her job, and left all her prospects for marriage to go live in the middle of nowhere (only four foreigners in the entire city and an eight-hour bus ride from an airport) and obey the call of her Jesus.”

3. Our love story is now featured at Kindred Grace, a site for Christian women about love and relationships.

4. I’m attending my first writing conference in Denver on February 27, called Writers on the Rock!

~~~~~~

What did you come across in February?

Next Post: When’s the last time you did something terrifying?

Linking up with What I’m Into with Leigh Kramer and Literacy Musing Mondays

February 25, 2016

10 Quotes for Writers {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}

All of the following quotes are from a book called Off the Page, edited by Carole Burns, that I apparently picked up from a college bookstore textbook section once upon a time. Below are ten of my favorite quotes I pulled from this book, all from the chapter entitled “Words of Wisdom: What Writers Wish Someone Had Told Them.” The full quote is in the text and some of the graphics have shortened versions that you are welcome to pass along to others. I hope they inspire you in your journey as a writer this week.

1. “Read and write and read and write and read and write, on and on and on. That’s essentially it.” ~Edward P. Jones

10 Quotes~ Thursday Thoughts for Writers

2. “I don’t teach writing. I teach patience. Toughness. Stubbornness. The willingness to fail. I teach the life.” ~Richard Bausch

3. “Read everything, write all the time. And if you can do anything else that gives you equal pleasure and allows you to sleep soundly at night, do that instead. The writing life is an odd one, to say the least.” ~Alice McDermott

4. “Put in the groundwork, write your way through all of the problems, don’t sit around thinking about them. You actually have to write your way through them. And don’t ever give up. Perhaps the most important, the one I follow myself, is: Follow your instincts.” ~Frances Itani

5. “I’m a big fan of the ambitious failure. And I try and urge them [my students] to overreach, to go too far, then look at what they’ve got and begin to shape it.” ~Michael Cunningham

6. “Discouragement and hitting walls and feeling lost–it’s just part of the process. You can’t really create without confronting those things. Trying to meet with those challenges and work through them is what it’s all about. It’s sort of like solving a puzzle. It’s not meant to be easy.” ~Jhumpa Lahiri

7. “You just need to write. The best way to learn how to write is to read, and then do it. Very simply, successful writing is when you are listening to yourself very deeply and you have something to say. It’s a very solitary, quiet, meditative process and you have to be patient enough to have that happen on the page. And trust that you have something to say.” ~Claire Tristram

8. “Don’t waste time feeling ashamed for being an unpublished writer. Each time you sit alone in a room and give your most honest and complete effort, you’ve earned the title of writer…” ~John Dalton

9. “If it’s important to you and you can capture something vividly, it’s worth doing. And there’s no way to gauge whether other people will care or not. But I suspect that if you’ve done something that pleases you and moves you, there are other people out there who will also be interested.” ~Dan Chaon

10. “Beginning writers may become overly discouraged by the difficulties that more experienced writers expect.” ~Joyce Carol Oates

Which quote resonates the most with you? Why? I’d love to meet up with you in the comments section!

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Find other Thursday Thoughts for Writers posts here.

Recent Posts:
Looming Transitions {Book Review}
Motherhood & the Big Picture
White People Are Boring
Monthly Mentionables {February}

On Thursdays this year, I’ll share thoughts, tips and inspiration for writers. I’m certainly not an expert, but am simply seeking personal encouragement in this art and want to share with anyone who’s also trying to find their way as a writer. These short posts will come from books, articles, the Bible, my own thoughts, and other people. Check back each week or subscribe for new posts. Please introduce yourself in the comments–I’d love to meet you and hear about your thoughts on writing.

Happy writing!

Leslie

Author: Leslie Verner

Skinny Dipping and Lazarus

The Ugly Truth about Diversity

3 Myths of Perfectionism {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}

On Race, Rights & Raising a Black Son~An Interview with Rachel Yantis

The Well is Deep {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}

Friendship through the Layers

SAHMs and the Need to Create

When’s the last time you did something terrifying? {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}

Monthly Mentionables {February}

10 Quotes for Writers {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}

Welcome to Scraping Raisins!