A Writer’s Hotbed of Stupidity, Saints & Selfies (#FFW)

As a stay-at-home mom to three tiny children, I no longer feel fluent in socializing or adult conversation. So, as you might expect, a writing conference where I had to meet and interact with some of my writing heroes was a hotbed for saying and doing stupid things.

Lest you think I’m exaggerating, here are a few foot-in-mouth moments for your entertainment:

1. I saw an author I admire and said, “I read half your book!” #whatNOTtosaytoanauthor

2. I tweeted something Deidra Riggs said during a panel about sex and without thinking, my husband replied something about loving when I talk dirty, accidentally including Deidra in the reply. (okay, so that one’s on my husband)

3. I told a magazine I couldn’t write for them yet because I have other writing projects now (they didn’t ask me to).

4. I chucked my stuff on a chair, then chased Ann Kroeker down the hallway and slobbered all over her.

5. I told a girl she looked “so familiar” and she said it was because we had met two days earlier.

6. I couldn’t go into the expo room for two days after seeing my face on a poster about new authors. (denial, perhaps?)

7. I think I may have sat next to Fleming Rutledge on the flight to Grand Rapids, but didn’t realize it until I got to the conference (this is why you should always make small talk on the plane).

8. I started talking to Shannan Martin in line in the bathroom and when I walked out, I realized I still had my dirty paper towel balled up in my hand.

9. I often said the first thing that came to my mind when I met someone–usually pertaining to their appearance. “You’re so much shorter/thinner/taller than I thought!” Generally not a good idea.

But apart from my many blunders, the conference was still a fabulous experience.

Here are a few highlights for me from FFW:

1. Hearing Luci Shaw and Madeleine L’Engle’s granddaughters tell stories about Madeleine, my greatest writing hero. (Did you know Madeleine L’Engle loved playing ping-pong?)

Luci Shaw & Madeleine L’Engle’s granddaughters

2. Spending time with other writing friends talking, crying, trading stories, and sharing on a level I so rarely get to relate on in my regular life.

3. Meeting some of my writing and life heroes: Deidra Riggs, Luci Shaw, Sandra Van Opstal, Shannan Martin, Addie Zierman, Lisha Epperson, Ann Kroeker, Katlin Curtice, D.L. Mayfield, Amy Peterson, Christiana Peterson, inspiring writers from my publishing House, Herald Press, my editor, friends from SheLoves, Redbud Writers’ Guild and my other writing group, and so many others.

4. Meeting my heroes reminded me that even though a writer may have thousands of followers on social media, it doesn’t mean they don’t struggle with insecurity and imposter syndrome like I do.

5. I sat in five fiery sessions about race that burned away my idealism, selfish motivations and pride involved in being a white woman who writes about race. It reminded me that these discussions are messy, complex and yet so necessary in spite of the discomfort. I’m still processing many of the conversations, emotions and challenges.

Deidra Riggs, Karen Sallow Prior, Sandra Maria Van Opstal, Kathy Khang, Katelyn Beaty, “Still Evangelical in the Age of #MeToo?”

Lisa Sharon Harper, Marlena Graves, Kathy Khang, “Writing for Our Lives”

5. Overall, the best part of the festival for me was putting people to the avatars and remembering there is flesh, bone and spirit behind the names and faces on the 2D screen.

Did you attend the Festival of Faith and Writing this year? What was your biggest take-away?

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Our theme for April is “Books and Writing,” and I hope to share my favorite books, podcasts and resources for new writers. Click here if you’re new to the series and want to catch up on old posts. Be sure to follow me on social media and sign up for my newsletter below so you can be alerted of new posts. Please get in touch at scrapingraisins (dot) gmail (dot) com if you are interested in guest posting on this topic!

April 3, 2018April 3, 2018

Writing Garbage

Three years ago if you had told me I’d be calling myself a writer today, I would have chuckled and said, “Right. I wish.”

Natalie Goldberg talks about writing being like a compost heap. All those journal entries, letters, emails, short stories, articles, and blog posts mingle together in their juices and every once in a while a stunning tulip pushes her way up and out of the mush. I had about 30 years of composting—mostly pure garbage–before I ever published a word.

This month on the blog, the theme is books and writing. I’ll share some guest posts from writers who have called themselves professionals much longer than I have. I’ll also have a book or two (or three) to give away to readers who love books as much as I do. Be sure to follow along on social media and share with your book-nerd and writerly friends.

I signed a book contract this February, though it won’t be published until fall of 2019, so it still feels distant and surreal. I confess I suffer from major Imposter Syndrome most days (check out a couple great podcasts by Lead Stories about that).

But I’m writing the words and adding compost to the pile, trusting something holy, hopeful, and transcendent will emerge from the heap. Before I begin writing, I pray for those who read my book—that this wouldn’t just be about me, but that we’d be together in it all. I ask the Holy Spirit for inspiration, wisdom and winsome words.

But mostly I beg God for permission to write badly. At least at first.

Julia Cameron says it like this:

“Remember that in order to recover as an artist, you must be willing to be a bad artist. Give yourself permission to be a beginner. By being willing to be a bad artist, you have a chance to be an artist, and perhaps, over time, a very good one” (The Artist’s Way, p. 30)

I pray for freedom to run my fingers over the keyboard without obsessing, over-analyzing or self-criticizing, with the reckless abandon of my naked children dancing around the living room after a bath. I need that level of confidence, self-indulgence and blind courage.

Many writers have said you can’t edit a blank page, so I’m filling the page with words and then giving myself time to wade back through the sludge. I’m hoping to find some gems buried there.

This month is about writing and books mainly because writing is at the center of my story right now. I hope this theme will somehow intersect with wherever you are in life—even if you’re not a writer. Perhaps insert whatever thing God is calling you to do that causes you the greatest amount of self-doubt or quivering-in-your-boots and relate in that way.

Now that I’m a writer, I read the Bible with new lenses. As I read Ecclesiastes recently, certain passages suddenly glowed with new meaning. Wise Solomon writes,

“He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap.

As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything.

In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.” (Eccl. 11:5-6 ESV)

Writing demands feisty faith.

Writing demands feisty faith.

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We till, plant, and sow, then God whispers miracles from mounds of trash. He infuses bones with spirit breath and tiny seeds hidden in the ground with life. Our job is to show up, trust the Light to do its part, and keep doing the work of tilling, planting and watering. Then we sit back on our heels, and do some waiting for the tulips to grow out of our years of faithful composting.

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This month, I hope to cover some of the following topics, so you can treat this introduction like a table of contents for the month and check back here for updated links. I probably won’t have time to do all of this, but here are some topics I *want* to cover:

My Favorite Books on Writing
Redbud Writer’s Guild vs. Hope Writers
#WOCwithpens (And a White Evangelical Woman’s Place in the Interwebs)
Interviews with Authors
What Should I Write About?
Juggling Motherhood and that Other Thing You Love to Do
Favorite Podcasts about Writing
10 Reasons You Should Start Writing
How to Start a Blog (ok, so this could be like 10 posts…help?)
Book Reviews
Summary of My Favorite Sessions at the Festival of Faith & Writing
Editing Checklist (s)

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Our theme for April is “Books and Writing,” and I will share my favorite books, podcasts and resources for new writers. Be sure to follow along on social media and sign up for my newsletter below so you can be alerted of new posts and free book give aways. Please get in touch at scrapingraisins (dot) gmail (dot) com if you are interested in guest posting on this topic!

Sign up for the Mid-month Digest and Secret Newsletter Here:

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Writing Garbage: Natalie Goldberg talks about writing being like a compost heap. All those journal entries, letters, emails, short stories, articles, and blog posts mingle together in their juices and every once in a while a stunning tulip pushes her way up and out of the mush.

October 8, 2017

When Your Kid is the Bully

I watched with horror from a distance as my 5 year old son stalked two children much younger than he was and poured water on them—and their mother. For thirty seconds, I actually pretended he wasn’t my son. The museum was crowded and I had my other child with me. Maybe the mom would never know that little boy was my son. But when he started throwing wet straw on them, I knew I needed to intervene.

Another day, I looked across the park to find my son throwing mulch at two boys probably three years older than him. The boys had sticks taller than they were, and the boys were creeping closer to my son.

“WHAT was that all about?” I demanded, marching him away from the park.

“I told them I wanted to fight,” he said.

Shaking my head, I inwardly vowed to never go to the park again.

A few months ago, my two year old daughter pushed another girl off of the play structure that was higher than I am tall. I happened to not be on my phone, cooing at my baby or gabbing away with another mom and I caught the girl by her dress—just one foot off the ground.

What’s worse than having your child get bullied at the playground? When your child IS the bully.

The best advice I have received as a parent happened one day as my kid was losing it at the grocery store. I don’t remember which child, though it could have been any one of the three. A woman pulled her cart up to mine, looked me in the eye and said this,

“Just remember, it’s their age, not their personality.”

Thank God, because at this rate my children will be horrible, selfish, out-of-control human beings. OR they are acting exactly their age.

Growing up, we must have watched the movie Overboard a hundred times. In it, Goldie Hawn’s children are especially terrible. But when the teacher at school begins to complain about them, her character, Annie, jumps to their defense. “They may be rotten, but they’re MINE,” she says.

A bad week of feeling like a failure as a mother demands that I spin this story towards the spiritual. Because for my sanity, I sometimes just need to dig around in the mud for meaning in mundane life. Here’s what I got:

As unruly, loud, obnoxious, disobedient, frustrating and obstinate as my children can (often) be, God has just as much a right to label me as “rotten” to my core. And yet just as I cannot really walk away from my children (though I’m tempted to pretend they aren’t mine), God doesn’t disown us just because of bad behavior. Again, thank God.

God loves bullies just as much as he loves the bullied. The Bible says it is his kindness that leads us to repentance. To all who condemn God’s children, he responds, “They may be rotten, but they’re MINE!”

To all who condemn God’s children, he responds, “They may be rotten, but they’re MINE!”

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Perhaps my children acting out is forcing me to wrestle my own perfectionism to the ground. Because sometimes I care more about other people thinking I’m a good mother than I do about actually being a good mother. And God won’t let me get away with that attitude.

So while I am tempted to confine my children at home for the remainder of their days as children, staying in our safe playground in our private backyard, I will continue to risk badness at our neighborhood park. My children leave me open to attack by other bystanders who have their phones out, ready to mom shame. Or, more likely, out of the ashes of my smoldering pride, a new friendship may be born out of the many “me, too” moments shared only by parents who have been there.

So, yes, my child just hit your child. I am sorry and I am doing the best that I can to teach them to be decent human beings. But before we label them, let’s wait and see what the next twenty years will do for their impulse control. God knows I’m still a work in progress, so I’m trusting my children are, too.

When Your Kid is the Bully

Category: vulnerability

A Writer’s Hotbed of Stupidity, Saints & Selfies (#FFW)

Here are a few highlights for me from FFW:

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Writing Garbage

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When Your Kid is the Bully

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