How to Simplify Christmas Shopping

For a person like myself who basically despises spending money or buying excess stuff, Christmas is a struggle. My favorite Christmases to date are still the ones I spent with very little in a tiny cinderblock apartment in China.

Last year I published an ethical gift list and thought nothing of it, but this year, I have some questions:

What is the definition of “ethical” when it comes to ethical shopping and gifts? (Does giving 1% of your profit to an anti-sex trafficking organization qualify you for this label?)

Does overspending because it provides jobs for farmers in Uganda qualify as “doing good”?

Do some “ethical” companies manipulate our desire to feel good about ourselves, perpetuate the White Savior Complex, and lead to excessive spending?

For example, here are some of the slogans I’ve run across in my research:

“shop with meaning”

“shop to end poverty”

“shop with intention and share in the joy”

“The jewelry she makes changes the world. What can your jewelry do?”

“Look good, feel good, do good, be good, give good, get good.”

“You shouldn’t have to sacrifice style to make a difference.”

Pictures of white women kissing “native” women …

But here’s my conclusion in spite of still having questions: unless I want to announce that I’m no longer giving gifts to friends and family, I will be spending my money somewhere this season. Because of that, I prefer my money go to companies that will aid in improving the livelihood of someone else.

With this in mind, these are five ways I plan to simplify Christmas this year:

1. I’m only buying from ethical or green companies unless there’s absolutely no other way.

2. We’re setting a low number of gifts for each of our family (our kids know this … we don’t do birthday gifts from friends at parties, either).

3. I’m directing grandparents and family members to mostly write checks rather than send stuff for the kids (that way we can buy museum memberships that will last an entire year).

4. I’m buying all my gifts before Thanksgiving. (Ha! I figure it will put the pressure on if I announce that online …) This will reduce stress (in theory) and prevent me from making impulse buys at the last minute.

5. I’m buying everything online.

On Wednesday, I’m publishing my ethical gift list for this year. This time around, I will be sharing some companies that aren’t usually in the spotlight. I wanted to focus on companies that work directly with one or a few different countries instead of contracting with hundreds of artisans around the world. Think of them as the underdogs or “mom and pop” ethical companies doing good, but quieter, work around the globe. A few of them have offered discount codes for Scraping Raisins readers, so be sure and take a look!

What are some ways you simplify the consumerism aspect of Christmas?

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Simplify Friendship {Guest Post}

By Anna Moseley Gissing | Twitter: @amgissing

Exactly one year ago, I hopped in my Smart car and drove across Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Indiana, to a basement apartment in Wheaton, Illinois, where I unloaded a few boxes and settled in to a new home. The next day I drove to my new job as an editor for a Christian publisher. I left my husband and two kids in Pennsylvania until our house sold and my husband found work.

A couple of months later, my family joined me in Illinois, and my husband started work the next week. We frantically searched for quality sitters and fun summer camps in a place where we knew no one and nothing.

But finding a permanent home in Illinois wasn’t easy. We moved into another temporary place but left our furniture in storage and lived out of boxes for the rest of the summer.

At last, we found a new home at the beginning of August, and we started the long process of unpacking and settling in. But we were also registering the kids for school and sorting out drivers’ licenses and doctors’ visits, now that we had a permanent address.

When our kids started school just a couple of weeks later, we thought we might make some progress toward feeling “settled.” But then I changed editorial positions within my department. The chaos and complexity of life in transition continued.

I was discouraged when I missed my goal of being unpacked by the time we’d been in our home one hundred days. Based on past experience, I knew that I should keep up the momentum. If I didn’t keep pressing forward, treating my weekend days like unpacking boot camp, I might wake up ten years from now to see those same boxes still stacked in my laundry room.

I needed to be single-minded: Until the one-year anniversary of our move in August, I would focus on working hard at my new job, helping my kids adjust to a new school, and unpacking. We could meet people and explore our new community later.

It felt like simplicity. Instead of spreading myself too thin, committing to new activities and social events, I’d do fewer things and do them well.

And then an Instagram post made me reconsider my simple routine.

Some good friends had reunited for a retreat in North Carolina. Their smiling faces caught me off guard. The retreat happens every year in early February, but I forgot. I had decided that friends were on the back burner until I was fully unpacked and settled at work.

Though there was a simplicity to my plan, it was oversimplified.

I had put off friendship indefinitely. I had isolated myself from friends far away, waiting for more time to invest. I hadn’t met new friends either—I couldn’t find the time.

In my quest for simplicity, I cut out vital parts of life. It was time to reconsider.

During Lent, I committed to connect with a friend once a week. I started with a bang—coffee out with a local friend. The next week I took a long lunch break to get to know a new colleague. Later our family connected with another family to cheer for our favorite sports teams as they battled one another.

But it was going to be tough to do something that intentional each week.

So I started experimenting. Instead of setting up phone dates with my far-away friends (which took weeks to schedule and inevitably fell on days that were super stressful so that by the time the appointment arrived, I wanted to crawl in a hole), I took chances and called when I had only ten minutes to chat. Out of the blue, at odd times.

Sometimes I got voicemail. But sometimes I didn’t. These brief calls warmed my heart and changed my days. I didn’t hear about everything that had happened in the last six months. But it wasn’t necessary. I never realized that ten minutes could change so much.

Those ten-minute calls were ten minutes that I wasn’t working or unpacking. During those calls, I branched out from my simple plan to put off friends until I had finished my other work.

And yet, I discovered a new simplicity. Simple friendship. Simple ten-minute visits.

In your life, you may not be preoccupied with unpacking or editing books. Maybe you have decided that you can’t invest in your friends while you have toddlers at home. Maybe you feel like you have to choose between friends and exercise or friends and sleep.

Perhaps you should give simple friendship a shot. Who can you call today?

About Anna:

Anna Moseley Gissing loves words—reading, writing, speaking, teaching, and editing. When she’s not editing books for IVP Academic, you can often find her unpacking or helping her kids with homework. Connect with her on Twitter or Instagram at @amgissing.

 

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This concludes our month on the theme “simplify.” Thank you to Anna for guest posting! Our theme for April is “Books and Writing,” and I hope to share my favorite books, podcasts and resources for new writers. I recently signed a book contract, so I am in the thick of it and have many thoughts about the writing process. I’ll also be attending The Festival of Faith and Writing in April, so I want to share some of the content I learn there with my readers. Be sure to follow me on social media and sign up for my newsletter below so you can be alerted of new posts. Please get in touch at scrapingraisins (dot) gmail (dot) com if you are interested in guest posting on this topic!

I’ll be writing a post this month for SheLoves about fasting from my Smartphone and from some social media during Lent, so you can read about how “simplifying” went for me this month.

What about you? How are you continuing to simplify? What is working for you? What isn’t working? I’d love to hear on social media or in the comments here!

Happy Easter!

xo

Leslie

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How to Simplify Friendship? The older we get, the more complicated friendships seem to get. How can we simplify and still have friends as we age?

10 Books on Simplifying

I roamed my shelves and wandered back into my blog archives to share some of my favorite books on simplicity. Do you have any favorites?

Bored and Brilliant: How Spacing Out Can Unlock Your Most Productive and Creative Self

If you’re looking for a book that will give you more reasons to slow down and put away your phone, then this one gives you plenty. Written by a thoughtful journalist, the book is well-researched, clearly written and very practical. I’ve enjoyed the company as I’ve been doing my Smartphone fast this month (and it has given me lots of reasons why stepping away from the constant connection is a good idea!).

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less

This was a fabulous book, even though I found it very male-centric and focused more on people in the corporate world than in the creative world. That said, it was definitely applicable to anyone with a pulse in their body pushing them to live their best life. It was a quick read and challenged me to say no more often and prioritize how I spend my time (which is always a good thing).

 

Free Range Kids

We all know we shouldn’t be helicopter parents, but this book gives us permission to relax and let our kids be kids. If you need a book that will not add rules or guilt, then this is a wonderful book for “simplifying” your parenting.

 

 

 

The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up

For all my thoughts on this very popular little book, you can check out my review here, but for as much as I had some qualms about it, I would still recommend reading it if you need some inspiration to purge!

 

 

 

The More of Less

From my review: “This book is a practical how-to book for the minimalist novice looking to explore the benefits of a simpler lifestyle. As I already agreed with Becker’s concepts of minimalism at the outset, I didn’t need a lot of convincing and personally found the first half of the book to be purely common sense. But the second half of the book offered so much practical advice on how to actually incorporate minimalist ideas into the average American’s life that I found it to be a gem in the midst of so many books now available on this current trend.

Long Days of Small Things

From my review: “This book will not add to your to do list. It will not heap on guilt about all the ways you are not doing enough, teaching enough, or being enough of a godly woman for your children. It will not tell you how to discipline, potty train or feed your child in ten easy steps. Instead, this book will prove to you that you are already living a holy life through simply being a mother. That perhaps God intended all along to intersect with you in these small, seemingly insignificant moments in time that make up the life of a mother.

Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids

From Amazon: “With too much stuff, too many choices, and too little time, children can become anxious, have trouble with friends and school, or even be diagnosed with behavioral problems … Kim John Payne helps parents reclaim for their children the space and freedom that all kids need for their attention to deepen and their individuality to flourish.”

The Quotidian Mysteries: Laundry, Liturgy & ‘Women’s Work’

This was a quick read Norris aids the reader in extracting spiritual meaning from menial chores and simple daily living through monastic practices.  She says: “We want life to have meaning, we want fulfillment, healing and even ecstasy, but the human paradox is that we find these things by starting where we are, not where we wish we were.” And another quote that summarizes her ideas is: “I have come to believe that the true mystics of the quotidian are not those who contemplate holiness in isolation, reaching godlike illumination in serene silence, but those who manage to find God in a life filled with noise, the demands of other people and relentless daily duties that can consume the self.”

Wabi-Sabi Welcome

This book has my heart. The pictures, the beautiful words about simplifying hospitality and the cross-cultural portraits are my heartbeat. If you’re looking for a coffee table book that also has substance, I would highly recommend finding a copy of Wabi-Sabi Welcome.

 

 

What Falls from the Sky: How I Disconnected from the Internet and Reconnected with the God Who Made the Clouds

Stay tuned for a proper review on this book, but for now, know that I highly recommend it if you love well-written memoirs that challenge you to live, think and be differently in the world. (Plus, it has fabulous reviews on Amazon!)

 

 

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Thank you for meeting me here in this space. The theme for March is “Simplify,” so you can start here to read posts you may have missed. If you are a writer or just a person with words burning in your soul and are interested in guest posting, email me at scrapingraisins@ gmail (dot) com. Our theme for next month (April) is “books and writing.” I’m looking for personal stories on this theme in the 500-1000 word range. If you haven’t yet, be sure you sign up for my mid-month and monthly secret newsletter for the latest posts and even some news, discount codes and book giveaway information that only Scraping Raisins subscribers get!

Sign up for the Mid-month Digest and Secret Newsletter Here:

**Contains Amazon affiliate links

Laundry Overload: Simplify Laundry

A few weeks ago I asked about laundry on Facebook and got more comments than I’ve ever gotten about anything. So while there are both horrific and glorious events happening in the world, humanity ultimately finds solidarity though the universal act of laundry.

Please know I’m writing this piece more as a journalist than as an expert and that I’m still very much in the experimental stage. But I ‘ve tried out some of my friends’ techniques over the past six weeks, and I think you will find some new ideas to streamline, or at least get control of, the laundry chaos in your life.

Also, for the record, my kids are age 1, 3 and 5. We have a (purposely very large) washer and a dryer, and as a carry-over from my five years living in China without a dryer, I still hang-dry all my own clothing (except for socks and undies), but no one else’s :-).

So how do large-ish and large families do laundry? Here are some tips I’ve gathered from friends, podcasts and strangers on the internet:

To Sort or Not to Sort?

Pretty much everyone with more than three children advised stopping the ridiculousness of sorting kids’ clothing into colors and just dump the whole lot in the washer on warm. Back in the olden days when everyone used powder detergent, clothes used to bleed more than they do now, but if not sorting makes you twitchy, one friend swore by Shout Color Catchers to prevent colors bleeding (5 out of 5 stars on Amazon, too!). 

For adult clothes, we sort by light, medium and darks in our bedroom,  but I stopped sorting the kids’ clothing by color for the past six weeks and it’s been a great change (I stopped buying white clothes for kids a LONG time ago, anyway!)

Sort by Room

Sort according to where you store the clothing so it’s easy to put the clothes away. My two oldest share a room, so I wash their clothes together. I keep the baby’s clothes in our room, so I wash his clothes with ours (which gets tricky because he has sensitive skin and I’d rather use Charlie’s Soap and no fabric softener on his clothes … still figuring that one out.)

Sheets and Towels

I changed the sheets every other week for about a month, and then got lazy. I know it’s gross, but I knew farmers in China who didn’t shower for six months, so that helps put things in perspective for me. But in my ideal world, I’d use the Lazy Genius’ tip and wash all the sheets and towels pretty early on in the day (because putting sheets on the bed is the most annoying task ever–especially right before bed when you forgot), so I could put them right back on the beds and not even bother folding them first. And the towels can just go right back on the rack. I’m okay not sorting and washing all the sheets and towels and washing on warm, but my mom swears they must be done on hot or we will all be overtaken by bacteria. Just go with your gut.

I also heard a recent podcast where the woman got rid of all her towels and bought white towels for the whole house so she could just wash them all together and bleach them when needed (though I haven’t had much success with white, personally).

All in One Day or Spread Throughout the Week?

There are advantages and disadvantages to each. For me, it comes down to my answer to this question:

Will I actually put the clothes away after I wash them?

If the answer is no, then doing them all in one day is a better solution to the laundry problem. If I will be disciplined enough to put them away, then doing a load a day may prevent the despair of having to dedicate one whole day of my life each week to laundry.

That said, I’ve been trying out the “laundry day” phenomenon and I actually kind of like it. One day a week we have to stay home. I throw the kids’ clothes in first and set a timer. I make tea, give the kids a bath, and then we do other at-home-with-little-kids-things like paint, bake or glue pasta onto construction paper. I hate to say it, for the most part it’s kind of relaxing.

Lately, I’ve been washing the adult clothes last. I save them to fold after the kids go to bed and my husband helps fold while we watch T.V.

“Involve the Kids”

I laughed hysterically when people mentioned this, but thought I’d give it a try. One friend said she has her kids doing their own laundry by age 7/second grade and that I should have them learn ASAP–several other friends said theirs were doing it by middle school. I’m still a couple/few years away from that, so here’s what I did:

1. Have the kids sort: The first day of our newly instituted “laundry day,” I dumped the kids’ clothes in the middle of the carpet and had them sort them out themselves. That mostly worked.

2. Have the kids fold: Then I demonstrated how to fold them and nearly fell over when my 5 year old folded ALL off his–and they looked better than they do when I fold them! My 3 year old daughter lost steam after folding two shirts, but I couldn’t believe my son was capable of doing this and I had no idea! I did sit on the floor and turn them all right-side-in just to make it go faster, but I was amazed! (can you tell by the number of exclamation points I’m using?)

3. Have the kids put away: I finished folding my daughter’s clothes, then had them put them all away in their drawers. My daughter dumped them on the floor in front of the dresser first, but my son did it without unfolding them.

(Also, my one year old helps me transfer the clothes from my washer to the dryer. I put them in front and he scoots them in!)

4. For older kids (this is from my friends): give them their own laundry baskets or hampers to pre-sort their clothes into light and dark. Give them each a day a week to wash, dry, fold and put away (yeah right, but maybe?). OR I kind of like this idea:  do all laundry on the weekend, then do a family folding party together in the evening while watching T.V.

Stupid Socks

The most brilliant advice I read was to buy all the same color and type of socks so you don’t even have to go through the weekly madness of trying to match socks. The families with the highest number of kids don’t even bother matching them, but just have a “sock bin.” I’ve also found that even though my kids are 1, 3, and 5, they can all wear basically the same socks.

I also heard a tip about having kids put dirty socks in a washable laundry bag immediately after wearing them. Some people line a small box with it and put it by the door, then you just scoop up all the socks, cinch the bag shut and throw it in the washing machine. That way socks can’t wander away from their match into Sock Never-Never Land.

Hide Your Laundry Baskets

I used to wash, dry, and fold the clothes, then they would sit in laundry baskets until I needed to wash more clothes again. Because of this, I banned myself from even using laundry baskets other than to transport unfolded laundry to the couch for folding. That’s worked for me. Once the clothes are folded and on the coffee table, they go straight into the drawers. This is why washing according to room also works well for me.

I also find that not having too many laundry baskets is a good solution. It’s like the “empty closet” problem–you will always eventually fill up excess storage space in your home. Laundry baskets work the same way. So, in theory, I don’t really need more than one large basket if the clothes aren’t going to hang out there.

You Don’t Have to Fold Everything

One of my friends doesn’t fold her kids’ clothes at all. And it’s true that they mostly just get bunched up in the drawer anyway. I tried not folding, but I couldn’t do it. Plus, they wouldn’t fit in the drawer. Another friend said she doesn’t fold play clothes. Personally, I don’t fold underwear, but everything else gets folded. And you can avoid folding sheets and towels by using the tip above and just putting back on beds and in bathrooms immediately after washing them.

In Summary (and some other random tips):

  1. Only buy wash-and-wear clothes.
  2. Get your kids involved.
  3. Don’t buy white clothes for kids–ever.
  4. Don’t sort kids’ clothes before washing–and wash on warm.
  5. Sort by room.
  6. Get rid of excess laundry baskets.
  7. Always put clothes away immediately after you fold them.
  8. Buy all the same sock colors and types.
  9. Do something fun while you fold like watch T.V. or listen to a podcast.
  10. Wash everything on the fastest speed possible.

What works for you? I’d love to hear your tips in the comments!

10 TIPS FOR SIMPLIFYING LAUNDRY

Here are some other good resources on this very hot topic:

The Lazy Genius Does Laundry

Jen Hatmaker had a hilarious rant about laundry which led to them buying 28 new laundry baskets.

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Thank you for meeting me here in this space. The theme for March is “Simplify,” so you can start here to read posts you may have missed. If you are a writer or just a person with words burning in your soul and are interested in guest posting, email me at scrapingraisins@ gmail (dot) com. Our theme for next month (April) is “books and writing.” I’m looking for personal stories on this theme in the 500-1000 word range. If you haven’t yet, be sure you sign up for my mid-month and monthly secret newsletter for the latest posts and even some news, discount codes and book giveaway information that only Scraping Raisins subscribers get!

Sign up for the Mid-month Digest and Secret Newsletter Here:

**Contains Amazon affiliate links

Laundry Overload: How Families Do Laundry--I asked all my friends how they simplify doing laundry with 2+ kids, this is how they responded.

 

5 Simple Meals for the Witching Hours

I love cooking, but I do not love cooking when I have a toddler hanging on my leg, a three year old whining for cheese and a five year old running laps around the kitchen island. My mother-in-law calls from 4 to 7 “the witching hours,” so meals for us have become simple to stave off child wizardry. I am not a food blogger, so you will not get pretty pictures or perfect measurements, but for what it’s worth, here are five meals that are making my life easier at meal time. I’d love to hear yours as well, so fell free to leave links in the comments here or on social media!

1. Frittata

I make this every single week. And yes, we buy 4 dozen eggs a week. I mostly use this recipe by The Pioneer Woman, but I’ve found that it is very forgiving if you want to use less eggs, more cheese, or different veggies. I’m not a fan of olives in my egg, so I skip that part. I make this at least once a week and find it’s a great “clean out the fridge” dish to use veggies that are beginning to wilt. Here’s my take on it.

Ingredients: 7-12 eggs, about 1/2 cup of milk, shredded cheese–whatever you have, even parmesean, works, about 1/2-1 cup, onion (1/2 cup), 1 clove of garlic, crushed, veggies like broccoli, spinach, kale, potato, peppers. Bacon or sausage if you happen to have it.

Saute veggies first, then add egg, cheese and milk mixture. Cook one more minute, then throw the pan in the oven for 10 minutes at 400 degrees.

2. Pasta with Garlic & Veggies

Cook any kind of pasta separately, then cook veggies like zucchini, grape tomatoes, Kalamata olives and sauté in butter or olive oil. Sometimes I add a can of diced tomatoes and thyme, oregano and basil. Combine with pasta, then top with parmesean cheese. Add browned sausage if you have it.

Also, plain pasta with butter, garlic powder, salt and parmesan cheese is a NO SHAME DINNER at our house. Bonus nutrition points if you scrape together a salad, though.

3. Italian Soup

(A little less “simple,” but you can make it ahead and freeze for later, so kind of simple).

Sautee veggies like carrots, celery, mushrooms, and zucchini with garlic and onion, then add salt and pepper and some spices like thyme, oregano and basil. Add 8 cups of chicken broth and a can of diced tomatoes and a can of drained white beans. Bring to boil and add in browned sausage or frozen meatballs. Add spinach or kale more toward the end right before you eat. Top with parm cheese, eat with French or Italian bread.

4. Black Beans and Rice

We have a rice cooker, which makes life so much simpler since I seemed to always mess up rice somehow. So cook white, yellow or brown rice and in a separate pot cook two cans of sodium-free beans. If you have more time, saute onion, garlic and pepper first, but if you need something quick, just use garlic and onion powder. I also add salt, pepper, cumin and chili powder. Bring to a boil. Again, if you have time, cook tilapia or any kind of fish, really, in olive oil, sprinkled with Cajun spice, or cook some chicken with salt, papper & garlic powder in olive oil. Top with cheese.

(Can you tell we’re not gluten or dairy-free…?)

5. Frozen Shrimp with Rice, Grits or Pasta

I just started liking shrimp last year, so while we don’t always have the budget for it, I try and snag it when it goes sale in the frozen section. I was surprised that my kids actually love it. I never thaw it out first, just melt butter in a large pan and saute 3 or 4 cloves of chopped garlic. Add the shrimp and cook about 10 minutes, then put on top of rice, grits or pasta. For each of those carbs, be sure to add a tad of butter so they’re not so dry.

I mean, butter + garlic = delicious, so of course this tastes amazing;-) You can google Cajun recipes to snazz it up a bit, but those don’t make the “simple” list. Eat with a salad so you get some veggies in there.

What are your most simple meals to make during the witching hours? Please tell.

***

Thank you for meeting me here in this space. The theme for March is “Simplify,” so you can start here to read posts you may have missed. If you are a writer or just a person with words burning in your soul and are interested in guest posting, email me at scrapingraisins@ gmail (dot) com. I’m looking for personal stories on this theme in the 500-1000 word range. If you haven’t yet, be sure you sign up for my mid-month and monthly secret newsletter for the latest posts and even some news, discount codes and book giveaway information that only Scraping Raisins subscribers get!

Sign up for the Mid-month Digest and Secret Newsletter Here:

*Contains Amazon affiliate links5 Simple Meals for the Witching Hours

 

The IHOP Days of Motherhood (#threekids)

(I wrote this in February of 2017, but it still holds true.) 

The IHOP Days of Motherhood

The middle-aged woman at the checkout aisle across from me quickly looks away as I glance up. My five-month-old is strapped to my chest, sucking on the side of the baby wrap; the other two kids are now riding the one cent plastic horse ride next to the lotto ticket kiosk. I wonder what the woman is thinking as she watches me drop coins on the floor, lecture children and bag my own groceries with a baby strapped to my chest.

It could be, “What a precious mom—she’s doing such a great job.”

But I suspect it was, “Thank God that’s not MY life.”

These are the days when my husband fears he’ll come home from work and find I’ve abandoned them all. I’ll call him from an IHOP off the interstate somewhere in Nebraska and say,

“Oh, that motherhood job? I quit. I decided I can’t do it anymore.”

And so instead of running away forever, I’ve escaped for two hours. It’s seven degrees below zero today, but the sun is streaming through the window, spotlighting the stardust lazily floating in the air. For once, this coffee shop is nearly empty and I have the couch spot by the fireplace with the mosaic table all to myself. Men are talking loudly in the back room. They began their meeting with prayer and I hear church words punctuate their conversations like “Old Testament,” “Bible” and “Communion.” I don’t even mind, because—for once–the voices do not belong to anyone related to me.

These are the weeks when my nose is right up against the oil painting of my life and all I see is a blob of sticky paint. I can’t get enough distance to know that this week, this day, this moment of juggling a sick, crying infant while my other two children beg for more milk, more cheerios, more love, more attention, more, more, more is a mere dab on the canvas. A stroke of grey on blue.

Nap times, Monday through Friday, look like this: We finish lunch and my two-year-old hands me a board book about an acorn, while my son chooses The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I swaddle the baby and get him situated to nurse, guarding his head with my hand as the other two scramble onto the couch, all bruised elbows, knees and wet noses.

We read a picture book about a small acorn waiting on the ground as each animal approaches and asks that the acorn serve it in some way: scratch its back, provide shade, shelter or food, which it promises to do when it becomes a big, strong tree. The acorn begins to break apart, sending roots down and leaves up. Eventually, the acorn disappears entirely and a tree stretches out and up. The other animals run to make good on the promises made in it’s infancy.

In The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Edmund is playing hide-and-seek and thinks he is following his sister into the wardrobe when his feet crunch on snow. He discovers a magical world in an ordinary closet. I slide the bookmark into the binding, easing off of the couch without disturbing the still-nursing baby. My older son protests, begging me to read more.

“Time to go potty,” I say.

I momentarily lay the baby on the guest bed and hoist my daughter into her crib, making sure she has her baby dolls, water and blankie. She immediately turns on her tummy, hugging her water cup to herself.

“Goodnight, Mom,” she says, pretending she’s a teenager instead of a two-year-old girl with pigtails.

I scoop up the baby and meet my son in his room, waiting for him to wriggle his feet under the sheet before bringing it to his chin. He turns and snuggles closer to me as I sing the usual three songs, pray and receive “two kisses on two cheeks,” all with a baby attached to my breast.

By the time I close the door, I feel the baby go limp and gently lay him down in his bassinet in our room. Pausing, I smile at the miracle of three children in three beds, quiet. Creeping down and pushing the button on the hot water kettle and throwing a tea bag in an oversized mug, I sit down at the computer. Just as the aroma of black tea infused with cardamom and cinnamon begins to seep into the room and the thoughts begin to flow, footsteps echo in the hall.

“Just need to use the potty,” my son announces. I hear soft cries coming from our room. Sighing, I get up from my chair to retrieve the baby.

***

Last Thursday I got everyone out of the house after much weeping and gnashing of teeth to go to Bible study, but found an empty, unplowed parking lot when I arrived. It had been cancelled. No way was I going back home.

Plan B was a coffee shop where my children made such a shrieking, toy-snatching scene while I was nursing the baby that an irritated man snarled at them, “This is a COFFEE SHOP.” As if that means anything to a two-year-old.

So Plan C was to brave the snowy roads and drive an hour to the children’s museum because even if I had to drive 20 miles an hour, they’d be STRAPPED IN–the only legal way to physically bind my children for an hour. The car was quiet the entire way, which I counted as a gift from God Himself. At the museum, I sat dully watching the children play, too exhausted to even pull out my phone. I enjoyed the hours of not having to say “No,” “Don’t” or “What were you thinking???”

The baby screamed the entire ride home and my daughter woke up in hysterics when we pulled off the interstate at our exit. I convinced my husband to meet us at a restaurant because I still couldn’t bear the thought of going home.

Friday I dragged all three children to the doctor’s office and let them play with the germy toys in the lobby. An hour and a half and 75 dollars later, the doctor confirmed my suspicion: all three children had colds and no, there was nothing he could do. The baby had a fever that night resulting in neither of us sleeping and my son threw up all night and morning—of course this all happened AFTER the doctor’s appointment.

I talked to my high school best friend on the phone, who is laps ahead of me in the motherhood race, with an 11, 13 and 15 year old. After venting about my disobedient, selfish, irrational, unkind children, she sent me a string of texts, which I read when I got up with the baby at 2 am.

She reminded me of the time her four-year-old daughter poured water on the head of a girl during the girl’s birthday party. Her daughter had also been responsible for breaking up the playgroup my best friend started because she was such a terror. Plus there was the time her teacher had informed my friend that her daughter was the worst student in class.

But then my friend detailed what her now-thirteen-year-old had done that day. She woke before everyone else, got dressed, made breakfast for her daddy, did homework and then helped her younger sister with her homework. She cleaned up the living room, then played the piano for the congregation at church that evening.

My friend ended her text with this: “My take is that your son is going to be the brightest, most successful in his class. And since daughters are amazing, your daughter is going to be your future bestie. And the baby, well, he is bound to turn out wonderful because … well … as my mom always said [my friend is the third born] … the third is a charm.”

Eyes burning with tears, I stood in the darkened kitchen, phone in one hand, sleeping baby in the other. Friends like this grab my arm and drag me back for the distance needed to give me a view of this life canvas I’m living. One day my children will provide food, shelter, comfort and shade for themselves and others. One day they will be strong, tall and be able to stand on their own.

But today, they are tiny and vulnerable. And the lifespan of an acorn is a stroke of the brush in the huge painting of their life and mine.

Today, though it is cold outside, the sun is shining in this coffeeshop and I have the gift of a morning to breathe. A sliver of space to remember what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. I step into the ordinary wardrobe and for just a short time, I remember the magic and feel the crunch of snow at my feet. I am gathering strength. I glance out the window at naked branches, then write:

Bare trees showcase blue sky.
Branches weighted with snow sigh
in joy of bearing their beautiful burden.

I am ready to go home, to do this. I am ready to be a mom again.

***

Thank you for meeting me here in this space. The theme for March is “Simplify,” so you can start here to read posts you may have missed. If you are a writer or just a person with words burning in your soul and are interested in guest posting, email me at scrapingraisins@ gmail (dot) com. I’m looking for personal stories on this theme in the 500-1000 word range. If you haven’t yet, be sure you sign up for my mid-month and monthly secret newsletter for the latest posts and even some news, discount codes and book giveaway information that only Scraping Raisins subscribers get!

Sign up for the Mid-month Digest and Secret Newsletter Here:

*Contains Amazon affiliate links

These are the days when my husband fears he’ll come home from work and find I’ve abandoned them all. I’ll call him from an IHOP off the interstate somewhere in Nebraska and say, “Oh, that motherhood job? I quit. I decided I can’t do it anymore.”

Where to Buy Used Clothing Online

The danger of watching documentaries is that they can alter your entire life. After watching The True Cost on Netflix two years ago and discussing it with a friend, we decided to stop buying cheap clothing, called “fast fashion,” from places like Forever 21, Old Navy, Target and others and start buying used or American-made for us and our family members.

It’s taken a little scavenging, but with the help of thrift stores and consignment shops like Once Upon a Child and Clothes Mentor, it has been doable. (And just FYI, I have bought NEW shoes, undies, boy’s sized 4T pants and socks for all of us! Don’t bother buying used little boy pants, they’ll have holes in the knees within the week! We’ve also had a hard time buying men’s used clothing.)

I’ve had success buying used clothing online, so I wanted to share my research with you.

ThredUp

Buy and Sell: clothing for women, children, maternity, handbags, accessories, jewelry

Of this list, ThredUp is my preferred site to buy used clothing. The website is very easy to navigate and search for specific items, they do free returns for damaged clothing, and they have a large variety of styles. They also have a great referral program where you get $10 to spend and the person you refer gets $10 to shop after they place their first order. Of the two times I’ve ordered from them, each time I did receive one item that had a hole in it, but was able to return the item free of charge.

If you use the promo code SCRAPINGRAISINS through the end of April 2018, you will receive 35% off all first-time orders up to $50.

Patagonia Worn Wear

Buy and Trade in: men’s, women’s, kids & baby clothing, packs and gear

You can turn your used Patagonia clothing in to any Patagonia retail location and get store credit. They do the washing;-) It looks like the credit you get is maybe half off retail price?

Swap

Buy and Sell: clothing for men, women, kids, maternity and toys

They have a referral program and for every friend you refer who makes a purchase of $20 or more, you earn $20 of credit. Free shipping for your first order of $10. You can buy and sell. Right now, they have $3 days until midnight of March 10th. One thing I like about this company is that they sell used costumes for kids!

ReStitch (Online Goodwill)

Sells: women’s clothing, including maternity and plus-sized clothing

You get 20 percent off your first order. To me, the items look a bit expensive for buying used clothing sight unseen, but if you’re looking for something specific, you could try this out.

More Expensive, but Fancier:

Tradesy

Buy and Sell: designer clothing, bags, shoes, accessories

The fine print: return clothing you don’t want within four days, free of charge, for store credit. Join the mailing list and get $50 off your first purchase of over $400 …

Poshmark

Buy and Sell: men, women, & kids’ clothing, shoes, handbags, jewelry, accessories

You have to create an account with an email address before you can shop. You give your dress size, shoe size, zip code and follow three brands you love to shop (I found it annoying to scroll through all the brands) and then you get a message that says: “Your personal shopping network has been selected.” This was not my favorite online shopping experience, but again if you need something specific you might want to give this one a try. The prices seemed reasonable for the non-designer brands.

BONUS: A Cool Company that Loves the Planet and Supports Ethical Business Practices:

Renewal Workshop

Buy: men and women’s NEW clothing

From their site: “We started our company to solve hard problems and to create new systems that do what is good and right for people and for the planet. We’ve been working day and night over the past year to build a new factory in the US where tons of clothing and textiles are being diverted from landfill and made into renewed apparel, upcycling materials, and recyclable feedstock.”

Shipping is free for Renewal Workshop members, but $8 otherwise. They don’t have free return shipping, but you can return within 90 days. Site lists the “renewed price.” The men’s brands are Ibex, PrAna, and Mountain Khakis, women’s had those, plus Toad & Co. and Indigenous. Still pricier than I would normally pay for new clothing, but probably better quality. One section of the site says “all Renewed Apparel is priced at 25-40% off the original retail price.”

This article and this article explain why I am trying to buy used and American-made clothing instead of going the “fast fashion” route. But you should watch The True Cost documentary … if you dare;-)

 

Thank you for meeting me here in this space. The theme for March is “Simplify,” so you can start here to read posts you may have missed. If you are a writer or just a person with words burning in your soul and are interested in guest posting, email me at scrapingraisins@ gmail (dot) com. I’m looking for personal stories on this theme in the 500-1000 word range. If you haven’t yet, be sure you sign up for my mid-month and monthly secret newsletter for the latest posts and even some news, discount codes and book giveaway information that only Scraping Raisins subscribers get!

Sign up for the Mid-month Digest and Secret Newsletter Here:

Where to Buy Used Clothing Online

Mom Fail #3,477

I forgot pajama day. I picked my son up from preschool (*yes, we started preschool in January) last week and I watched, horrified, as all the children filed out of the classroom wearing PJ’s. My son came out wearing jeans with torn knees and a batman T-shirt. Now, on the scale of world catastrophe/human suffering/poverty, this ranks low, but when your full-time job is mothering, then missing PJ day at school feels like ultimate failure.

My husband dropped him off at school and neglected to mention it to me, probably because he knew I would have rushed back to school with PJ’s for my son. But instead of telling my son how terrible I felt, that I was an awful mother, and I’d make it up to him by buying him ice cream, I waited to see if he’d mention it. He didn’t. I looked at his little face, scrutinized it for sadness and saw a happy little boy with a construction paper craft dripping with glue in his hand. Phew, deep emotional scars averted. I hoped.

I don’t know if it’s because I used to feel capable and reliable—in my pre-kid days, I mailed notes to friends, called my nieces and nephews on their birthdays, sent out Christmas cards, and brought meals to new moms. But something about having three children has made me the worst friend, housekeeper, wife, neighbor, cook, and Christian person. And it’s not even making me the best mom. I win at nothing. Guilt strangles me at every turn.

I took the kids on a walk in the afternoon, pushing my one year old in the stroller as the other two kids rode far ahead on the sidewalk. I didn’t even feel nervous that they were out of sight because the roads in our city have such wide shoulders.

Moving from Chicago with her narrow lanes, Colorado’s wide roads used to feel strange and unnatural to me, but now I’m thankful for the extra space. As I thought about this, something hit me.

Mothers are gifted with wider roads. We are given the largest margins possible that allow us to veer off the sidewalk and not get run over because of our carelessness. God gives mothers more space.

There are times in life when we will be able to make meals for friends, send Christmas cards with hand-written notes, lead book clubs and groups at church, teach Sunday school, be the room mom, the soccer coach or the friend who watches friend’s kids on a regular basis, but these years when we have tiny kids at home are not those times.

Last year I went to an elaborate Christmas party put on by a friend.

“I wanted to do a party, too, but when I saw you were throwing one, we decided to just come to yours,” I said, embarrassed by my laziness.

She looked at me hard.

“I would have never attempted a party like this when my kids were little like yours,” she said. “I just started doing this last year when my youngest turned eight.”

It’s taken me nearly six years, but I am ready to say yes to support, self-forgiveness, and grace, and no to guilt. I’m ready to stop comparing myself to the super mom I think I should be and accept the human-person-with-limitations that I am.

And I’m ready to let myself off the hook, put my achievements, abilities, and education in storage for the season, and pat myself on the back for getting dinner made, children clothed, occasionally bathed, and teeth brushed (okay, so my husband mostly does the teeth).

Yes, I forgot PJ day. But if my son reads this one day, I hope he doesn’t hold on to all of my missteps and foibles, but remembers how I read him books, sang him songs, let him “help” make waffles, tickled him relentlessly, danced with him in the kitchen, told him about Jesus, took him to parks and museums, and occasionally even got down on the floor and pretended to be a wolf, tiger or octopus caught in hot lava.

If you are on the other side of this season and see one of us at the grocery store wrangling our one, two, three or more kids in the cart, will you please smile at us? And will you tell us something we really need to hear?

Can you please say, “Mama, you’re doing a GREAT job.”

At any rate, I know God sees me, holds my guilt and smooths my hair like the tender Father he is, whispering as I fall asleep, “I know, honey. I know you feel bad, but I also know you’re doing the best you can. And you know what? That is more than enough.”

***

[*Aside: For those of you thinking, “Wait, I thought they weren’t doing preschool this year” … turns out my very structured little boy didn’t appreciate my free spirited/unstructured/spontaneous ways, and afternoon preschool three days a week during the (theoretical) naptime of the other kids = a (theoretical) break for me. I still follow too many #unschooling moms on Instagram, though, wishing I were that mom … wait, this post was supposed to be about letting go of mom guilt/comparison … and I’m actually off Instagram for Lent, so that helps 😉 ]

 

Thank you for meeting me here in this space. The theme for March is “Simplify,” so you can start here to read posts you may have missed. If you are a writer or just a person with words burning in your soul and are interested in guest posting, email me at scrapingraisins@ gmail (dot) com. I’m looking for personal stories on this theme in the 500-1000 word range. If you haven’t yet, be sure you sign up for my mid-month and monthly secret newsletter for the latest posts and even some news, discount codes and book giveaway information that only Scraping Raisins subscribers get!

Sign up for the Mid-month Digest and Secret Newsletter Here:

Mom Fail #3,477. "I’m ready to stop comparing myself to the super mom I think I should be and accept the human-person-with-limitations that I am." --Leslie Verner

Why Simplify?

If I were to pinpoint one golden thread running through the fabric of my life, it would be this:

“Stop doing, just be.”

It would be God whispering in the straining and trying,

“Stop. Just breathe.”

“Soak in Jesus and all of his richness and pour out peace, love and joy onto others around you. Enjoy. Notice. Relax. Be grateful.”

There is an over-quoted verse that I also frequently tell myself: “Cease striving and know that I am God.” The second half of it is less well known: “I will be exalted in the heavens. I will be exalted in all the earth.” (Ps. 46:10)

When we slow down, stop, breathe, and just be, we begin to notice God at work all around us.

Our culture of productivity and busyness demands we be on-the-go, plugged-in, running, frenzied, over-worked and over-scheduled. We are to multi-task and be well-rounded, never focusing on just one person or experience at a time. “Buy more, do more, see more, read more, live more, more and more.”

I read a book a couple years ago called The More of Less that states this month’s theme succinctly with its title. What if having and doing less actually makes our lives richer and more fulfilling?

I hope you’ll follow along this month. As usual, my ideas and plans exceed the actual time I have, but in the month of March on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I hope to talk about ways to:

Simplify Buying Used Clothing

Simplify Mom Guilt

Simplify Your Perspective on Motherhood

Simplify Easter with Kids

Simplify Doing Laundry (likely a 2-parter)

Simplify Hospitality

Simplify Baby Gear

I’m also planning a post with books, podcasts and articles relating to this theme, so tell me if you have a great resource you’d like to add!

I have at least one guest post lined up, but let me know if you’d be interested in guest posting and shoot me an email at scrapingraisins@ gmail (dot) com. I’m looking for personal stories on this theme in the 500-1000 word range.

As always, thank you for meeting me here in this space. If you haven’t yet, be sure you sign up for my mid-month and monthly secret newsletter for the latest posts and even some news, discount codes and book giveaway information that only Scraping Raisins subscribers are privy to!

Sign up for the Mid-month Digest and Secret Newsletter Here:

**Contains Amazon affiliate links.

Overcoming Smartphone Addiction

Technology is not the devil, but we don’t need to allow it to be our god, either.

A monarch butterfly sailed on the wind as I sat waiting for my latte at an open-air coffee shop in San Diego. I watched it glide, dip and twirl around the men and women busily setting up tables and canopies for a weekly farmers’ market. Suddenly, I realized that I wouldn’t have noticed this spectacular solo performance just a week ago. Nose-down, scrolling through any number of messages, alerts and notifications on my phone, I would have missed this simple dance on the wind.

 

The Phone Fast

My husband and I recently took a one week vacation without kids to California to remember each other and ourselves after four years of having babies and before number three’s arrival in a few months. Before leaving for our trip, I tentatively decided that I would bring my phone, but leave it off in my suitcase and just let my husband check my texts and calls every evening. I did have a laptop with me, so I checked email and other social media once or twice a day, but I didn’t have access to the Internet when we were out and about since the laptop stayed back at the cottage.

I was nervous about unplugging. What if I missed something important? How would I be able to post pictures on Facebook immediately? How would I check the weather? What would I do if I needed to wait somewhere with nothing to do?

But after the first morning of my detox, instead of withdrawal, I felt…free. I’ve known for a while now that my phone makes me feel shackled and that it has become an addiction, but I haven’t been sure how to conquer the blessing-turned-curse. After a week of doing without, here are a few changes I’ve made to ensure that I am the boss of my Smartphone instead of my technology lording over me.

3 Ways to Overcome Smartphone Addiction:
 

1. Sleep with your spouse, not with your phone.

A few weeks ago, I spent my first precious thirty minutes before my children woke up just lying in bed checking Facebook. The night before, I had been on social media in bed long after my husband had fallen asleep. It was then that I knew I needed help. So I started charging my phone at night downstairs in the kitchen instead in our room. I bought a cheap travel alarm clock to replace my phone’s one true reason to even earn a spot in our bedroom. It has been a simple, yet liberating change that is helping me to sleep better at night.

 
2. Declutter the apps on your phone.

The day we got back from San Diego, I did a bit of “life-changing magic” and tidied up the apps on my phone. Though they “sparked joy,” they were unnecessary if I could just as easily check them on the computer, where I could be in better control of the time I spent on them. I nervously deleted Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, email and even the weather app. 

How many times a day do you “quickly” check the weather on your phone and ten minutes later you forget why you even turned on your phone in the first place? That was me. I can check the weather just as easily on my computer in the morning just the way I always did in pre-Smartphone days. 

So now, my phone is for texting, taking pictures, reading books, making calls, checking the internet, GPS and listening to music or podcasts. 

(A less drastic solution would also be to turn off all notifications for social media or hiding the icons–but I’m sneaky, so that never worked for me.)


3. Start wearing a watch again.

Since my phone has become a permanent fixture on my body, I haven’t needed to wear a wristwatch anymore. But just as the weather app can be a seductive Siren, innocently “checking the time” can steal your precious attention away when you feel you suddenly must find out what those social media notifications could be. And again, twenty minutes later, you return to reality and try and remember why you were looking at your phone in the first place (“Oh yeah—what time is it?”).

~~~

Two Weeks Later

It’s been two weeks since I stripped my phone of its many roles, but so far the change has been glorious. I am so much less tempted to use it to fill any downtime in my day because there isn’t much on there to lure me away anyway. There have been a few times when I’ve craved Facebook and when I open up my phone, I end up clicking on the Kindle app that is now in its place and reading a book instead. 

Think of it like ridding your home of junk food and filling it with fruit instead so that when you crave a snack, you’re forced to eat an apple. Kindle for Facebook. It’s rough at first, but then your body starts appreciating the fact that you’re feeding it with substance instead of empty calories and you start to LIKE those apples.  I am certainly spending more time reading now that I don’t fall down the Twitter or Facebook rabbit hole.

But more than anything, the greatest aspect of having more limits in place is that I’m forced to pay attention to the world around me again. 

On the fourth day of our vacation, I plopped my 27-week-preg-body down on a bench outside of a small museum in a historic town we were exploring, letting my husband continue reading every word of every informational sign as he likes to do. The only place to sit was next to an elderly lady who was people-watching. I joined her and we noticed the huge, gorgeous tree stretching across the lawn. 

We made small talk and admired the gaggle of middle-aged Chinese ladies dressed in eclectic and brightly colored clothing, each posing elaborately in front of an old courthouse before replacing their oversized straw hats and continuing on, their high heels clicking on the sidewalk. And once again, I reflected on the fact that I normally would have missed all of this. Before the phone fast, my first instinct would have been to pull out my phone while I waited for my husband to return. 

Absorbed in the lives of others on social media, perhaps I would have even forgotten to live my own life. I would have missed the chance to delight in the wonder all around me: watching a butterfly ballet, marveling with the elderly and admiring the hilarity in the scope of humanity.

I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this addiction.  I don’t think we need to be radical and throw away our phones or be overly idealistic about the days of before we had all “this technology.” Technology is not the devil, but we don’t need to allow it to be our god, either. Are you ruling your phone or is your phone ruling you? What practical steps can you take to ensure that your phone is a tool of freedom and not a chain of bondage in your life?


Do you have any other ideas on how to break free from Smartphone addictions? I’d love to hear them in the comments!

~~~

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Related Posts:

21 Ways to Live Counter-culturally

A Book for the Budding Minimalist {The More of Less}

KonMari Krazy {The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up} 

Previous Post: A Writer’s Prayer

Next Post: Potty Training a Strong-Willed Child

Technology is not the devil, but we don’t need to allow it to be our god, either.

 

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