Author: Leslie Verner

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The Cult of Calling {A Life Overseas}

I’m over at the online missions journal A Life Overseas today with some thoughts about calling.


I don’t like to say that God “calls me” anymore.

When I graduated from a Christian college, I believed I would change the world. I was determined to be useful, significant and different. I wasn’t going to join the throng of sell-outs who eventually move to comfy white-picket homes in the suburbs and attend churches where conversations afterward are meaningless and trivial, because I was called to be a missionary–the highest calling a Christian can have.

Every decision I made propelled me on that path. College? A place that would offer overseas opportunities. Major? Something useful, but that could also slide under the radar if I went to a closed country that was anti-Christian. First job? Teaching in inner city Chicago until a door opened up to go overseas (obviously). First chance to go abroad? China, because closed countries are the place to be if you really love Jesus.

I finally had the chance to answer God’s call on my life to serve Him as a missionary after a few years of teaching in the states. I sold my car, quit my job and moved to China. Yes, I was lonely at times, but I was finally doing what I was called to do, so I loved knowing that I was living such a high calling and making a difference in the world. And then something tragic happened: I fell in love with an actor in Chicago, who was not “called to missions” (careful about short trips back home when you have your guard down).

And I had to face some hard questions.

What if God hadn’t called me to missions after all?

What if I was being just a tad prideful about my “calling”?

What if I was worshipping my call?

When I made the decision to move back to the states and get engaged, I felt like a failure. Though God had made it unmistakably clear that this was the man He intended for me, I still struggled with all the demons in my head yelling at me that I was selling out by leaving the mission field.

But God.

He wanted more for me. He wanted me to step down off my pedestal and walk among the “uncalled” for a while. He wanted me to untangle my identity, unwinding all the programming I had received that led me to believe that I was “more,” that I was doing “more” and being “more” than other Christians. The lies. That my life was somehow more meaningful because I was serving Him in another country. That I was special because I had that call on my life.

And He wanted me to understand something about the way He calls His children.

I am not called to missions, marriage, motherhood, writing or teaching. I am called, first and foremost, to intimacy with Jesus Christ.

That is my call.

Even art: writing, acting, singing, painting, sculpting, dancing or any other creative venture as a calling on our lives has the potential to lure us away from our First Love, to become a golden idol that we prostrate ourselves to.

So I no longer raise “calling” to the level that I once did, because I tried to find myself there and got lost. When my calling was taken away, I was left wandering in the soul wilderness of despair, a place of despondency where those who are loved as image-bearers of Jesus have no place.

So to what—to whom–are we called?

We are called to Jesus Christ—to lean on His breast, wipe His feet with our hair, dance before Him, fall in love again and again, feast on His body and bread, and indulge in the love that died for us. And out of the rush of that call, we are to give Him all that we have and all that we are. If we have the gift of words, then we write for Him. If He opens doors to serve Him through missions, we pour ourselves out abroad just as we would at home. If He gives us family and children, then we enjoy them, work for them and love them hard. And if He gifts us in dance, acting, song, painting or any other creative venture, we wildly hand back these gifts as an offering to Him.

And if He moves us to a place we don’t want to be? If we are injured and can do longer paint or sculpt? If we age and can no longer dance? When our children grow up and move away? Then we will not fall apart, because we are NOT our art. We are not our ministry. We are not our “calling.” We belong to Christ and are stamped with the love of the Holy Spirit, in whom we live and move and have our being. And He never looked at us and saw our gifts anyway (though they made Him smile).

He has always looked at us and seen us as His beloved adopted children, and He is the one that stands singing over us, dancing in joy to be with us and giving us the most profound words ever written. Our callings are a taste of glory, a gift to be given back, an opportunity to experiment with creating like God creates. But they can never define us, make us complete or bring us ultimate fulfillment, because they are an imperfect tool to glorify a perfect God.

So, no, I no longer say that “God calls me,” in the same smug way that I once did, assuming that a call is forever or even that there is a hierarchy of calls, with some being more holy than others. Instead, if I use those words, I preface it by saying that I am called to this “for now.” And if and when that calling shifts, I am left standing on solid ground, because my calling is to intimacy with Jesus Christ. And He never changes.

Republished at For Every Mom on May 12, 2016

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Surviving the Culture Shock of Motherhood

Peering out of the airplane window at orange dirt, bright green fields and spirals of smoke rising up from the waking villages, I wiped away tears with my shirt sleeve. I was finally in Africa.   

In my first weeks in Uganda, every sight and sound in its exotic newness was titillating and welcome. I was immediately captivated by the unusual food, danceable music, lyrical language, brightly colored clothing, funny store signs and friendly faces. My school-girl crush had become a reality and I was in love.

But within a few weeks into my six month stay I was crying less joyous tears on a daily basis. Alone, I felt misunderstood, annoyed, purposeless and overwhelmed by the amount of energy it took to try and adapt to a culture that was so different from my own. All that had once been quirky or fascinating was now aggravating. I was in culture shock.

~~~

Fast forward fifteen years and I now find myself adapting to another new culture: motherhood and staying home with teeny children. I was in a school setting as a student or teacher full-time for nearly thirty years, so quitting work after my first baby and not living in the vice of the education structure felt amazing–at first. Although I had a grueling labor with my first child (didn’t we all?), I was elated to have a son and felt like I was on a love drug in those hours and days after giving birth. The honeymoon stage of motherhood lasted a year or more for me.

It‘s been nearly four years since my last day of work as a teacher and the magic mommy tonic has worn off. What used to be quirky and darling—even funny—has now become frustrating. I find I am transported back to my Africa days of feeling misunderstood, annoyed, purposeless and overwhelmed. I am in the culture shock of motherhood. But perhaps some of the ways I learned to combat culture shock abroad can also apply to adapting to this culture of motherhood.

Be a Learner
The best advice I received before traveling abroad was to go into a new culture with the attitude of a learner. It’s easy as a mother to see our children as blank slates to be filled. We feel are all-knowing and our job is to teach our children how to be human beings.

Yesterday I sat in a lawn chair in the backyard watching my kids playing in the sprinkler for the first time this season. Slipping and laughing, they went through a range of emotions as they tried to fill toys with water only to be splashed by the moving water. As I watched, I envied their ability to play without a care or worry in the world. And I thought about how Jesus tells us to be like little children. 

Surviving the Culture Shock of Motherhood~ "...perhaps some of the ways I learned to combat culture shock abroad can also apply to adapting to this culture of motherhood."


 If we become students of our children, we will learn how to live the way Jesus wants us to live—loving, curious, emotional, dependent, silly, playful, trusting, excited about the little things, and without worry or shame. Children are much like the lilies of the field and the ravens of the air that Jesus spoke of in Luke 12—completely unaware of the cares of the world, but confident that their needs will be met. Instead of always looking for ways to change them, sometimes I need to become their student.  

Sense of Humor
Another way to fight against culture shock is to maintain a sense of humor. I could cry about having to locate the two resident cockroaches in the outhouse I had to use everyday in Africa, or I could greet them by name before doing my business. Every day seemed to offer plenty of opportunities to either have a mental break down or break down laughing. Motherhood is much the same.  

Last week I had one of those epic grocery store trips. The kids were in the shopping cart cars that I have a love-hate relationship with, “driving” along cutely until my almost two-year-old daughter bit my three-year old son. Screaming ensued, so I strapped my daughter in the front part of the cart so I could console my son. When I turned after putting him back in the toy car, cherry tomatoes were scattered all over the aisle and my daughter grinned with tomato seeds dripping down her chin. A sympathetic woman helped me pick them up and I hustled to the check-out to put an end to my misery, my daugher taking off her sandals and dropping them several times before getting there. I took my son out of the car part so the cashier could more easily get our groceries and he began howling again. I wanted to join him.  

But then I caught the compassionate eye of a mom in the next aisle and instead I laughed. I feel like there is a level of disastrous events that eventually tips the scale to the ridiculous and truly the only thing to do is to acknowledge the hilarity and laugh.

Take a Break
Sometimes you just need to escape for a little while. I lived with a family in a village in Uganda, but I had several opportunities during my time there to get away with another American friend for the weekend. Getting out of the routine and just remembering who I was again was enough to help me get through to the next period of time. Similarly, as moms we don’t need to feel guilty about escaping for some time away. Whether it is a couple of hours at a coffee shop, a weekend away with girl friends or a day in a cabin for a personal retreat, we need time away from our children to center us and give us space to regroup and remember our identity apart from being a mom. 

 Being vs. doing
The last stages of culture shock involve finally adapting and gaining some semblance of independence in your new culture. In order to this, you need to develop relationships, learn the language and shed some aspects of your old culture in order to assimilate to your new culture. In motherhood, this can look like making new friends, really listening to our children, meeting their needs and accepting that sometimes “being” has more value than “doing” in this new culture.

In Uganda, my job in the slums was to file records and proofread documents. I felt useless, ignorant and angry that my qualifications were going unused. On rough days with my kids, it’s easy for me to focus on all the ways my skills and education are being wasted while I roll a hundred play dough snakes, read books, change diapers, sit through library story times and fold tiny clothes. I didn’t get my masters for this, I think.

But one of the greatest lessons I learned living abroad is the value of being over doing. I eventually developed strong friendships with Ugandans that made living there not only bearable, but meaningful. Most other cultures value relationships over tasks. In the culture of motherhood, presence trumps productivity. Sometimes my children need me to stop doing and just be with them.

~~~

I now look back on my time in Uganda with “yearbook eyes,” remembering the sights, sounds and friends that caused me to fall in love in the first place. I’m sure this period of time with little ones at home will be much the same. But in the meantime, I’m asking for Jesus to strengthen me and give me the ability to be a learner, laugh, know when to get away, and celebrate being over doing. If you’re a struggling mama, I pray the same for you today.

~~~

Can you relate? Please share in the comments! I’d love to hear your story. 

~~~

Related Posts:  
Motherhood and the Big Picture

For the Mom Whose Life Feels Small

Last Post: Online Resources for Bloggers and Writers {Thursday Thoughts for Writers} 

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Surviving the Culture Shock of Motherhood~ "...perhaps some of the ways I learned to combat culture shock abroad can also apply to adapting to this culture of motherhood."

Surviving the Culture Shock of Motherhood~ "...perhaps some of the ways I learned to combat culture shock abroad can also apply to adapting to this culture of motherhood."

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Online Resources for Bloggers & Writers {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}

The following are resources I have come across in the past several months that aid writers and bloggers in their craft.

The following are resources I have come across in the past several months that aid writers and bloggers in their craft.  Since my blog is not monetary, this list is mainly geared towards simple blogging and those needing a bit of encouragement as a writer.  I’ll be updating it periodically, so bookmark this page for future reference!

Blogs about Writing:

Jeff Goins
A blog with tons of ideas, tips and inspirational posts about becoming a better, more productive writer.

Writer’s Edit: The Literary Magazine
This site is full of tips and resources for writers.  If you follow them on Twitter, they often post great quotes about writing!

Podcasts for writers and bloggers:

Ann Kroeker, Writing Coach
This link will take you to her blog, podcast and coaching business.  I’ve been binge-listening to the podcast because each one is only 3 to 7 minutes long and she offers some helpful tips on writing.

The Creative Penn 
Joanna Penn offers resources on how to write, publish and edit your book.  Though I’m not writing a book, I still found this podcast to be relevant as a writer.

The Portfolio Life with Jeff Goins
Goins provides inspiring ideas for developing professionally and personally as a writer. 

How They Blog
Although the last episode for this podcast aired in 2014, I am still finding the information to be very useful as a blogger.  I especially enjoyed episode 33 with Anne Bogel (whose podcast, What Should I Read Next is also fantastic) and episode 30 on the fundamentals of becoming a better writer.

Podcasts related to creatives:

The Accidental Creative
I listened to the episode “10 Things I’ve Learned in 10 Years of Podcasts” and really enjoyed hearing about what he has learned over the years.

Magic Lessons, with Elizabeth Gilbert
I especially loved the first two episodes of this podcast, so I would definitely start there.  It was very encouraging to me as an intrepid new writer to just get started doing what I knew I needed to do. 

Websites for Images:

Pixabay
I’m not a photographer, so this is where I usually get the images for my blog.  They have over 620,000 stock images that are free and within the copyright laws of Creative Commons.   

Canva
This is my favorite site for creating blog titles and twitter and Pinterest images.  The images are limited, so first download an image from pixabay, upload it to canva and then add your title.

Picmonkey
If I do happen to take my own photo, this is a very user-friendly site for free photo editing and creating collages.


Helpful Articles:

15 Ways to Avoid Blogger Burnout, by Pinch of Yum blog
Though this is from a food blog (with amazing recipes, by the way), this article applies to all bloggers.  It gave me some great ideas on setting boundaries.

Why It’s Kind of Okay If No One Reads Your Blog, by Rebecca K. Reynolds
I mentioned this article in a previous Thursday Thoughts for Writers post as one that liberated me from feeling like I had to share everything with the world for the sake of authenticity.

In Which I am Retiring “In Which” and a Few Other Decisions About Blogging, by Sarah Bessey
Love this:  “Chill out. Write what I want, when I want, and hang the rest of it. I still believe down deep that good content trumps click-bait titles and free graphics.”  This is also a timely post if you feel close to burn out!

Groups:

The Peony Project (Facebook Group)
A space for women who love Jesus, love blogging and love community.  This is a fantastic group of women and I have learned a ton from being a part of this group.

~~~

What other resources can you add to this?  Drop a comment below or send me a personal message and if it’s relevant, I’ll add it to the list!

~~~




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Last Post: What Activates Your Soul?
Next Post: Surviving the Culture Shock of Motherhood

 

On Thursdays this year, I’ll share thoughts, tips and inspiration for writers.  I’m certainly not an expert, but am simply seeking personal encouragement in this art and want to share with anyone who’s also trying to find their way as a writer.  These short posts will come from books, articles, the Bible, my own thoughts, and other people.  Subscribe in the upper right corner so that you don’t miss a post.  If you’re new to the series, find all the posts here.  Come meet me in the comments–I’d love to read your thoughts on writing.


Happy writing!

Leslie

The following are resources I have come across in the past several months that aid writers and bloggers in their craft.
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What activates your soul?


For me, it’s traveling and meeting people from other countries.  Parts of myself came alive that I never knew existed until I lived in China for five years.  New skills, talents, likes and dislikes emerged that made me feel like I had been a stranger to myself up until that point.  I used to be so immersed in Chinese that I would wake myself up at night speaking it.

Now that I am back in the states, it feels like many of those aspects of my personality are now lying dormant.  Like a part of myself sleeps. 

Two weeks ago we attended our first dinner sponsored by a Christian organization, but held for international students from the nearby university.  With my daughter on my hip, I snaked along the three 20-foot tables that showcased everything from fried chicken to ma po dou fu.  We joined my husband and three-year-old son at one of about 25 tables in the large church gym, settling down with our plates full of the foods of the world.  I spotted some Asian faces and after noticing they were speaking Chinese, encouraged them to sit with us.

I held back on revealing that I, too, could speak Chinese—partly so I could give them the chance to practice their English, partly so I could eavesdrop on their conversation before they knew I could understand.  When I finally did use Chinese to ask them how they liked the food, they immediately turned from being shy and cautious to being animated and full of warmth. 

My son, on the other hand, who had never heard me speak so much in Chinese, looked terrified.  It was as if someone had inhabited his mommy’s body and taken over.  “Are you speaking English?” he asked, horrified about what was happening.  I tried to reassure him by explaining that this was Chinese, another language, but he continued to look skeptical and begged me to stop.

In addition to getting the chance to speak Chinese again, God gave me a bit of a nudge that night through a divine coincidence.  In China, I lived in one of the lesser known provinces in northwest China.  Many Chinese had been sent from the populated east in the 50’s to develop this desert area of China, but it was far from a well-known travel destination.  By Chinese standards, the capital city where I lived was considered small.  And so I was shocked to discover that out of the 1.4 billion people living in China, I had sat next to a man who was from the very city I had last lived in before leaving China.  Some may call that a coincidence, I call it a tender touch from Jesus Himself, reminding me that He sees me. 

At the end of the dinner, my husband leaned over and whispered to me, “You should invite them over to make jiao zi!”  When I mentioned it to our new friends, they all answered with huge grins on their faces that they would love to.

So two of the men and one of their 5-year-old sons, Tu Tu, came over last night to make jiao zi (Chinese dumplings).  We chattered away in English and Chinese and my son and Tu Tu zoned out watching cartoons.  Seeing them sitting together on the couch made me smile—because before marriage I had always imagined my future children would have Chinese friends. 

I’m glad my husband had spent some time in China, because he wasn’t shocked when they asked how much our rent was for this place.  However, he wasn’t aware that culturally, our friends wouldn’t eat the snacks we had placed out unless we practically forced them to.

As we bid them farewell, my heart was skipping in a way I can’t explain except that I know some of those dormant aspects of my personality were allowed out of hiding for the evening.   

And this morning, my husband told me I had been speaking Chinese in my sleep again.

~~~

What activates your soul? 

What are some areas of your pre-kid life that might shock your children?
~~~

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9 Things I’ve Learned in 6 Months of Writing {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}

9 Things I've Learned in 6 Months of Writing~ I've been writing consistently now for the past six months and I wanted to spend this post (my 97th!) just reflecting on this journey so far as a writer (as every teacher who's ever assigned a "reflection" can appreciate). Here are few things I've learned along the way.

This post is for me.  But I’ll let you in on my thoughts if you promise to share some of your journey after reading this.

I started this blog over two years ago, but had exactly zero page views–because I told no one about its existence.  I stopped after a few posts.  It wasn’t until I had words that were burning holes in my soul two years later that I dusted the ole blog off again to link it up with another site.  It was terrifying–and exhilarating–to have words I wrote be read by others.  But it wasn’t until I jumped in to the write 31 days challenge that I really flexed my muscles as a writer.  And after 31 days straight of writing, I couldn’t imagine it not being a part of my life anymore.  

I’ve been writing consistently now for the past six months and I’m spending this post (my 97th!) reflecting on this journey so far as a writer (as every teacher who’s ever assigned a “reflection” can appreciate).  Here are few things I’ve learned along the way.

1. Blogging is a unique style of writing.  Blogging is perfect for the lazy reader. It’s more conversational and casual.  It defies all the rules you learned in English class.  For example:  Writing.like.this.for.dramatic.effect.  Bolding random lines. Writing lists like “9 Things I’ve Learned in 6 Months of Writing.”  And using fragments. Or one word sentences that get their own space.

Naturally.

2. Writing is not a means to an end.  Writing is an end in and of itself.  Writing, like running, has become therapeutic for me.  There have been moments in the past six months where I have literally written out my anger, loneliness and frustration and gotten up from my chair feeling like I had molded those emotions into something more beautiful and useful.  I’m finding that I’m not writing to publish or to get X number of “likes” or follows (and certainly not to make money), but because I love writing and it gets my inner gears turning in ways I can’t even explain yet. 

3. I share much more in my blog posts than I do with people face-to-face.  Although I’m an extrovert, I’m more private than I realize because some of my close friends have read more about me in the past six months than I shared with them in a year of in-person friendship.  I like hiding behind words.  It is terrifying to accept new friends on Facebook who don’t know about my writing because they will have a doorway to my heart.  Honestly, I would rather write for strangers than for friends and peers.

4. You have to let go of control when you share your words on the Internet.  Once I hit publish, I have no more say over who can take my words and share them on any social media platform they choose.  Though I haven’t had any posts “go viral,” I have experienced a spike in numbers of a certain posts that have left me pondering the fact that some stranger somewhere is sharing my heart words with people I don’t know.  It’s flattering, but also unnerving if I think too much about it.

5. I constantly question how much self-promoting I need to do and it never stops feeling kind of icky.  I usually share to my personal Facebook page once a week, but share every post several times on Twitter.  I make myself feel better about this by telling myself that people only have to click on the link if they want to.  Many blogs host link-ups, blog hops or blog parties where you can link your blog, but have to comment on one or two others.  If I did this every day, it would take up every minute of actual writing time for me, so I’ve found the next point to be a better way to get my blog out there.

6.  I appreciate the challenge of attempting to get work published.  Since January, I’ve submitted several articles for publishing.  A few have been published and even more have been sent back.  The ones that weren’t published, I’ve usually re-read and wondered what I was thinking to have even tried to get them published.  In most cases, I’ve reworked them and made them better than before.  So lately, I’m relieved if I get an acceptance, but with the caveat of “but would you mind working on this some more?”  I’m thankful for the second chance to polish up my rough drafts that seem more rough from a distance than the day I first hit “send.”

7. God is so pleased that I am using this gift.  I know it sounds arrogant to put words in God’s mouth, but  I can’t tell you how many supernatural winks, nudges, smiles and hand-squeezes I’ve felt over the past six months of writing.  Like the probably overused quote about Eric Liddell of Chariots of Fire, “When I run, I feel God’s pleasure,” I can honestly say that that’s how I feel when I write.

8.  I wouldn’t be writing if it weren’t for my husband.  I’m thankful to have a husband who has not only an appreciation for the arts, but a real love for them.  With a bachelors in theatre and a masters in acting, if there’s anyone who understands doing something you love without hope of monetary compensation, he does.  Since I started this venture, he has been my cheerleader, proofreader and greatest fan.  I would have talked myself out of writing long before now if it weren’t for his encouraging words and support.

9. My world is wider, my friendships deeper and my soul more attuned to God’s work in the world now that I am writing.  I have met people I never would have known existed were we not bumping along the same roads of the Internet highway.  They have enriched my life.  And though I have often chosen to write instead of calling a friend, the new friends I meet can get to know me at a much deeper level more quickly by reading my blog.  And finally, as a writer, I am more aware of the metaphors, symbols and details in daily life than I have ever been before.  I now walk through life with ears straining, eyes open and my mind ready to receive whatever God wants to show me. 

~~~

I’m sure I‘ll think of 10 more things to add to this list as soon as I hit “publish,” but I’ll leave it at this for now.  If you are a writer and/or blogger, what have you learned through the months or years you have spent writing that you wouldn’t have learned otherwise?  How have you grown?  And do you have any advice to give me as an amateur writer?  I’d love to hear it!

~~~

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Last Post:  3 Things Helping Me Right Now as a Mother

9 Things I've Learned in 6 Months of Writing~ I've been writing consistently now for the past six months and I wanted to spend this post (my 97th!) just reflecting on this journey so far as a writer (as every teacher who's ever assigned a "reflection" can appreciate). Here are few things I've learned along the way.
On Thursdays this year, I’ll share thoughts, tips and inspiration for writers.  I’m certainly not an expert, but am simply seeking personal encouragement in this art and want to share with anyone who’s also trying to find their way as a writer.  These short posts will come from books, articles, the Bible, my own thoughts, and other people.  Subscribe in the upper right corner so that you don’t miss a post.  If you’re new to the series, find all the posts here.  Come meet me in the comments–I’d love to read your thoughts on writing.


Happy writing!

                     Leslie 

I've been writing consistently now for the past six months and I wanted to spend this post (my 97th!) just reflecting on this journey so far as a writer (as every teacher who's ever assigned a "reflection" can appreciate). Here are few things I've learned along the way.



 

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3 Things Helping Me Right Now as a Mother

3 Things Helping Me Right Now as a Mother

I lived ALONE in China for five years. So how can it be that now just schlepping my two kids to the grocery store less than a mile from my house feels like an adventurous and arduous task? Motherhood has been a joyful and unexpected gift, but as a person who had kids in her mid-thirties, the adjustment has been a jarring one. But in the past few weeks, one new habit and two new ideas have brought a bit of clarity and hope to my life as a mother in this season with little ones when it can be hard to remember who you are, much less find Jesus in the fog.

1. Get off the porch

We live at the foothills of the Rocky Mountains and I recently jogged past a house with a porch just steps from a mountain view. What a shame they can’t see the mountains, I thought. Were they to walk just ten feet from their house, they would have a spectacular view of the sun spraying the rugged mountains with pink light.

As I thought about missing my long pre-kid mornings spent with the Lord, I felt like there was a message in that for me—“Just get off the porch, Leslie. I’m right there waiting for you. All you need to do is show up.”

As a result, I’ve been trying to set aside 20 minutes every morning to read one day of the One Year Bible and a very short devotional. I’m trying not to categorize this time as a “quiet time” or “Bible study,” but instead see it as simply as spending time with Jesus. Sitting at His feet. Laying my tired head on His chest. Asking for His help and gathering my manna for the day. Yes, it sometimes means hiding in another room while my children scream from their rooms (they have plenty of toys to keep them busy), but even in the noise, God seems to be whispering loud enough for me to hear.

I still struggle with allowing myself lower expectations during this season, but God reminds me that if I just get off that porch and walk a few steps, He will meet me.

2. Wash the Feet

Honestly, there are some aspects of motherhood that I kind of abhor. What makes up my list of detestable chores? Sweeping the floor after EVERY blessed meal, changing poopy diapers, rinsing out cloth diapers (ugh, but worth it?), getting kids into bed when you’re dead tired yourself, cooking food that most likely won’t get eaten and dealing with Laundry Mountain.

But as I sought God this week, I read the story of Jesus washing His disciples’ disgusting feet and then telling everyone to follow suit (John 13). And certain aspects of my life as a mother to little ones became blindingly illuminated—and surprisingly elevated.

Do I see these mundane tasks as service to my King? Would I grumble as much if it were Jesus Himself asking me to do them? (As He is, in fact, doing.)

Somehow viewing these jobs as service to Jesus brings me more joy than thinking about doing them simply for my children. We don’t have the practice of foot washing as a norm in our culture, so perhaps if Jesus spoke to us today, He would instead be commanding us to change diapers, pick up paper towels off the church bathroom floor or make that toy truck “talk” for the one hundredth time today. What does “foot washing” look like for you?

3. Serve the Least of These

Another story that has hit me hard recently is when Jesus tells the disciples that when they treat what most people would consider to be “the least of these” with love, respect and compassion, they are serving Christ Himself. This story usually conjures images of soup kitchens, homeless shelters and slums, but this week as I thought about “the least of these” in my life, what came to mind were my two darling, frustrating little tow heads.

Don’t judge, but my oldest child is not potty trained and cannot dress himself. He and my daughter are completely dependent on my husband and me to meet their every need. Weak, helpless and vulnerable, our children are “the least of these.” 
 
So as I think of them in this way, how does that change the way I go about caring for them on a daily basis? Do I see Jesus in their tiny hands, chubby knees and wispy hair? As I get up for the third time in the night to get my son his water or straighten out his blankets? Because Jesus says that as I serve the least of these, I am, in fact, serving Him (Mat. 25:40).

~~~

I miss hour-long quiet times in the stillness of dawn, my dirtiest tasks being to clean the bathroom whenever I felt like it and the days of serving others on my own terms. But that is not motherhood (nor is it being a Jesus-follower). So for now, I’m thankful that Jesus blesses my small efforts at holiness and for the reminders of His presence in the faces of the little people I am privileged to serve. Because as I serve them, I am serving Jesus Himself. 

~~~~~~

What does “foot washing” look like to you?  

What is helping you find Jesus in the fog of motherhood right now?

~~~~~~ 

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Related Posts:
For the Mom Whose Life Feels Small

Motherhood and the Big Picture

Last Post:  Is There Such a Thing as Being Too Vulnerable? {Thursday Thoughts for Writers} 

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Linking up with Grace & Truth

In the past few weeks, one new habit and two new ideas have brought a bit of clarity and hope to my life as a mother in this season with little ones when it can be hard to remember who you are, much less find Jesus in the fog.
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Is There Such a Thing as Being Too Vulnerable? {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}

Is There Such a Thing as Being Too Vulnerable? {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}

I felt as if I were standing naked on stage, but with my eyes squeezed shut.

Did I really just hit “publish?“ I asked myself.

This level of vulnerability is applauded in the writing world and is usually strangely liberating for me.  But there have been a few times over the past six months of writing consistently that I wondered if my secret was meant to stay that way for a little longer–secret.

This week I ran across an article that gave me permission to guard my heart again.  Rebecca Reynolds, in her article “Why It’s Kind of Okay if Nobody Reads Your Blog,” writes, 

“…we can feel like we always need to know the beautiful narrative running through our present disasters. This is something that can take years to figure out, but as bloggers, we need to know it right now, today, and be able to communicate it to others...We can feel pressure to tidy up our story too fast. We try to tuck all the loose ends in and sand off all the raw edges. But if we define what’s happening too soon, we might miss what’s going on that is more important that we haven’t even considered yet. Like touching a moth while it’s coming out of a cocoon, we can distort what’s really needing to happen in a time of transition.” 

In December, I wrote about Mary pondering in her heart and keeping secrets with God.  It‘s time that I apply this not only to my daily life, but to my writing life as well.  In that post, I said, “I aspire to be more like Mary.  To absorb more and pontificate less.  To meditate rather than act thoughtlessly.  To be a contemplative in a world that demands action.”  

Perhaps if I extended my pauses, I could ward off the impulse to hit “publish” before the time is right.

This morning as I chopped onions and rosemary for our crock pot dinner, it hit me that this slow-cooking food is just like the narratives God is speaking to my heart.  What would it taste like if we decided we wanted to eat it after 3 hours of cooking instead of 8 hours like the recipe called for?  If we allow our stories the time they need to simmer instead of serving them before they‘re ready, then we’re more likely to offer a fragrant meal of wholeness.  

And maybe–just maybe–God did not intend for every thought and reflection to become a blog post or article.  Perhaps He wants to have an intimate moment with me that is not shared with the masses, but is whispered to my ear and intended for my heart alone.  

I’m praying for wisdom to know when my words are ripe for the sharing.  And I’m asking for faith to believe that they are valuable even if they are never read by anyone, because through them, I have shared a secret with God.

~~~~~~


How do you know when it’s time to write about something and when you need to let it simmer a bit longer before sharing it with the world? 

How much of what you have written have you never shared with anyone?

 ~~~~~~ 

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Previous Post: The Hub’s & My Monthly Mentionables {March} 

Next Post: 3 Things Helping Me Right Now as a Mother

On Thursdays this year, I’ll share thoughts, tips and inspiration for writers.  I’m certainly not an expert, but am simply seeking personal encouragement in this art and want to share with anyone who’s also trying to find their way as a writer.  These short posts will come from books, articles, the Bible, my own thoughts, and other people.  Subscribe in the upper right corner so that you don’t miss a post.  If you’re new to the series, find all the posts here.  Come meet me in the comments–I’d love to read your thoughts on writing.


Happy writing!

Leslie 

Is There Such a Thing as Being Too Vulnerable? {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}


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The Hub’s & My Monthly Mentionables {March}

The Hub's & My Monthly Mentionables {March} ~ Here's a compilation of what we've been up to media-wise. This month actually marks the first time in my life that I said, "So I heard on this podcast..." Not sure if that makes me nerdier, or more cool...




I invited my smart, talented and geeky-in-a-cool-way hubby, Adam, to join me this month and add some variety since we have pretty different taste when it comes to books and podcasts.  

 Last month I was beginning to wrestle with my smartphone addiction and this month I took a few steps to try and get that under control, while still enjoying some of the benefits.  But in the months to come, I’ll be sharing more about ways I’m hoping to live differently as it comes to clothing, money, relationships, technology & possessions; so sign up for emails to be sure you don’t miss the exploration! 

Here’s a compilation of what we’ve been up to media-wise.  This month actually marks the first time in my life that I said, “So I heard on this podcast…”  Not sure if that makes me nerdier, or more cool…    

Books:
Leslie~
Out of Sorts: Making Peace with an Evolving Faith, by Sarah Bessey
I’ve had this book on my list since I started stalking the archives of Sarah’s blog.  Sarah invites her readers into her journey as she sorts out what to keep and what to dispose of when it comes to church and her spiritual beliefs (spoiler: there’s not much that she throws out that had a right to be there to begin with).  But if there’s a single melody to her tune, it‘s her love song to Jesus throughout the entire book.  If you need to fall in love with Jesus again, then Out of Sorts is the book for you.

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, by Marie Kondo
You can read my review of this book here, but in a nutshell, it motivated me to declutter, but wasn’t very practical if you have small children.

Adam~
Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind, by Yuval Noah Harari
An amazing overview of the entirety of human history, from anthropology to politics to religion, a fascinating read.

A Tale For the Time Being, by Ruth Ozeki
Japanese and American culture, writing, and quantum physics, what more could you want? Great characters and an engrossing story, one of my favorite books of the year so far.

Kiku’s Prayer, by Shusako Endo
A recent translation into English from the writer of Silence and Deep River, this is a great book, but more for big fans of Endo’s work.

Podcasts:
Leslie~
Sorta Awesome
Still working my way through the back episodes of this podcast. I feel like these ladies are becoming my friends and they have some really fabulous and relatable guests on the show.

Shalom in the City
Listened to all three episodes so far and loved them all! Osheta interviews women doing extraordinary things with their lives.

The Minimalists
The first episode wasn’t my favorite, but the one on technology was very helpful. 

Adam~
Reveal
“Pumped on Trump” episode – a great look into Trump’s popularity and the people that support him (because I wondered who actually did…).

This American Life
Something Only I Can See episode, a truly amazing story about two women who may or may not share a rare genetic disorder. Also in article form (with pictures!).

Radio Lab
Birth Story episode – absolutely crazy story about surrogate mothers, cross-border adoption, and international absurdities.

Reply All
Milk Wanted episode – the free market (a.k.a. free-for-all) of online breast milk.

Surprisingly Awesome
Broccoli episode – did you know that broccoli, kale, cauliflower, brussels sprouts, among others, are all actually the same plant? This episode will blow your mind, like, gray matter will literally leak out your ears.

Recipes:
(All made by Leslie, though enjoyed by Adam. We have a great gig, actually, I get to cook and he does the dishes!)
 
Spinach Pasta with Roasted Broccoli and Bell Pepper (Cookie + Kate)
This was probably my least favorite new recipe this month, though I made at least two of Cookie + Kate’s other recipes that I’ve shared in previous posts. This one just seemed a little like something I could have just thrown together myself (which means that it wasn’t very exciting). Not my fave.

Sunday Frittata (The Pioneer Woman)
I’ve actually made this before, but I think I made it twice this month, so it seemed worth mentioning. I skipped the olives since that seemed like a strange addition (even though I love olives), but pretty much followed the recipe. The only other change was that I cooked the potatoes with the onions since I didn’t have any pre-cooked potatoes. Yum.

Skinny Spinach Lasagna (Pinch of Yum)
I guess I need to try a new lasagna recipe each month. Although I’m usually snobby about not using processed food, I went with the jarred spaghetti sauce in this one and the ease made it that much tastier (and more likely that I will make it again). Very good.

Slow Cooker Corned Beef and Cabbage (All Recipes)
Of course I had to make this, along with a friend’s Irish Soda Bread recipe, for St. Patrick’s Day (though it was mainly because I was having people over and it seemed like a good excuse for a feast!). I would definitely recommend this and the broth with extra veggies was great even after the meat was long gone. I’d make again for sure.

St. Patrick’s Chocolate Mint Cheesecake Bars (All Recipes)
Again, though I was skeptical of using so many prepackaged items (cake mix and frosting, mainly), this was ah-ma-zing. And so worth cutting corners. I couldn’t find mint chips, so I just cut up Andes mints instead and of course they tasted better than fine.  

 Fascinating Articles (according to Leslie):

America’s Best Food Blogs
(A great list of blogs if you’re looking for motivation in the kitchen!)

Because We’re Too Lazy to Write an Actual Book, by Elizabeth and Jonathan Trotter
(A great list of resources from a husband and wife team of writers/bloggers relating to Christian marriage and missions.) 

How White Privilege Affects 8 People of Color on a Day-to-Day Basis, by Paige Tutt for Bustle

Most Emergencies Aren’t, by Joshua Fields Millburn for The Minimalists Blog  
(For tips on reining in the smartphone addiction.)

We’re Not Meant to do this alone: American Individualism is Destroying our Families, by Tarja Parssinen for Salon

When You’re Accustomed to Privilege, Equality Feels Like Oppression, by Chris Boeskool for Huffington Post  

Why Jesus’ Skin Color Matters, by Christena Cleveland for Christianity Today

Why I Ditched Social Media for Lent, by Cara Meredith for SheLoves Magazine
 
8 Truths Moms with Little Ones Really Need to Hear, by Melissa L. Fenton for Scary Mommy

New-to-me (Leslie) Blogs:
Esther Emery
I stumbled on this blog and have loved the transparency of Esther’s writing, but also hearing about their fascinating life living in a yurt in Idaho. I especially resonated with the posts listed here. They also do a Youtube channel about homesteading, homestead survival, off–grid solutions and permaculture (I’m honestly not even sure what that is…to google I go…)

 Flower Patch Farmgirl
I came across this blog twice this month, so it must have been meant to be. The first time was as a resource about transracial adoption from my friend, Rachel, who I interviewed for this post. Just a day or two later, I heard the blogger, Shannan Martin, interviewed on episode 3 for the podcast Shalom in the City and just had to check out more of her work.

Life Considered/Judy Wu Dominick
Judy has some really great content on her site relating to helping Christians better engage across racial, cultural, religious and socioeconomic lines. The article that caught my attention was this one, called How Talking to Your Kids about Race Helps Fulfill the Great Commission.

From Scraping Raisins:
In case you missed it…

The Ugly Truth about Diversity
“Diversity is what I miss most about living in Chicago.
But though we were exposed to the world’s flavors, colors, textures and sounds, I often felt like an imposter. Was I actually friends with anyone who looked different from me or spoke a different language from me? Had they been to my home or had I been to theirs?

Do we wear diversity as a badge, patting ourselves on the back for being racially diverse without actually entering into any relationships with people of other races and cultures?” Continue reading…

On Race, Rights & Raising a Black Son: An Interview with Rachel Yantis
“I suppose at a base level, many fears are the same as they would be if my son were white. I want him to be a godly man filled with character and living out the gifts God has given him – whatever those end up to be. But, I think about safety. I think about mistaken identity. I think about stop-and-frisk. I think about the white umbrella and wonder how long he will be underneath it with us.” Continue reading… 

Friendship through the Layers
“I have layers. You have layers. Our layers usually lie dormant and unseen, though our oldest friends know the former versions of ourselves.

So as each year wraps yet another layer over my past experiences, I’ve found myself wondering how new friends will ever know the true me without knowing all that lies beneath the surface.” Continue reading…
 

SAHMs and the Need to Create
“I’ve begun to notice a trend. Stay-at-home-moms are creating. In the void left by careers and education, we are given the gift of expanding into our potential as creators. From sheer observation alone, this is the time of life that stay-at-home parents are most likely to begin an Etsy shop, start a non-profit or business, write a blog, explore a new art form or become serious about a hobby. I used to belittle women who would spend hours on Pinterest for their children’s parties when a friend said to me, “Hey, we need to get our creativity out in some way!”  Continue reading…


These posts are for a series I’m doing on Thursdays this year for anyone sorting through what it means to be a writer (and specifically a writer who follows Jesus).  You’re invited to join me on my journey!
 
Taming Spaghetti Brain
3 Myths of Perfectionism
The Well is Deep
When’s the Last Time You Did Something Terrifying?

~~~~~~


What about you?  Do you have any books, podcasts, articles or blogs to recommend? We’d love to hear them!  Have you come across any of the same media as us?  What was your take?  

Don’t miss a post!  Subscribe for emails and follow me on Twitter and Facebook

Last post: Taming Spaghetti Brain 

Linking up with Leigh Kramer and Emily P. Freeman
 

Here's a compilation of what we've been up to media-wise. This month actually marks the first time in my life that I said, "So I heard on this podcast..." Not sure if that makes me nerdier, or more cool...
Posted on

Taming Spaghetti Brain {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}

Taming Spaghetti Brain {Thursday Thoughts for Writers} ~ Now that I've been writing more regularly, I find that not only am I thinking about menus, relationships, the to-do list and the general stuff of life, but now I have to contend with Writer's Brain trying to infiltrate every single corner of my life as well. And I haven't figured out where the "off" switch is yet.

You may have heard it said before that men’s brains are like waffles and women’s are like a plate of spaghetti.  Stereotypically, men are better at compartmentalizing home and work life, while women’s brains are following one stringy noodle down a path just long enough to touch another, then another all day long.  Our thoughts are everywhere at once.

Writer’s Brain
Now that I’ve been writing more regularly, I find that not only am I thinking about menus, relationships, the to-do list and the general stuff of life, but now I have to contend with Writer’s Brain trying to infiltrate every single corner of my life as well.  And I haven’t figured out where the “off” switch is yet.

I wish I had that waffle brain so I could put my life in neat boxes and concentrate on just one thing for a while.

Smartphones
One item that certainly hasn’t helped is my lovely, sometimes overly-eager-to-be-helpful companion and side-kick, my smartphone (SP).  If I had any hope of compartmentalization in my day, my SP reminds me about some other aspect of life that my brain had forgotten about momentarily.  While I’ve tried to turn off notifications, they still sneak by, alerting me the second I receive an email or a friend tags me in a photo from high school.  

And as a blogger, the thing is constantly communicating one of two messages to me.  Either “people love your work–you’re a success!” or “you’re such a failure, no one even commented or ‘liked’ that post you spent three hours preparing.”  Thanks a lot, SP.

Thinking in Boxes
So in the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to take what my college culture classes would have called a very “western approach” to my time, and think of it literally in terms of boxes, where unwanted thoughts and devices are forbidden to enter.  

Mornings are chaotic, so that’s more of a “free space” box where anything goes, but around 9 am to 11 am, I’ve sketched “kids” into the imaginary box and the goal is to be with them like it’s my job (oh wait, it IS my job…).  This can also include all those domestic duties I ho hum about, but the goal is to turn off Writer’s Brain and my SP and just focus on my children, friends we may meet up with and my home.  I’ve been trying to literally shut down the computer and put my phone on power saving mode so that all I can do is use it to text and make calls.

Lunch time is another “free space,” but then the kids’ nap time can be filled with any of these: write, do bloggy social media stuff, sleep, read or a mix of those.  Then 3:30 to 5 pm is shaded in as a “kid” time again.

In my spoiled life, my husband who records in our basement “comes home” at 5 pm and that time is shaded the color of daddy playtime, while mommy listens to podcasts/music and experiences food prep therapy in the kitchen time.

Dinner and bedtime falls into kid structured routine time (therefore already very waffle brain-esqe) and then evenings are all more free spaces for my husband and I to fill in with our activity of choice.

The Effect on Writing
As I’ve started this discipline of attempting to focus on one person, event or task at a time instead of just trying to be better at multi-tasking, I’ve noticed that there is a greater likelihood that more seeds have been added to the writer’s storage room, ready to be taken out and sown on the page during designated “writing box times.”  

There have been moments of simply sitting on my couch with a cup of tea watching my children play, reading books to my son in the backyard or completing a single task of cleaning an entire bathroom instead of leaving the floor for “later.”  And I’ve been surprised to find that those are the moments that have given me enough breath to write with life again.   


I’m slowly learning the wisdom of poet Luci Shaw as she said, “Whether we are poets or parents or teachers or artists or gardeners, we must start where we are and use what we have. In the process of creation and relationship, what seems mundane and trivial may show itself to be a holy, precious part of a pattern.”
 
As we shave off the excess, we are left with the essence.  How have you found ways to compartmentalize in such a way as to give more of yourself to each task or person without so many distractions?  How does this affect your writing?

Have you put any rules relating to technology in place for yourself that have helped to keep you grounded in reality?

~~~~~~

Last Post: KonMari Krazy {The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up}

Next Post: The Hub’s & My Monthly Mentionables {March}

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Linking up with Grace & Truth and A Proverbs 31 Wife 
 

Taming Spaghetti Brain {Thursday Thoughts for Writers} ~ Now that I've been writing more regularly, I find that not only am I thinking about menus, relationships, the to-do list and the general stuff of life, but now I have to contend with Writer's Brain trying to infiltrate every single corner of my life as well. And I haven't figured out where the "off" switch is yet.

On Thursdays this year, I’ll share thoughts, tips and inspiration for writers.  I’m certainly not an expert, but am simply seeking personal encouragement in this art and want to share with anyone who’s also trying to find their way as a writer.  These short posts will come from books, articles, the Bible, my own thoughts, and other people.  Subscribe in the upper right corner so that you don’t miss a post.  If you’re new to the series, find all the posts here.  Come meet me in the comments–I’d love to read your thoughts on writing.


Happy writing!

Leslie 

Now that I've been writing more regularly, I find that not only am I thinking about menus, relationships, the to-do list and the general stuff of life, but now I have to contend with Writer's Brain trying to infiltrate every single corner of my life as well. And I haven't figured out where the "off" switch is yet.
Posted on

KonMari Krazy {The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up}

KonMari Krazy {The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up}~ "Now," I said, "we have to hold every item and ask ourselves, 'Does it spark joy?' And if it does, then we keep it. If not, it goes."


Oh, I had high hopes for this book, and the title promises that your life will be transformed by a few simple steps as you first declutter your home, then put every object in its rightful place.

I believe most people in America, myself included, live excessively.  This is probably one of the reasons that this book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying-Up, along with many other books, articles and podcasts on minimalism have become so popular.  We at least recognize the need to change and to reduce the materialism in our lives.  Amen to that.

This book certainly offers solutions for that kind of change.  I’m just not sure how practical the solutions actually are.

~~~

KonMari Krazy {The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up}~ "Now," I said, "we have to hold every item and ask ourselves, 'Does it spark joy?' And if it does, then we keep it. If not, it goes."


Immediately after reading the book, I of course convinced my husband to spend our Saturday kids’ nap time sorting through all of our clothes.  “She said we have to sort by category, not by room,” I told my husband.  “First clothes, then books, then miscellaneous items, then sentimental stuff.  But we have to start with clothes and we have to spread them out on the floor.” 

He looked less than thrilled.  So in line with the KonMari method, I started by pulling out every stitch of clothing that I own and spreading it on the floor in our bedroom.  I tried not to nag too much as I noticed my husband placing a few items in neat stacks on the bed, leaving the rest to eyeball in his drawers.

“Now,” I said, “we have to hold every item and ask ourselves, ‘Does it spark joy?’  And if it does, then we keep it.  If not, it goes.” 

“That’s what she says to do!” I said, as I caught a slight eye roll. 

We skipped the advice on folding a certain way and stacking clothes in drawers vertically so you could see all of the items at once (mainly because I already wrestle my sheets into submission rather than fold them and don’t iron clothing, so why would I create more stress for myself?)

We managed to round up three garbage bags full of clothes that didn’t “spark joy” just as the kids woke up from their naps.

~~~

This all took us about two hours and did not include going through all of the children’s clothes in drawers, bins and closets throughout the house.  According to the KonMari Method, all the sorting of every category is to be done all at once so you can enjoy the feeling of accomplishment and (ahem) never go back to your untidy ways again.  

If you are a parent, then by now you’re protesting loudly in your head (or audibly as I did while reading the book), “Um, what are you supposed to do with your kids as you: 1. spread everything out on the floor, 2. fondle each item, reflecting on the joy it brings you, 3. move on to the next category, 4. repeat, and then 5. actually put everything in a reasonable location so you will never have to tidy again (her promise)?

This book needs a sequel with modifications for those of us with children who rage against tidiness.

~~~

The author is Japanese, so there are definite signs of her culture and religion coming through her writing (which I find fascinating) as she treats her possessions like people, thanking them for supporting her throughout her day.  She greets her house as she comes in the door and unloads her purse every.single.day. so that it can have a rest for the night from doing its work (naturally). Throughout the book, she reiterates that being surrounded by things that spark joy is what makes people happy.

I agree that many of our problems are tied to our possessions, but I don’t believe that our joy should come from them.

The best part of reading this book for me was the constant permission and encouragement to purge–even if there’s still a very remote possibility you might read or wear an item in the future.  Sometimes you just need someone looking over your shoulder, saying, “Yes, you should give that away.  Just do it!”  Marie Kondo is that voice of tough love.  So while I can honestly say that while my possessions may not all “spark joy” within me, through reading this, I am inspired to declutter and take control of my environment rather than allow my possessions to control me.  And that is something to spark some joy.

~~~~~~

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KonMari Krazy {The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up}~ "Now," I said, "we have to hold every item and ask ourselves, 'Does it spark joy?' And if it does, then we keep it. If not, it goes."

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