Reimagining Neighborhoods with Tim Soerens and Paul Sparks

Many of us are disconnected, lonely, and isolated even though we’re surrounded by neighbors, strangers, and living, breathing human beings all around us. My husband and I recently attended a meeting in Denver called “Reimagining Neighborhoods” where Tim Soerens and Paul Sparks, in partnership with the Navigators, discussed this issue. As the writers of the book The New Parish and founders of The Parish Collective , they challenged us to seek community right where we live.

The evening opened with a short film about neighboring well; then several individuals shared tales of intentionally pursuing relationships with people outside their immediate comfort zones. One man told of seeking out his “third place” (besides work and home) where he has developed relationships over time by frequenting a Thai restaurant.

Another woman mentioned that her dogs help her make connections, but also shared how their neighbors enjoy a fantasy football league, a fire pit-in-the-driveway tradition on Halloween, and use Facebook to promote neighborhood gatherings. Another described their neighborhood as “a place where I belong” and someone else said “cultivating a life in common” was of utmost value to them. The speakers shared about other friend’s involvement in farmers markets, coffeehouses, garage sales, community gardens, and giving away popsicles, dessert, or meals in the local park.

After these individuals shared about their experiences with opening their homes and intentionally seeking community among their neighbors, Tim Soerens began his talk with a quote from William Blake: “We become what we behold.” He described our small, faithful actions of simply showing up in our relationships with the people around us. He talked about healing democracy not by starting from the top, but from the bottom—in our homes, workplaces, neighborhoods and cities. Soerens said, “all the systems that shape us—we’re also called to shape them as well.”

Paul Sparks said we know the gospel has broken through and shalom has prevailed when the world can look at Christians and be struck by our love for one another. He quoted Manuel Castells, who talks about the “space of flows,” where people often miss one another in a life of busyness and movement. Sparks has visited many communities where people are experimenting with good news, and when he visits, he often looks for ways the community is solving conflicts and diving deeper into humility and grace for one another. He concluded by saying that this commitment to learning how we belong to one another isn’t rocket science, but it does take commitment, presence, and a miracle, because “turning to face one another takes divine grace.

During our short discussion time at the end, one woman pointed out that this all seems so obvious, and yet in our culture of disconnection, individualism, and independence, we almost need to re-learn how to be humans with one another.

Finding connection right where we are is both the easiest and most difficult way to cultivate community. It requires intentionality, availability, and humility. And yet I believe there’s a movement of God to stop leaving “ministry” and movements to clergy and missionaries, and remind us we are already standing on holy ground—even if that ground is our rock-covered lawns (like in Colorado where I live), our third floor apartment buildings, or our ranch in the country. God wants us to notice the people right around us—look them in the eye, speak to them, and remember that we—and they–are not alone after all. When we begin to reimagine our neighborhoods, we begin to reimagine God’s vision for a connected kingdom.


Resources:

Parish Collective: You can learn more about Parish Collective here. Parish Collective identifies, connects, and resources followers of Jesus that desire to grow the fabric of love and care in, with, and for the neighborhood.

Book List: Their website also links to a fabulous list of books relating to developing community, relationships, and neighboring well.

The New Parish Book: Check out the book The New Parish: How Neighborhood Churches are Transforming Mission, Discipleship, and Community, by Paul Sparks, Tim Soerens, and Dwight J. Friesen (IVP). About the book: “Paul Sparks, Tim Soerens and Dwight J. Friesen have seen in cities, suburbs and small towns all over North America how powerful the gospel can be when it takes root in the context of a place, at the intersection of geography, demography, economy and culture.” (Amazon)

Prayer Walk Guide: The Navigators offered a brochure to do a prayer walk in your neighborhood. I couldn’t find that one online, but I did find this neighborhood prayer walk guide that also incorporates observation and accommodations for different seasons of the church calendar.

Sign up for the monthly-ish newsletter and I’ll send you a free list of hospitality resources!

My new book Invited: The Power of Hospitality in an Age of Loneliness is now available for pre-order! You can read about the book as well as some of the advance praise for the book by visiting this page. Sign up for my newsletter above to keep up-to-date on pre-order bonuses, launch team, book recommendations, and more! The LAUNCH TEAM is open until Thursday, June 13th. You can sign up here.

Photo by Clayton Cardinalli on Unsplash

*This post includes Amazon affiliate links

Challenging the Status Quo: A Review of ‘Finding Holy in the Suburbs’

Ashley Hales doesn’t pull any punches in her new book, Finding Holy in the Suburbs, which debuts today. In it, she critiques the American Dream, illuminating the allure of the gods of consumerism, individualism and busyness for many Christians living in the suburbs. She challenges readers to reevaluate Western values in light of the cross, calling them to wake up to their desire to be filled and belong (p. 23). At the end of each chapter, she suggests practical solutions in the form of “counterlitergies,” offering steps to develop new behaviors and ways of thinking.

Having grown up in a similar era of 1990’s world-changer-youth-group-sermons, I could relate to Ashley’s longing for purpose and meaning in a world that ended up being less radical than she imagined. I, too, left a more radical life for a home in the suburbs. I often wonder how to navigate life by the extraordinary teachings of Jesus within the confines of my ordinary, and often seemingly mundane life.

Ashley’s book was perhaps not written for the weirdoes like me who already buy all our clothes secondhand, loathe shopping, or never wanted to own a minivan or home in the first place. I acknowledge that I’m the outlier, though, so I think this book is relevant to anyone who loves shopping, tends towards schedules and busyness, and always dreamed of the White Picket Fence Life. That just wasn’t me.

I appreciated the chapters on hospitality, vulnerability, repentance, belovedness, and shalom. She integrates Bible stories as well as references to other books throughout her chapters in a non-intrusive, helpful way. I would have enjoyed more personal stories, but that’s because I gravitate towards memoirs and personal essays more than Christian living-type books.

I loved how she stayed oriented around Jesus, the cross, and the holy life we are called to live as children of God. She says that “experiencing existential exile, even in the suburbs, is a gift because it points to our shared human homesickness” (p. 45). The crux of the message of this book is that this world is not our true home.

If you live in the suburbs and are being lulled to boredom by the expectations of the Jones’ and your own unsatisfied attitude with your life, then this book will wake you up. Ashley is a truth-teller, preacher, and wise counselor. She challenges the status-quo and leaves little room to remain unchanged.

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You can buy Finding Holy in the Suburbs here. Listen to Ashley Hales being interviewed about this book on the Fierce and Lovely Podcast.

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This month on Scraping Raisins we’re talking about practical and impractical hospitality. Be sure to follow along on my social media channels (buttons on top right of website) and subscribe to my newsletter to be updated on all the posts, plus links to thought-provoking articles from the web and a few books and podcasts.

 

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Sign up for the (occasional) Mid-month Digest and the (loosely) “end of the month” Secret Newsletter for Scraping Raisins Here:

*I received an advance copy of this book, but all opinions in this review are my own.

**The book contains Amazon affiliate links.

The Table {guest post}

By Judy Douglass | Twitter: @Jeedoo417

It began with a small nudge—from God I believe: Invite your neighbors for dinner.

But what if they all come? My table isn’t big enough.

I began to look for the right table: seats 12 with an extension, light-to-medium brown, wide enough for two at each end, pedestal rather than legs, and I named a price.

A friend and I looked for two years: Craigslist, eBay, consignment stores, sales. It was not to be found. My husband suggested I just ask them to dinner and use two smaller tables.

I was sure I needed to find the table. But I was also sure I needed to invite the neighbors—two years had passed since that first nudge. So I made up simple invitations to a Texas-style barbecue and personally delivered them.

Would they come? Yes they would. Five couples said yes. With us—twelve people. But no table.

So I looked once more on Amazon. Sure enough there it was: right style, color, size and price. Could Prime get here in a week for our neighbor gathering? It was promised the morning of our party, and arrived in time for us to assemble it and decorate with some Texas flair.

And then it happened—twelve neighbors seated around the table. Some were close, others hardly knew each other, two were new to the neighborhood.

Dinner was simple: Texas BBQ from my favorite caterer, sides from my two closest neighbors, my Texas cornbread and famous peach cobbler.

The Table

We wanted everyone around the table so we could all talk together. We asked two simple questions for each person to answer over dinner and dessert: 1) Tell us a fun or surprising story from your early years. 2) Who has significantly influenced your life or what is a significant life lesson you have learned?

The conversation and laughter around the table never stopped. The man on his second round with cancer told of meeting his wife and marrying her three weeks later—they have been together more than 40 years. The doctor and his wife each gave their own versions of their courtship. The missionaries shared how they separately heard a call from God. The attorney and his wife honored the other with specific praise and told of heartache with children. The agnostic listened quietly to several stories of God’s provision.

The evening was more than I had hoped for. New friendships, greater bonding, promises to help each other. People who lived near each other took major steps toward becoming true neighbors.

Could the same connections be made in another setting? Of course. Was the table essential? Probably not.

But the table brought us all face to face, enjoying good food together, telling our stories, revealing joys and hurts, happy events and deep needs.

Thanks to the table.

What about you? What might happen around your table?

About Judy:

Judy Douglass is a writer, editor, speaker, encourager. She partners with her husband, Steve, to lead Campus Crusade for Christ (Cru) globally. She writes at www.judydouglass.com. You can find her on Facebook  and follow her on Twitter. Visit here for her most recent books.

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This month on Scraping Raisins we’re talking about practical and impractical hospitality. Be sure to follow along on my social media channels (buttons on top right of website) and subscribe to my newsletter to be updated on all the posts, plus links to thought-provoking articles from the web and a few books and podcasts.

 

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Sign up for the (occasional) Mid-month Digest and the (loosely) “end of the month” Secret Newsletter for Scraping Raisins Here:

Photo by Carolyn V on Unsplash

Hospitality Isn’t a Gift. It’s Something More. + BOOK GIVEAWAY

This post kicks off our theme this month, “Practical (and Impractical) Hospitality.” Check back, comment, and/or follow along on social media to join the conversation! Plus, we’re giving away a free copy of Just Open the Door! Find more details at the bottom of this post.

By Ronne Rock | Twitter: @RonneRock

The kind Vicar smiled and asked who might like to host an evening of good food and great conversation, and sign-up sheets were placed on the table that serves as foyer and guest registry and whatever else is needed on any given Sunday. Church services in an elementary school cafeteria mean that communion is served each week amidst signs encouraging kids to be polite and clean up after themselves, and food pantry contributions are collected in the “nut-free zone” to the right of the front doors. There is no special lighting, no comfortable seat cushions for the lunch tables turned into pews—but there is a nice coffee bar for everyone who attends, set up by volunteers who are quick to offer a napkin and a smile, served up with a piece of homemade pumpkin bread.

Church in an elementary school means that anything that happens beyond Sunday mornings happens somewhere else. Most of the time, that somewhere else is in someone’s home.

Folks who know me would see it is as no surprise when I raised my hand without hesitation to host a dinner. The kitchen and the table are sacred places to me—so much so that I even have a section on my website devoted to #kitchentherapy. There are always lessons to be learned, there is always grace to be lavished and hope to shine brightly there.

Some folks say I have the spiritual gift of hospitality.

I beg to differ.

Because I don’t believe hospitality is a gift.

Oh, I think there are most certainly gifts that are divinely inspired – mine are exhortation, leadership, and wisdom (though I question the last one quite often when I can’t find my glasses while they’re sitting on my face or I freak out that my phone has gone missing while I’m talking to someone on it). But I believe hospitality isn’t one of those gifts for any of us. Rather, it’s a discipline to be practiced by each and every one of us. It’s sprinkled all throughout scripture – in Romans 12, we are told to be kind to everyone and extend hospitality to strangers, and in Hebrews 13, it says that our hospitality may even be brightening the day of angels. Hospitality goes far beyond hanging out with friends. It means caring for strangers, refugees, widows, orphans, wayfaring travelers in need of a little kindness.

It even means treating our enemies with kindness. Yes, even our enemies.

Hospitality isn’t something only some of us are divinely equipped to do. No, hospitality is at its essence a reflection of the personality of Jesus. Maybe that’s why 1 Peter 4:8-9 likens being hospitable with loving well – and we are encouraged to extend hospitality without complaining about it.

Jesus certainly didn’t have to be hospitable to the man He knew was plotting to end His life. And yet, He invited Judas to the same Passover meal as He did the rest of the disciples. He offered Judas the same bread, poured Judas the same wine, and even knelt to wash his feet.

Jesus didn’t have to be hospitable to the disciple who denied even knowing Him as He hung on a cross. And yet, He cooked a fabulous fish and biscuit breakfast for Peter and then told him that love was going to flow through his life like a river.

Hospitality is a potluck. It is a safe place to sleep, or some clean clothes to wear. Hospitality is a kind word or a genuine smile on a hard day, a little spare change to make the journey easier, a warrior prayer. Hospitality is at its best when it’s shared without discrimination, and it shows its muscles most when it is lavished on souls who don’t expect it.

Trust me, I’m still working on the whole hospitality thing. Laying down my life as a welcome mat for others grinds away the sharp barbs of control and smooths the rough edges of privilege and entitlement. Even the simple act of saying “yes” to a potluck is a lesson in the making, because it means I can’t force the outcome. And for a girl who stares down perfection and anxiety on a regular basis, simply trusting God to indeed work all things together for good (including a dinner filled with folks I don’t know and food I might not like) is a much-needed thing. Here’s to practicing hospitality over and over again.

About Ronne:

Ronne Rock weaves themes of transformative hope into everything she shares on page and stage. An award-winning marketing and communications executive in both the corporate and nonprofit sectors, she offers expertise about creative leadership with faith-based organizations. Ronne is a regular contributor to Orange and QARA, a digital publication that empowers 20-somethings to discover their True North. She now invests her time telling stories that change stories with Orphan Outreach, a ministry dedicated to serving orphans and vulnerable children in developing countries around the world. Ronne also loves to share personal stories about life, love, leadership, and a little #kitchentherapy. Her words are published in Everbloom: Stories of Deeply Rooted and Transformed Lives and the For You Love devotional series. When she’s not working in developing countries, you’ll find Ronne in the Texas Hill Country with her husband, Brad, and rescue mutt, Pearl. Their son and his family live in Arizona, which she has deemed is too far away. You can follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or at her website.

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This month on Scraping Raisins we’re talking about practical and impractical hospitality. Be sure to follow along on my social media channels (buttons on top right of website) and subscribe to my newsletter to be updated on all the posts, plus links to thought-provoking articles from the web and a few books and podcasts.

I still have a few spots open this month, so email me at scrapingraisins (dot) gmail (dot) com if you’re interested in guest posting! You can find writing guidelines here. I would need your submission by October 15th;-)

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In honor of this month’s theme, I’ll be giving away a copy of Just Open the Door: How One Invitation Can Change a Generation, by Jen Schmidt, to one Scraping Raisins reader! This book shares how to take the next steps in extending hospitality to others. To win:

1. Be sure you’re subscribed to my newsletter

2. Share this post on one of your social media outlets (Twitter, Facebook or Instagram) and tag me (find me as either “Leslie Verner” or “Scraping Raisins”).

3. If you tag friends in your share, I’ll enter you once more for each friend you tag.

I’ll be keeping track on my trusty post-it note by my computer and I’ll notify the winner on October 31st! 😉

Sign up for the (occasional) Mid-month Digest and the (loosely) “end of the month” Secret Newsletter for Scraping Raisins Here:

*this post includes Amazon affiliate links

What Happens in Neighborhoods {guest post}

By Afton Rorvik | Twitter: @AftonRorvik

When we moved into our new neighborhood, I did not know what to expect. Would we make friends and find connection?

I grew up on two acres of land in what was then rural Colorado, surrounded by German Shepherds, tomato plants, Russian Olive trees, gophers, and a variety of snakes and mice. Our nearest neighbors—mangy sheep and burly riding horses—didn’t bother us and we didn’t bother them. Of course, the barbed-wire fences helped.

When I moved to a Chicago suburb to attend school, I had no idea I would still be in this suburb decades later. Far away from rural Colorado, I now live next to people, not sheep and horses.

My husband and I and our two kids had only lived in our new house in a Chicago suburb for a few days when several women knocked on our door and invited me to go to a movie with them. I declined, explaining how overwhelmed I felt with the details of moving. My neighbors persisted. A block party. An open house. Coffee at the little shop down the hill.

So very different than living next to sheep and horses.

Nancy lived at the heart of our suburban neighborhood although not exactly at the geographic center. She came early to every neighborhood event and left late. Her mac and cheese had long ago become standard fare at all potlucks. She knew everyone, and everyone knew her. She loved to walk through our streets, usually with her niece’s Jack Russell Terrier in tow. Walking, actually, does not describe what Nancy did. Her meanderings more resembled a halting waltz. She glided slowly, gracefully down the sidewalk until she spotted a neighbor. Then she stopped. Immediately.

The seasons came and went. I started to accumulate phone numbers and began to learn names. I had several conversations with Nancy and other neighbors. Our daughter memorized the names of all the dogs.

Then one winter, in the early hours of dawn, the piercing sound of an ambulance shook our neighborhood. As neighbors woke up that morning, news spread quickly: Nancy, only 49, had had a heart attack. The paramedics had not been able to spare her life.

I did not anticipate my reaction to this news: I sobbed.

I did not know Nancy well, and yet I did. I had come to depend on her mac and cheese, her face-splitting grin, and her probing questions. I loved her stories of talking about Jesus with people in line at the grocery store or Jehovah’s Witnesses who knocked at her door.

And now?

Bev had already planned her annual Christmas open house for the day of Nancy’s funeral. We all discussed canceling it, but then someone voiced our collective thoughts, “No. We need to be together. Nancy would want it that way.”

And so we celebrated Nancy’s life and faith at her funeral. The church oozed with friends and families. We carpooled there and back. We gravitated to Bev’s house where we all listened for Nancy’s heart-felt laugh and distinctive voice. We talked of her mac and cheese as if it had been some rare delicacy. We remembered. We hurt. Together.

I did not know that this happened in neighborhoods.

How thankful I am to live near people—these people—who have taught me the great joy of living connected, living in community.

About Afton:

Afton Rorvik savors words, flavored coffee, time outside, and living connected. Although an introvert, she has come to realize that what really matters in life is people and faith in Jesus, which gives her strength and courage to live connected. She is the author of Storm Sisters: Friends for All Seasons. Follow her at her website, www.aftonrorvik.com, Facebook and Twitter.

 

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This month on Scraping Raisins we are talking about Friendship and Community. Be sure and subscribe to my newsletter or follow on social media so you don’t miss a post!

The theme for October is Practical and Impractical Hospitality, so visit the submissions guidelines if you’re interested in guest posting! New and seasoned writers welcome;-)

Sign up for the (occasional) Mid-month Digest and the (loosely) “end of the month” Secret Newsletter for Scraping Raisins Here:

*This post contains Amazon affiliate links.

Photo by Daria Nepriakhina on Unsplash

When the Church Opens Doors to Refugees {guest post}

By Tatyana Claytor | Twitter: @TatyanasTable

We sat in their living room surrounded by a feast. Thin pastry-like crust stuffed with seasoned rice, meat, and cashews. Grape leaves filled with rice. Folded pockets of creamy chicken. We reclined on couches circling a large coffee table stacked with dishes.

The mother of this family explained with halted English how scary it had become in their homeland of Syria under the president, how they fled to Egypt and lived there for four years before finding passage to America. With sadness, she mentioned family who were still there, though she was grateful things had gotten better. When she left the room, our friend who knew the family well, mentioned her father had just recently died.

These were flesh and blood people in front of me. People who had a different culture and faith from mine, but people presenting the Imago Dei nevertheless. We came to be in their home that evening through an interesting chain of events that started with a hurricane and with a church’s decision to adapt to their changing city.

When Hurricane Irma came barreling down upon Florida in 2017, many Syrian families who had settled previously in West Palm Beach temporarily fled north into Georgia. While there, they found Clarkston, Georgia, the most ethnically diverse square mile in the United States. This place was chosen by our government to be a great location for the resettling of refugees.

Refugees, once they have been placed in a home, have three months of financial assistance to find a job and become self-sufficient. This is a daunting task for many who have limited English skills and are overwhelmed with a different culture and way of life.

This was also a distinct cultural shift for the people of Clarkston, finding it filled with people so different from them. For the original church inhabitants of Clarkston, a choice had to be made– either run from the changing world of their city or embrace this change as an opportunity to do missions without even leaving home. Clarkston International Church (CIBC) chose to do the latter. Their church built ministries based on the needs of the people–ESOL, job skills–while creating space for the Christians within these communities to worship.

It is this church that reached out to our Syrian friends and provided a refuge during Irma. Once the danger passed, however, our Syrian friends headed back home to Florida.

Unfortunately, the trip back did not go so smoothly. In the aftermath of Irma, there were food, hotel, and gas shortages and a curfew in West Palm Beach. Around the Florida border, this Syrian family wasn’t sure if they would have enough gas or food to make it back to West Palm before the curfew.

Our friends from CIBC called my husband, who is the youth and missions pastor of our church in Cocoa, Florida. They asked if we could help over thirty people by providing a place for them to stay and food to eat. Though our resources were limited due to the hurricane, our church rallied and assembled air mattresses, blankets, and a meal of spaghetti.

These experiences motivated this Syrian family to move shortly after to Clarkston, Georgia where they had felt love and care. Less than a year later, they cared for us on our youth mission trip to Georgia by providing a meal and sharing a glimpse into their own lives before becoming refugees.

The father was tall, with a dark complexion and a giant smile. He spoke no English and used the older of his two sons to translate. They, along with his wife and youngest son, ate in another room, leaving us to feast alone. However, they would occasionally stop in to see if we had any needs.

When we expressed interest in his home country, he proudly turned on the TV to show us videos of Syria before the war. Beautifully lit streets with cafes tumbling out of doors, chefs cooking ridiculously large meals, a countryside of rolling hills and bright flowers. I observed his face as he watched these videos, clearly longing for a time that had passed. I imagined what it might feel like to live in a foreign country and know my own country was in ruins.

Jason, a pastor from CIBC, came in halfway through our meal, and though he could not speak their language, the father’s face lit up when he saw him. His son was dutifully brought before Jason to translate his father’s requests. He was still looking for a job and had someone he wanted Jason to contact for him.

Jason also helped our youth group understand the experiences of people like our Syrian friends. One of the activities he did with the youth was called The Refugee Loss Simulation. He asked the youth to place the names of four important people in their lives on four separate cards. Then they wrote two things that are part of their identity (sports, music, etc) and the possessions they value.

The leader read a story of a typical refugee. Along the way, he asked the youth to give cards up, though sometimes he took the cards and they didn’t know what was taken. Finally, they looked at their cards to see what was left. All the students wept at the end.

For some, the hard decision of deciding to give up a loved one to save the others filled them with guilt. For others, having a card ripped away without knowing which one was taken filled them with dread. At the end of it, they related, in a tiny part, to the difficult decisions and repercussions of losing what is valuable to you that many refugees experience.

The youth thought differently about refugees after that. The next day as they worked with refugees in kids camps, home visits, or service projects, they were aware of the trauma of loss. They viewed these refugees through the lens of compassion instead of political rights and wrongs. This perspective enabled our youth to serve well. They took joy in teaching them about God’s character, sang songs with them, and played sports.

I’m amazed at the circular nature of God. Serving and being served, hosting and being hosted, blessing and being blessed. Our two summers of working with refugees at CIBC reminded us that the small decisions we make stretch beyond us in blessings upon blessings. We always have a choice–we can open doors or close doors–but the choice to serve is one we never regret.

About Tatyana:
Tatyana Claytor is primarily a lover of story and truth. As an English teacher, she is surrounded by the stories of the ages, but as a lover of God, she is enveloped in the Story beyond all ages. Her desire is to know the Author of this story as clearly as possible that she might help others see God’s truth in their lives and His plan in their stories. She currently lives in Cocoa, Florida with her three story-loving children and her husband, a minister of Youth and Missions. She has a Master’s degree in Education from Nova Southeastern University and a Master’s degree in Professional Writing from Liberty University. You can find her at her website, www.tatyanastable.com, Facebook, and Twitter.

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The theme for August is “Homelessness, Refugees & the Stranger.” Follow along on social media (links in upper right) to keep up with the latest posts or sign up for the newsletter below for links to the most recent blog posts, thought-provoking articles from the web, and a few of the things I’m into these days.

Sign up for the (occasional) Mid-month Digest and the (loosely) “end of the month” Secret Newsletter for Scraping Raisins Here:

Photo credit: Photo by Fancycrave on Unsplash

Photo by Don Ross III on Unsplash

Pray for the Queen Esthers in the White House

Immigration is a complicated issue, but Trump’s Zero Tolerance Policy of criminalizing those seeking asylum in our country and separating mothers from their babies plunges beneath the baseline of what constitutes as a basic human right.

Children belong with their families.

Using kids to teach a lesson, or as a “deterrent” to immigrating illegally is inhumane, base and immoral.

Two months ago, on April 19th, border patrol began enforcing a Zero Tolerance policy that criminalized seeking asylum in the United States, meaning that parents were arrested and over 2,000 children were sent to stay without their loved ones in detention facilities.

I’m not writing this to convince anyone that Trump’s policy is a vile aggression on humanity. If you need to be convinced of that, then read this, look at these pictures, or listen to this.

I’m writing because this is all I can do from the safety of my kitchen table as my own three children watch Sesame Street in the room next to me. I feel helpless and paralyzed.

But not hopeless.

Because I believe there are Esthers in the White House. The Bible tells the story of a Jewish woman named Esther who was strategically placed in a position of power in order to speak truth at a time when her people were in danger. Her guardian encouraged her with the famous line that perhaps she was put in power “for such a time as this” (Esther 4:14).

I’m praying for those in the White House with a heart to begin listening to it.

I’m praying compassion would flood the floors of Congress and saturate every Congress member with grief, lament and renewed resolve to fight injustice.

And if not an Esther, perhaps a Daniel or Joseph? Daniel was chosen to serve the king when his people were in exile. He could have been belligerent, but used his power for the good of his people. In another book of the Bible, Joseph gains favor with the king, who takes him out of prison and positions him in leadership so he ends up helping many people (Gen. 50:20).

So along with donating to an organization raising money to reunite families, calling my representatives and writing letters (I used Resistbot for the first time today!), finding out about the protests in my area, and spreading the word as much as I can about this atrocity, I am also praying for the Esthers in the White House.

Join me in praying for these female Republican Senators (most of the Democrats are already on board with the proposed legislation, called the Keep Families Together Act):

Joni Erst (Iowa), Susan Collins (Maine), Cindy Hyde-Smith (Mississippi), Deb Fischer (Nebraska), Shelley Moore Capito (West Virginia), Lisa Murkowski (Alaska)

And for These Female Republican House Reps:

Martha Roby (Alabama), Martha McSally (Arizona), Debbie Lesko (Arizona), Mimi Walters (California), Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (Florida), Karen Handel (Georgia), Jackie Walorski (Indiana), Susan Brooks (Indiana), Lynn Jenkins (Kansas), Ann Wagner (Missouri), Vicky Hartzler (Missouri), Elise Stefanik (New York), Claudia Tenney (New York), Virginia Foxx (North Carolina), Kristi Noem (S. Dakota), Diane Black (Tennessee), Marsha Blackburn (Tennessee), Kay Granger (Texas), Mia Love (Utah), Barbara Comstock (Virginia), Jaime Herrera Beutler (Washington), Kathy McMorris Rodgers (Washington), Liz Cheney (Wyoming)

Jesus, move these women to use their influence for the good of all human beings, not just United States citizens. If they are mothers, I pray they would ache with the ache only a mother can know. I pray that ache would translate to action.

Amen.

More Resources & Action Points:

In addition to calling your representatives in Congress (and especially those who are Republicans) or sending them letters, you can call these numbers:

White House comment line: 202-456-1111

Department of Justice public comment line: 202-353-1555

The Department of Homeland Security which has oversight of Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE); their comment line is 202-282-8495

If you need a script, this is what I’ve been using for my letters and phone calls:

Dear _____________,

I appreciate all you are doing for our state and country, but as a citizen I am very concerned about President Trump’s Zero Tolerance Policy concerning immigrants being separated from their own children at the border. This policy is cruel, dehumanizing, and un-American. Would you please do all you can to preserve the humanity and dignity of every person and fight against this policy and support Senator Feinstein’s Keep Families Together Act? I am a mother myself and I cannot fathom the torture of having my children torn from my arms. I used to be proud to be an American, now I simply feel ashamed. Thank you for reading this and I pray you use your influence and power for good.

Sincerely,

Leslie Verner

This article has tons of other organizations that are mobilizing to help these families.

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10 Social Experiments to Slow Down, Save Money & Live Simply

Everything around the college campus got a bit wonky when the sociology classes would do their social experiments on the rest of us. One girl started randomly holding hands with her guy friends. Another guy sat down with total strangers in the cafeteria during each meal. And another boy barked at people as he walked behind them on the way to class.

I’m not asking you to do any of those things. Most of the experiments I have in mind can be quietly conducted with little evidence at all that you are attempting to buck social norms. But they will require you to step out of what might be most comfortable for you.

Are you ready to be weird with me?

I’ve tried out most of the ideas in this list, but a few are new goals for a new year. Each of these ideas will help you to slow down, save money or live more simply. As you read, consider joining me in a few of these experiments this year. Here we go.

1. Stop buying cheap/new clothes

Kick off this social experiment by watching the documentary The True Cost on Netflix. Or read this book about fast fashion for an overview of how the clothing industry of cheap, disposable clothing (like Forever 21) not only exploits cheap labor in other countries, but fills our landfills.

Many larger cities have Once Upon a Child for good, quality used children’s clothing, 29 states have the adult version of this, called Clothes Mentor. I’ve had a lot of luck at our local thrift stores, though you can’t necessarily go with a single item in mind.

I’ve been doing this for nearly two years and have managed to buy all used clothing for myself and my family apart from shoes, underwear, socks and boy’s 4T and 5T pants (they wear out too quickly!) When we haven’t gotten used, we’ve tried to at least buy American-made, though that can get pricey.

If you’re like me and don’t want to schlep a bunch of kids with you to a thrift store, then there are a ton of online options for you. One is called ThredUp and has a great referral program where you get $10 to spend and the person you refer gets $10 to shop after they place their first order (this link includes my referral code–no extra cost to you!).

Later this month, I’ll be publishing a long list of places to buy used clothing, so stay tuned.

2. Don’t throw food away–ever

As much as 40% of our food goes uneaten in the United States, according to a Harvard study. Another article from USA Today says, “if we were able to recover all of our wasted food, we could provide a 2,000-calorie diet to 84% of the population, said Dr. Roni Neff, a Johns Hopkins University researcher who led a first-ever study examining the nutrients we’re tossing in the trash.”

I think it comes from my years living in China on a missionary’s salary, but I live like someone who went through the Great Depression. Throwing food away is a mortal sin in our household.

Most expiration dates have several days or even weeks of leeway added in, so stretch your food a little farther. Another way to waste less is to meal plan. When each vegetable in your fridge is bought for a purpose, you are less likely to throw wilted, unused veggies away at the end of the week.

Now that I live in Colorado, it’s time to join the masses here who compost. I haven’t purchased one yet, but I’m considering buying either this small composter you keep in your kitchen, or a larger one that goes right in your backyard. Both have really good reviews on Amazon. Have you composted? I’d love to hear some tips!

3. Do a phone detox

I’ve only done this once, for a week, but it was magical. I heard birds, I saw butterflies and I talked to old ladies on benches. But I haven’t done it again. So by writing this, I’m building in a bit of accountability for myself. I plan to stay off my phone during my Sabbath times (see #8) and take a more extended break from my phone one or two weeks during the year. I also plan to remove all social media and email apps from my phone except Instagram (I just can’t). The book Glow Kids has some terrifying data about how screens are affecting us and our children if you need some convincing that this might be a good idea.

In 2017, a bunch of high schoolers in Colorado pledged to stay off social media during the month of October, which sounds like something I might like to try. Otherwise, I’m thinking Lent would be a good time to go off my phone or at least off some or all social media (can you tell this is a problem for me?)

What about you? What kind of phone detox would work for you this year?

4. Invite a non-family member to your home every week

With an introverted husband, once a week may be a bit much, but since plans often get cancelled, we are shooting to invite someone over to our home for a meal or to play games at least once a week. Whatever we do often enough becomes habit, so we want to make this a priority this year. I’ve found that asking is the hardest part, but after that, I rarely regret having people into my home. Many of us attend churches and small groups, so it is easy to get caught in the Christian bubble. But who did Jesus eat with? We want to share our table with people who are like us, but also those who are very different from us this year. The books The Art of Neighboring and Making Room have revolutionized the way I now practice hospitality. If you’re interested in learning more about hospitality, check out the Facebook group called “Sorta Hospitable” that I started in December.

5. Make awkward small talk

I’ve written a bit about this, but I’m trying to be intentional about noticing the people around me. By attempting to talk to the grocery cashier, server at the restaurant or neighbor walking his dog, I can learn to appreciate people made in the image of God. Even though I’m an extrovert, I would rather have a one-on-one heart-to-heart any day than try and shoot the breeze with someone. But sometimes awkward small talk is the gateway to relationship. I met one of my best friends from the last two years at the park, so I know it’s possible.

6. Own less toys

The book Simplicity Parenting influenced many of my opinions on the stuff our kids have. Kim John Payne writes: “Nothing in the middle of a heap can be truly valued. The attention that a child could and would devote to a toy is shortened, and eclipsed by having too many…Ironically, this glut of goods may deprive a child of a genuine creativity builder: the gift of their own boredom.”

Simply put, “As you decrease the quantity of your child’s toys and clutter, you increase their attention and their capacity for deep play.” (p. 62)

My friends and family have given me a hard time about this, but we have a “no gift” rule for birthday parties. Fortunately, my oldest is still pretty young (5), so he hasn’t been to a ton of birthday parties, but I’m usually able to convince him that gifts from his parents and grandparents are sufficient. We also tell him that the party itself and all his friends being there are his gift (which he believes for now).

And while we do purchase some new toys for our kids (these have been a HUGE HIT), we encourage the grandparents to contribute money to pay for experiences like museum passes or gymnastics lessons instead of buying them new toys. The toys we do have, we keep in the garage and switch out when the ones inside aren’t being played with as often.

7. Have someone live with you

Have you ever thought of having someone live with you? We unexpectedly had a Saudi Arabian girl live with us from 2012 to 2013 and it was such a positive experience that we bought our new house with that in mind. Several of my friends have had exchange students live with them or housed an international student like we did. Yes, it’s challenging to have someone in your space, but the deep relationships, cultural learning, and authentic living that come out of it is so worth it. We just found out we’ll be having a girl from India live with us until May, so we are excited and nervous about sharing our space again.

8. Observe the Sabbath

Out of all of these, this is the hardest for me. My main problem is that so many of the activities I enjoy doing–writing, running, and spending time with people, which some might consider Sabbath activities, often just serve to make me busy. My husband and I are also puzzled about observing the Sabbath when we have three children, age five and under. I need to revisit some of the posts I wrote for Seven Days of Soul Rest back in December of 2015… It may finally be time to read the book Rhythms of Rest. For my personality type (ENTJ), I know I need structure of some kind, but I also kind of hate rigid rules. Help.

9. Have your kids share a room

I plan on smooshing our kids together until my daughter is grossed out by her older brother. I’m guessing I have another three years … Right now, she is equal to the task. I want to do this is so we can have a guest room available for people who need a place to crash. St. John Chrsystom called this the “Christ room,” referring to the passage in Matthew 25 where Jesus said, “I was a stranger and you took me in.” Because we still have little kids in our home, I don’t think we’ll be hosting homeless or those coming straight out of prison (though I’m conflicted about that, honestly), but we are open to hosting strangers and have already had some opportunities to use our home in that way.

10. Read a book every month that takes you out of your comfort zone

Personally, along with reading more fiction and poetry (I’m a non-fiction girl), I’m aiming to read at least six books written by people of color this year. I only average about two books per month, so that’s a book every other month by a person of color. I have several books that will stretch you on this and this list. I’ve found that book clubs are a great place to challenge yourself as a reader and read books you wouldn’t choose otherwise.

***

So that’s it! Not too weird, really, and maybe you already do many of these things. What are some of your goals for 2018 that will help you to slow down, save money and live simply in the new year? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this list or on your own plans!

Here are the books mentioned in this post:

Simplicity Parenting

Glow Kids

Rhythms of Rest

The Art of Neighboring

Making Room 

Overdressed

Have you signed up for my newsletter yet? I’ll be announcing some exciting changes in my next post, so be sure you don’t miss it!

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This post contains Amazon affiliate links. Anytime you click on a link and make a purchase, you will pay the same amount, but I will receive a minimal commission.

10 Social Experiments to Slow Down, Save Money & Live Simply in 2018

 

 

When We Make (Awkward) Small Talk

I used to talk to strangers a lot more than I do now. Of course that was when I lived in China, was single, and took every opportunity imaginable to practice my Chinese. Conversing with my neighbor was a win-win. I got language practice and my neighbors could satisfy their curiosity and ask me ALL the questions:

“How much money do you make?”

“Are you married?”

“Do you want me to find you a Chinese boyfriend?”

And because of that, I got to ask them everything I wanted to know as well.

One day in China I was waiting for the bus at rush hour. There were no lines, no “But I was here first’s” and no personal space. This was every man and woman for themselves. So I decided to sit on the bench with my packages and just wait for the sea to subside. I watched with amusement as elbows and knees were thrown. The mob moved as one to try and ooze into the small opening of the bus.

But as I watched, I began to notice something.

Someone.

One man in particular ran up to the crowd, pressing in against them, then retreated right before the bus drove away. I watched as this happened at least five times. Eventually, I noticed something else. As this man pressed in, I saw his hands search pockets and purses. This man was a thief.

I continued to sit and watch. Eventually, the man noticed the waiguoren (outside person/foreigner) sitting on the bench, lap piled high with packages, watching him. I finally got up my nerve.

“So how much money do you make in a day?” I asked.

Without missing a beat, he answered, “About 1000 yuan a day.” This was easily a month’s wages for a lower middle class Chinese person in my city.

Another bus approached. He glanced past me, “Excuse me,” he said. “I need to work.” I watched him run up against the crowd again, then retreat at the last moment. We chatted between each of his “work trips” and I asked about his home, his family and if he felt bad about what he was doing. “Mei ban fa,” he said. No other way.

When the crowds began to subside, I kept a hand on my bag and bid my new acquaintance goodbye. “Man zou,” Go slowly, he said. “Man zou,” I replied.

***

Since moving back to the states seven years ago, I have gotten rusty in my social skills. I no longer talk to strangers, am awkward when the grocery store cashier asks me how my day is going, and prefer texting to talking on the phone. But since moving to a new home two months ago, I am hoping for a fresh start. I want to do the things I once did in China to get to know my neighbors. Surely those methods translate to my home culture?

So two nights ago when I ran out to buy beer (yes), I hesitated when two men stood smoking in front of the entrance to the liquor store. But my old brave self took over, pushing aside my minivan-driving, latte-drinking mom self. Just do it. Go in, she said.

The men parted quickly as I approached them, the one in the hood scurried around the corner, the skinny one entered the store, apologizing. “Can I help you find anything?” he said.

“Do you have any seasonal beers?” I asked. He pointed out a few.

Bottles lined the entire back wall behind the cashier, from floor to ceiling. I was the only one in the store. “So it sounded like that guy was speaking another language,” I mentioned.

“Yeah, I think it was Hebrew,” he said. “He comes around here a lot, but he usually comes back drunk within an hour.”

“So what do you do in a case like that?” I asked. “When someone comes in drunk, do you serve them?”

We chatted a bit more and I left, my pony tail swinging as I put my Blue Moon in the passenger seat. I felt like my old self again. The self who was curious, asked questions and was interested in people. (Okay, perhaps I’m mainly interested in those who are different from me, but still.) It felt good to be inquisitive again.

***

I recently listened to a TED talk about a community on an Italian island where there are ten times the amount of centenarians than in North America. Research shows that their longevity is not due to their diet, exercise or even positive thinking. The main reason for their extended life expectancy seems to be that they live in a tight-knit community where they have daily social interactions. They make eye contact, greet one another and exchange small talk.

Though suburban living has the potential to isolate me from my neighbor, I can still seek out community. I want to greet my neighbors, make eye contact, and ask probing questions. I want to use the tools for language learning I developed in China to get to know my neighbors right here in America. What’s the main ingredient in noticing my neighbor?

Intentionality.

If we are not intentional about getting to know our neighbors, it will not happen.

So how am I going to do this? I’m taking my children trick-or-treating for Halloween. We’re going on walks around the block and stopping to chat with neighbors along the way. I’m forcing myself to talk to random teenagers or moms at the park. And I’m asking cashiers how their day is going before they have a chance to ask me.

I’m embracing my awkward for the sake of community because Jesus tells me to love my neighbor. And sometimes loving is awkward, isn’t it? Jesus doesn’t say loving our neighbor is comfortable or convenient. In fact, the story right after he commands this unreasonable love for our neighbor is about two men who side-stepped someone in need and another man who stopped to help even though it required time, money and effort he may not have wanted to give.

I’m praying for a holy curiosity in all the people around me.

I want to start loving with my ears. Every encounter with every person in my day is pre-ordained by God and full of potential. I don’t want to assume I know people’s stories, because even the most ordinary-seeming person can astound us.

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