Why Simplify?

If I were to pinpoint one golden thread running through the fabric of my life, it would be this:

“Stop doing, just be.”

It would be God whispering in the straining and trying,

“Stop. Just breathe.”

“Soak in Jesus and all of his richness and pour out peace, love and joy onto others around you. Enjoy. Notice. Relax. Be grateful.”

There is an over-quoted verse that I also frequently tell myself: “Cease striving and know that I am God.” The second half of it is less well known: “I will be exalted in the heavens. I will be exalted in all the earth.” (Ps. 46:10)

When we slow down, stop, breathe, and just be, we begin to notice God at work all around us.

Our culture of productivity and busyness demands we be on-the-go, plugged-in, running, frenzied, over-worked and over-scheduled. We are to multi-task and be well-rounded, never focusing on just one person or experience at a time. “Buy more, do more, see more, read more, live more, more and more.”

I read a book a couple years ago called The More of Less that states this month’s theme succinctly with its title. What if having and doing less actually makes our lives richer and more fulfilling?

I hope you’ll follow along this month. As usual, my ideas and plans exceed the actual time I have, but in the month of March on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I hope to talk about ways to:

Simplify Buying Used Clothing

Simplify Mom Guilt

Simplify Your Perspective on Motherhood

Simplify Easter with Kids

Simplify Doing Laundry (likely a 2-parter)

Simplify Hospitality

Simplify Baby Gear

I’m also planning a post with books, podcasts and articles relating to this theme, so tell me if you have a great resource you’d like to add!

I have at least one guest post lined up, but let me know if you’d be interested in guest posting and shoot me an email at scrapingraisins@ gmail (dot) com. I’m looking for personal stories on this theme in the 500-1000 word range.

As always, thank you for meeting me here in this space. If you haven’t yet, be sure you sign up for my mid-month and monthly secret newsletter for the latest posts and even some news, discount codes and book giveaway information that only Scraping Raisins subscribers are privy to!

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10 Social Experiments to Slow Down, Save Money & Live Simply

Everything around the college campus got a bit wonky when the sociology classes would do their social experiments on the rest of us. One girl started randomly holding hands with her guy friends. Another guy sat down with total strangers in the cafeteria during each meal. And another boy barked at people as he walked behind them on the way to class.

I’m not asking you to do any of those things. Most of the experiments I have in mind can be quietly conducted with little evidence at all that you are attempting to buck social norms. But they will require you to step out of what might be most comfortable for you.

Are you ready to be weird with me?

I’ve tried out most of the ideas in this list, but a few are new goals for a new year. Each of these ideas will help you to slow down, save money or live more simply. As you read, consider joining me in a few of these experiments this year. Here we go.

1. Stop buying cheap/new clothes

Kick off this social experiment by watching the documentary The True Cost on Netflix. Or read this book about fast fashion for an overview of how the clothing industry of cheap, disposable clothing (like Forever 21) not only exploits cheap labor in other countries, but fills our landfills.

Many larger cities have Once Upon a Child for good, quality used children’s clothing, 29 states have the adult version of this, called Clothes Mentor. I’ve had a lot of luck at our local thrift stores, though you can’t necessarily go with a single item in mind.

I’ve been doing this for nearly two years and have managed to buy all used clothing for myself and my family apart from shoes, underwear, socks and boy’s 4T and 5T pants (they wear out too quickly!) When we haven’t gotten used, we’ve tried to at least buy American-made, though that can get pricey.

If you’re like me and don’t want to schlep a bunch of kids with you to a thrift store, then there are a ton of online options for you. One is called ThredUp and has a great referral program where you get $10 to spend and the person you refer gets $10 to shop after they place their first order (this link includes my referral code–no extra cost to you!).

Later this month, I’ll be publishing a long list of places to buy used clothing, so stay tuned.

2. Don’t throw food away–ever

As much as 40% of our food goes uneaten in the United States, according to a Harvard study. Another article from USA Today says, “if we were able to recover all of our wasted food, we could provide a 2,000-calorie diet to 84% of the population, said Dr. Roni Neff, a Johns Hopkins University researcher who led a first-ever study examining the nutrients we’re tossing in the trash.”

I think it comes from my years living in China on a missionary’s salary, but I live like someone who went through the Great Depression. Throwing food away is a mortal sin in our household.

Most expiration dates have several days or even weeks of leeway added in, so stretch your food a little farther. Another way to waste less is to meal plan. When each vegetable in your fridge is bought for a purpose, you are less likely to throw wilted, unused veggies away at the end of the week.

Now that I live in Colorado, it’s time to join the masses here who compost. I haven’t purchased one yet, but I’m considering buying either this small composter you keep in your kitchen, or a larger one that goes right in your backyard. Both have really good reviews on Amazon. Have you composted? I’d love to hear some tips!

3. Do a phone detox

I’ve only done this once, for a week, but it was magical. I heard birds, I saw butterflies and I talked to old ladies on benches. But I haven’t done it again. So by writing this, I’m building in a bit of accountability for myself. I plan to stay off my phone during my Sabbath times (see #8) and take a more extended break from my phone one or two weeks during the year. I also plan to remove all social media and email apps from my phone except Instagram (I just can’t). The book Glow Kids has some terrifying data about how screens are affecting us and our children if you need some convincing that this might be a good idea.

In 2017, a bunch of high schoolers in Colorado pledged to stay off social media during the month of October, which sounds like something I might like to try. Otherwise, I’m thinking Lent would be a good time to go off my phone or at least off some or all social media (can you tell this is a problem for me?)

What about you? What kind of phone detox would work for you this year?

4. Invite a non-family member to your home every week

With an introverted husband, once a week may be a bit much, but since plans often get cancelled, we are shooting to invite someone over to our home for a meal or to play games at least once a week. Whatever we do often enough becomes habit, so we want to make this a priority this year. I’ve found that asking is the hardest part, but after that, I rarely regret having people into my home. Many of us attend churches and small groups, so it is easy to get caught in the Christian bubble. But who did Jesus eat with? We want to share our table with people who are like us, but also those who are very different from us this year. The books The Art of Neighboring and Making Room have revolutionized the way I now practice hospitality. If you’re interested in learning more about hospitality, check out the Facebook group called “Sorta Hospitable” that I started in December.

5. Make awkward small talk

I’ve written a bit about this, but I’m trying to be intentional about noticing the people around me. By attempting to talk to the grocery cashier, server at the restaurant or neighbor walking his dog, I can learn to appreciate people made in the image of God. Even though I’m an extrovert, I would rather have a one-on-one heart-to-heart any day than try and shoot the breeze with someone. But sometimes awkward small talk is the gateway to relationship. I met one of my best friends from the last two years at the park, so I know it’s possible.

6. Own less toys

The book Simplicity Parenting influenced many of my opinions on the stuff our kids have. Kim John Payne writes: “Nothing in the middle of a heap can be truly valued. The attention that a child could and would devote to a toy is shortened, and eclipsed by having too many…Ironically, this glut of goods may deprive a child of a genuine creativity builder: the gift of their own boredom.”

Simply put, “As you decrease the quantity of your child’s toys and clutter, you increase their attention and their capacity for deep play.” (p. 62)

My friends and family have given me a hard time about this, but we have a “no gift” rule for birthday parties. Fortunately, my oldest is still pretty young (5), so he hasn’t been to a ton of birthday parties, but I’m usually able to convince him that gifts from his parents and grandparents are sufficient. We also tell him that the party itself and all his friends being there are his gift (which he believes for now).

And while we do purchase some new toys for our kids (these have been a HUGE HIT), we encourage the grandparents to contribute money to pay for experiences like museum passes or gymnastics lessons instead of buying them new toys. The toys we do have, we keep in the garage and switch out when the ones inside aren’t being played with as often.

7. Have someone live with you

Have you ever thought of having someone live with you? We unexpectedly had a Saudi Arabian girl live with us from 2012 to 2013 and it was such a positive experience that we bought our new house with that in mind. Several of my friends have had exchange students live with them or housed an international student like we did. Yes, it’s challenging to have someone in your space, but the deep relationships, cultural learning, and authentic living that come out of it is so worth it. We just found out we’ll be having a girl from India live with us until May, so we are excited and nervous about sharing our space again.

8. Observe the Sabbath

Out of all of these, this is the hardest for me. My main problem is that so many of the activities I enjoy doing–writing, running, and spending time with people, which some might consider Sabbath activities, often just serve to make me busy. My husband and I are also puzzled about observing the Sabbath when we have three children, age five and under. I need to revisit some of the posts I wrote for Seven Days of Soul Rest back in December of 2015… It may finally be time to read the book Rhythms of Rest. For my personality type (ENTJ), I know I need structure of some kind, but I also kind of hate rigid rules. Help.

9. Have your kids share a room

I plan on smooshing our kids together until my daughter is grossed out by her older brother. I’m guessing I have another three years … Right now, she is equal to the task. I want to do this is so we can have a guest room available for people who need a place to crash. St. John Chrsystom called this the “Christ room,” referring to the passage in Matthew 25 where Jesus said, “I was a stranger and you took me in.” Because we still have little kids in our home, I don’t think we’ll be hosting homeless or those coming straight out of prison (though I’m conflicted about that, honestly), but we are open to hosting strangers and have already had some opportunities to use our home in that way.

10. Read a book every month that takes you out of your comfort zone

Personally, along with reading more fiction and poetry (I’m a non-fiction girl), I’m aiming to read at least six books written by people of color this year. I only average about two books per month, so that’s a book every other month by a person of color. I have several books that will stretch you on this and this list. I’ve found that book clubs are a great place to challenge yourself as a reader and read books you wouldn’t choose otherwise.

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So that’s it! Not too weird, really, and maybe you already do many of these things. What are some of your goals for 2018 that will help you to slow down, save money and live simply in the new year? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this list or on your own plans!

Here are the books mentioned in this post:

Simplicity Parenting

Glow Kids

Rhythms of Rest

The Art of Neighboring

Making Room 

Overdressed

Have you signed up for my newsletter yet? I’ll be announcing some exciting changes in my next post, so be sure you don’t miss it!

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This post contains Amazon affiliate links. Anytime you click on a link and make a purchase, you will pay the same amount, but I will receive a minimal commission.

10 Social Experiments to Slow Down, Save Money & Live Simply in 2018

 

 

Day 7: Sabbath Rhythms {7 Days of Soul Rest}

My friend and her family have decided to observe the Sabbath (called Shabbat in Hebrew) more formally and make this longer pause a part of the rhythm of their lives.  Here is a bit of her experience.


Every life pulsates with rhythm.  Schedules of sleeping, eating and relating vary according to culture, but all people fall into rhythm of some kind.

And every musical rhythm must contain rests, or pauses, where the beat stops beating, even if just for a moment.

What are some of the natural pauses that already exist in the rhythm of your life right now?

In the United States, the larger rhythms of life might look like the school calendar, with rest for children during summer and winter break.  It also may include the 8 to 10 hour work day, with weekends off and church on Sundays.  But our rhythms can also be dictated by the church calendar of Advent, Lent and other holy days. 

The rhythms of a working parent may include pauses during a commute or lunch break and a stay-at-home parent may have brief pauses to nurse a baby or while a child naps.  Pauses may be at prayers before meals and bed or alongside other family traditions.  Those without children or with older children may have extended morning pauses, while parents of littles may have extended pauses in evenings if their children sleep early.

If we are serious about finding true soul rest, we need to be realistic with our goals.  One of the easiest ways to do this is to insert intentional rest into the natural pauses that already exist in our lives.

The purpose is not to fill these pauses with more “doing,” but to retrain ourselves to extend them into space to “be.”  Take naps.  Space out instead of pulling out your phone in the checkout line.  Exercise outside without music or headphones.  Walk slower than feels natural.  Drive in silence (if you don’t have kids shrieking in your car like I do).  Go to bed absurdly early.  Spend an extra three minutes in the shower.  

Extend your pauses. 

We also need to transform the natural pauses of our lives into sacred moments. 

What does this look like practically? 

Here’s an example of what not to do.  Today after I dropped the kids off at the nursery at church and made my way back to my husband for the service, I spent the majority of the service distracted, scribbling notes for this post on my bulletin.  The songs were words, not worship; and communion was bread and juice, not the body and blood.  My physical body was there, but my mind was not.  And I missed out.  This was a rare hour that I could have been meeting with Jesus, but because I was not intentional about using this time to seek Him, I missed out on making this a sacred pause in my week. 

And I desperately needed that kind of soul rest.

So to follow my own advice, I need to prepare myself for pauses.  Closing our eyes is a gift.  By moving tiny muscles in our face, we can physically tune out all that is around us.  I need to learn how to utilize this very basic gift of God to reclaim these pauses and transform them into sacred moments with the Lord.  In church, I can close my eyes when I enter and ask for help to focus.   

Most of the time, we don’t need to change our entire rhythm, but only to extend or capture the pauses we already have and make them sacred, but occasionally we need to allow God to rewrite the rhythm of our days to include pauses that weren’t there before.  

My friend and her family have decided to observe the Sabbath (called Shabbat in Hebrew) more formally and make this longer pause a part of the rhythm of their lives.  Here is a bit of her experience.:

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We celebrate Shabbat from Friday night sundown to Saturday sundown. We do this to join in the thousands of years people have celebrated it at this time. We have tried to set Shabbat apart by cleaning up before Friday night (which somehow makes cleaning more purposeful and enjoyable for me), making a fancy dinner and inviting guests over. 

We often light candles before dinner and say/sing a blessing. We often sing the Shema and take communion.  It is the time when we enjoy our bridegroom and He enjoys us as His bride as it is often said that Shabbat is like preparing for a king or the wedding of the bridegroom.

Shabbat is as much about delight as it is about rest.

On the seventh day God took delight in all he had created. It is a time to reflect on how God delights in us and all creation and we get to enter into that and delight with Him.

Along the lines of delight and celebration, we try to save any desserts for Shabbat so that we see Shabbat as a delight! We have desserts Friday night and often a big breakfast Saturday morning with chocolate chip pancakes.

One of the keys for us with Shabbat is to make it ‘holy’ and set apart from other days, so we do rest from regular work.  At the end of the Saturday night sundown, the house is usually a mess with dishes piled up and toys spread all around. Sometimes it takes discipline to not clean up, but by the end of Shabbat it is funny how you have new motivation to clean since you were trying not to. We also take time to pray, dance to worship music, play games, read Scriptures and go on walks. It is about ‘being’ with family and friends as we delight in God and His creation.

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This has been such a challenging week.  I hope that it has been for you, too.  If you are new to the series, be sure to read the previous posts on soul rest listed below.  Personally, I am going to take a reverse Sabbath and rest over the next six days before posting another blog post on the seventh day, so if you don’t hear from me, know that I am trying to practice what I preach (though I will be in contact with the winners of the audio book giveaway by Tuesday afternoon–you can still have a chance if you subscribe to emails or comment before Tuesday morning!).

My Goals for Soul Rest

  • Observe the Sabbath as my friend did during the month of January
  • Plan a personal retreat next year
  • Stop pulling out my phone to “kill time” when I could use that time to pray or just “be” 
  • Choose one Bible verse to focus on each week (baby steps)
  • Be intentional about extending and using the pauses that already exist in my life to rest and seek God
  • Read and drink tea for 20 minutes a day, ideally while my children nap


A beautiful word I came across recently is fermata.  It is a long rest in the middle of a piece of music, like a sigh.  I pray you will allow Christ to carry your heavy load and rest in the sweet sigh of His freedom from doing because the most important work has already been done on the cross.  Rest, weary one, rest.  Let Him carry you.        

“Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you” (Psalm 116:7).

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken” (Psalm 62: 5-6).


What are a few goals you have for implementing rest into your day, week, month or year this coming year?   

Resources
The Sabbath Society: a society of women committed to observing the Sabbath each week

25 Encouraging Scriptures for Rest and Relaxation

Start Small, Start With Sabbath, by Sarah Bessey


If this is your first visit to 7 Days of Soul Rest, be sure to read through the previous posts listed below.  Please introduce yourself in the comments–I’d love to hear your story!

Introduction to the Series

       Day 1: Three Secrets of Soul Rest

       Day 2: Moms Are Not Monks

       Day 3: Permission for Self Care

       Day 4: Ordinary Moments

       Day 5: Creative Spirituality for Busy Times

       Day 6: Planning a Personal Retreat

       Day 7: Sabbath Rhythms

Linking up with #WholeMama 

Day 6: Planning a Personal Retreat {7 Days of Soul Rest}

Today, I have asked my wise friend with 4 children under the age of 8 to share her experience going on a yearly personal retreat.


Jesus was busy.  Crowds to feed, people to heal, multitudes to teach, the dead to raise, angry mobs to dodge, disciples to reprimand/encourage and religious leaders to baffle, not to mention a world to save.  Jesus always had something going on.

And yet.

Have you ever done a study in Mark on the amount of times Jesus steals away to secluded areas to be with His Father? 

So why should we be any different?

Today, I have asked my wise friend with 4 children under the age of 8 to share her experience going on a yearly personal retreat.  Though you may think it is impossible at this stage of life (whatever stage you are in), this friend is proof that it is not only possible, but necessary to get away.  She usually went away when she was no longer nursing, but pregnant with her next child, leaving her other children home for the weekend with her husband. 

Here are some of her reflections on having a personal retreat:

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The two most important factors for me in planning a retreat are location and reading material.

My husband did some research and found a retreat center run by Franciscans not far from our home. The accommodations are comfortable, food good, price right, and the chapel is open 24 hours a day. I schedule a two night, private, silent retreat, which basically means that I do my own thing and no one bothers me.  

I think in Evangelical/Protestant circles, it is probably more difficult to find a place that understands the private, silent retreat concept. Usually a retreat means going with a group of people for speakers, fellowship, and fun. So for those really intent on retreating alone with God, it is worth looking into Catholic retreat centers where they are used to individuals coming by themselves, to be left alone with God. 

For my reading material, I usually bring something light but uplifting to read (a recent choice was Hannah Coulter by Wendell Barry, for example) and then a substantive book about the spiritual life (something by Henri Nouwen or Jean Vanier are some recognizable names) and my Bible. And then a journal. I try to keep it at that so I don’t get distracted, and my spiritual reading choice aligns with what I want to focus my retreat on.

There are some rigorous ways to retreat, but for me, part of the beauty lies in the physical rest I experience, which then feeds the spiritual work I do. 

In college I was lamenting to my dad once that sometimes I fall asleep during prayer. His simple response was to shrug and say, “Well, I guess God thinks you needed to rest!” 

I don’t follow a set schedule aside from attending Mass, confession, and meals. I just alternate between sleeping, reading, praying, journaling, light exercise, and sitting in the presence of God quietly. Very simple indeed! 

And out of that cycle of activity/non-activity comes new resolutions, Scripture to take home and continue to meditate on, things I need to fix or people I need to apologize to, and incredible soul rest. There is nothing quite like it. 

To experience sustained silence in an otherwise frenetic life, to create space for God to speak and to listen, it’s like stripping off all the layers I build up all year long.

Layers of what?

I can’t even describe…it’s like going outside your home after a snowfall and feeling that intense quiet as the snow absorbs the noise, and then at the same time looking around and seeing everything sparkling white. You don’t see the bush that needs trimming or the deck that needs repainting, just the clarity that the beauty brings to your senses. You know that the driveway will have to be shoveled and that in a minute you will be searching for that missing mitten, but for a moment all is in perfect perspective.

Interestingly, I often feel anxious before I go on retreat. I don’t look forward to being “alone” for that long, as if I have forgotten how to be by myself, or I am anxious about leaving the kids, etc. 

I am sometimes afraid of what God will uncover. 

And I am anxious about re-integration to life after those two days at the oasis because the adjustment is so abrupt.  But my husband pushes me out the door and I go. 

Because I know that I can’t recreate the soul rest at home (nor should I) and it benefits me and also my entire family.

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I’m so thankful to have my friend share today. Though most of our days will be straining to hear God’s voice in the noise, if Jesus even in His busyness prioritized getting away from the crowds to pray, then we do not need to feel guilty for doing the same. 

“We may rest fully assured of this: a man’s influence in the world can be gauged not by his eloquence or his zeal or his orthodoxy or his energy, but by his prayers…to be little with God in prayer is to be little for God in service.  Much secret prayer means much public power”  (The Kneeling Christian by Anonymous, p. 25).

Have you ever done a personal retreat?  What was your experience like?

What is keeping you from planning a retreat this year?

Resources:
Retreat Finder A great international directory to find Catholic retreat centers (but most of them you don’t have to be Catholic to have a personal retreat there).


If this is your first visit to 7 Days of Soul Rest, be sure to read through the previous posts listed below.  Please introduce yourself in the comments–I’d love to hear your story!

Introduction to the Series

       Day 1: Three Secrets of Soul Rest

       Day 2: Moms Are Not Monks

       Day 3: Permission for Self Care

       Day 4: Ordinary Moments

       Day 5: Creative Spirituality for Busy Times

       Day 6: Planning a Personal Retreat

       Day 7: Sabbath Rhythms


Linking up with Velvet Ashes

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