Monthly Mentionables {July}

What a month. 

Doesn’t it feel a bit like fear is steering the ship? 

If you’ve forced your eyes, ears and heart open like I have in spite of longing to turn off the news, jump back in bed and binge on T.V., then you may be feeling like fear is delivering us straight into the darkness. 

But an image has helped me not to be overcome by hopelessness. Sitting on our back porch in the early hours of the morning recently, I re-read the familiar words of Psalm 139 about God searching me and knowing me, knowing when I sit and rise, etc.  But seemingly new words reached out from the page, grabbing my chin and speaking straight to my doubting face as David cried out to God:  

“Where shall I go from your Spirit?
    Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
    and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
    and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
    and the light about me be night,”
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
    the night is bright as the day,
    for darkness is as light with you.”

And it hit me: God sees in the dark.  

He does not stumble blindly, knock into the coffee table or stub his toe 

God has night vision. 

In fact, darkness is not even dark to Him, but is as bright as the day. We are never alone in the darkness.  Although we cannot see the way ahead, Someone is walking with us who can.

God has used some of the following books, podcasts and articles this month to encourage, challenge and grow me.  Many of them have been twinkling lights in the darkness.  I hope you find the time to click on some of the links and I’d love to read some of your recommendations in the comments section!
  


Books:


Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faithby Anne Lamott

This was my first Anne Lamott book that I picked up at our local Little Free Library.  Irreverent and honest, Anne invites her readers on a refreshing faith journey that does not hide the bumps and bruises she receives along the way.  Having attended churches full of squeaky clean Christians most of my life (and having been one myself), I appreciated having a peek behind the curtain at how Jesus meets with other sisters and brothers before they get all cleaned up (and even when they don’t). 
Brennan Manning does it again and manages to combine extensive research, deep spiritual truths, an incredible vocabulary and jarring images to present a message of grace lived out by a life of tested faith.  I loved the chapter titled “Artists, Mystics and Clowns” because of my husband’s background in acting and my love of writing, but thoroughly enjoyed the entire book as I absorbed short passages with coffee in the wee hours of the morning this month.





Podcasts:

A Mom’s Mission Field
This podcast was new to me this month.  The host, Tiffany Castleberry, brings on guests who do not believe that being a mom and following God’s call on your life are mutually exclusive.  I especially enjoyed the following episodes:

Flower Patch Farm Girl Blooms in the City: Shannan Martin 
I loved this interview with Shannan Martin and am looking forward to her new book coming out this fall called Falling Free: Rescued from the Life I Always Wanted.  She’ll also have an essay in this book full of other amazing writers called Soul Bare: Stories of Redemption by Emily P. Freeman, Sarah Bessey, Trillia Newbell and more, edited by Cara Sexton.

A Sweaty Conversation about Racial Reconciliation: Retha Nichole and Emily Thomas
Such a great conversation between two white women and an African American woman about race relations following the shootings earlier this month.

Following Your God Dreams while Raising a Family: Tricia Goyer
This was the first episode I listened to of this podcast and I loved the way the women talked about following God’s calling on your life in the midst of raising a family. 


Code Switch: Race and Identity, remixed
Extra: No Words (reflecting on the shootings of Philando Castile, Alton Sterling and the 5 policeman in Dallas)


Pass the Mic
I discovered this podcast the day after I published this popular post on race resources for white people and I really wish I had included it in the list! What I appreciate about this podcast is that not only are the hosts completely candid about discussing race in our country, they also come at it from the perspective of how a Jesus follower should learn and move forward when it comes to race issues in our country. Here were a few episodes that were especially helpful in filling in blanks for me:


Defining White Privilege

Defining Systemic Racism

Roundtable: How to Be a White Ally

Real Hurt, Real Hope: Racial Tension and Perseverance (reflecting on the shootings of Philando Castile, Alton Sterling and the 5 policeman in Dallas)


Shalom in the City with Osheta Moore
#14 Seeking Shalom for the Immigrant
Loved this interview with a woman married to a man from Guatemala and her experience working in immigration in America.

#16 Everyday Practices of Peace for the Homeless
If you’ve ever interacted with homeless people or are have questions about how we should think about homelessness in America, this interview with a woman who has worked in homeless ministries and public health for 20 years is a great source of further education in this area.


Village Church Sermons
Justice and Racial Reconciliation (from the week of the shootings of Philando Castile, Alton Sterling and the 5 policeman in Dallas)
This panel discussion was healing balm to my soul after that rough week.  I’m thankful for Jesus followers who are not afraid to have the hard conversations.


What Should I Read Next? with Anne Bogel
#31 Lifetime Favorite Books and reading for a living with Adam Verner
Everyone should listen to this episode featuring my hubby, audio book narrator, Adam Verner!  I’ve listened to Anne’s podcast since January and it dawned on me that my husband would be the PERFECT guest since he’s an audio book narrator and devours books even when he’s not working. He had a great conversation with Anne that I know you’ll love (though I’m slightly biased);-).


(No New Recipes This Month…did I mention that I’m 8 months pregnant…?)


Thought-Provoking Articles from the Web:

A Letter to My Son, (an African American man’s letter to his son), by Rev. Otis Moss III for Huffington Post

A Week from Hell, by Charles M. Blow for The NY Times

Delayed Kindergarten Enrollment Dramatically Reduces ADHD in Children, Study Shows for The Inquisitr  

Lacrae: Humility is the Key to Understanding Race Relations: Guest Essay, by Lecrae for Billboard 

[Love Looks Like] Choices, by Sarah Bessey

Misogyny in Missions, by Jonathan Trotter for A Life Overseas

My Husband Isn’t Called to Ministry, by Cara Meredith for Christianity Today

The Truth of Loneliness, by Liz Ditty for The Mudroom 

Verge Network 7 Part Series on Racial Justice

White Fragility: Why Its So Hard to Talk to White People about Racism, by Dr. Robin Diangelo for The Good Men Project

The 5 Truths Stay-at-Home and Working Moms Can Agree on, by Katelyn Beaty for Her.Menutics

10 Ways to Live Well, by Amy Young for SheLoves Magazine
 
38 Resources to Help Your Church Start Discussing Race Today by Missio Alliance 


Just for fun (language alert!)  

God Makes Animals (these are the types of things my husband finds on the Internet)



New (to me) Websites and Blogs:

Good Black News
This site is pretty self-explanatory and shares wonderful things that are happening in the African American community.  For example, this article mentioning that some black women will be acting in the movie adaptation of one of my favorite books, A Wrinkle in Time.

Reformed African American American Network
Along with offering the podcast, Pass the Mic, that I mentioned above, this site is a treasure trove of resources on race relations in America.

White Allies in Training
This site offers a ton of resources for white people looking for more information about racism and how they can be involved in being a bridge towards reconciliation in America.

A Life with Subtitles (blog for Sarah Quezada)
I heard about Sarah on this podcast about marrying an immigrant and working in immigration and ran straight over to her blog. This is a great blog for anyone working, living or loving in a cross-cultural setting. 

D.L. Mayfield (personal blog)
I am currently reading her book, Assimilate or Go Home: Notes from a Failed Missionary on Rediscovering Faith (due to be released in August), and really enjoying it!  More on that later;-)  I absolutely love her wry and honest writing style and can really relate to so much of what she writes about as she worked for years with refugees in America.


In Case You Missed it on Scraping Raisins:

70+ Race Resources for White People 
It’s time.  

Maybe you read a news article on your Facebook feed or listened to a podcast and feel it’s time for you to finally DO something about the injustices in our nation.  

Perhaps it is time for that.   

But our African American sisters and brothers have asked that before we speak, we be sure that we have done something else first: educate ourselves...” continue reading    




I once was (color) blind, but now…
As white people, we brag that we are “colorblind” and congratulate ourselves for being inclusive and tolerant. Because we don’t actively hate, abuse or reject those of another color personally, we would never call ourselves “racists.” We say we see everyone as the same and silently assume that everyone, deep down, is like us.


But as we boast that we are colorblind, what we are blind to is that color really does matter. People are treated certain ways simply because of the color of their skin.

My journey toward sight began as all breakdowns of prejudice inevitably must: through a relationship…” continue reading




A Muslim in Our Home
Perhaps the only difference between our Fourth and yours was that we spent ours with a devout Muslim who is currently living in our home, a close friend whom our children call “Auntie Boo.”  She lived with us for a year in Chicago and is now staying with us for a month after recently finishing her studies in Denver.  We invited her to celebrate the 4th of July at my parent’s house a few hours away in the middle of the Rocky Mountains…”  continue reading…   

 
~~~

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Next Post: When You Can’t Quit Your Job

Previous Post: “Open a Vein” {Thursday Thoughts for Writers} 

Linking up with Leigh Kramer: What I’m Into 
 
Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you click on a book and buy it through Amazon, you will not be charged extra, but I will receive a very tiny commission.

 

“Open a Vein” {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}


We spent Saturday afternoon as a family at our local thrift store and ended up with all the randomness that you do when you troll through other people’s junk: a fish tank, a hot pink baby tub (we’re having a boy), $5 name brand flip flops, a pocket Thesaurus, The Tipping Point and a gem–Listening to Your Life: Daily Meditations with Frederick Buechner.  He was recently recommended to my husband after being interviewed on the podcast What Should I Read Next? with Anne Bogel, so we were excited to find one of his books on the cheap. 

The reading for July 24 was like a signpost to me; one of those moments where you feel God’s fatherly hand patting you on the back saying, “Yes, daughter, you’re on the right path.  Keep walking this way.  I’m right here with you.”

Last week I wrote about writers having the propensity to bleed on the page, having never read any of the following.  For the meditation on July 24, Buechner says:

“…What Red Smith said was more or less this: ‘Writing is really quite simple; all you have to do is sit down at your typewriter and open a vein’–another haematological image.  From the writer’s vein into the reader’s vein: for better or worse a transfusion.  I couldn’t agree with Red Smith more.  For my money anyway, the only books worth reading are books written in blood…Write about what you really care about is what he is saying.  Write about what truly matters to you–not just things to catch the eye of the world but things to touch the quick of the world the way they have touched you to the quick, which is why you are writing about them.  Write not just with wit and eloquence and style and relevance but with passion.  Then the things that your books make happen will be things worth happening–things that make the people who read them a little more passionate themselves for their pains, by which I mean a little more alive, a little wiser, a little more beautiful, a little more open and understanding, in short a little more human” (p. 190).

As a writer, it is tempting to write “things to catch the eye of the world.”  Some call it “writing for your audience.” But as I delve into this art, I’m finding that it is the words that cost us the most that are of the most value to others.  I’m learning, like Buechner says, to “open a vein.”

~~~

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Previous Post: Fight Injustice (offer what you have)

Next Post: Monthly Mentionables {July}

~~~

On (most) Thursdays this year, I’ll share thoughts, tips and inspiration for writers.  I’m not an expert, but hope to seek personal encouragement in this art and want to share with anyone who’s also trying to find their way as a writer.  These short posts will come from books, articles, the Bible, my own thoughts, and other people.  If you’re new to the series, check out the posts you missed here. Please introduce yourself in the comments–I’d love to meet you and hear your thoughts on writing.

Happy writing!
Leslie

 

Fight Injustice (offer what you have) {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}

"You have no idea how or when God is going to use the offering of your words."

I used to want to be a world-changer, but now I am a diaper-changer.  I used to travel to far-off lands and now I cringe when I think of taking my children to the grocery store.  I used to be a professional teacher and now I strap shoes on little feet, wipe yogurt off walls and lamely answer the question “Why don’t you know?” about a hundred times a day.  I used to live in another culture and speak another language and now I live, shop and worship in Homogeneous Land of All Same.  

I used to write in a journal with a metal lock, but now I write on the internet for strangers to rifle through my thoughts as if they are sifting through my bedroom closet. 

Lately, as the world seems to be clattering down around us (and I need to propel my 8-month-pregnant body to make dinner for our family of four with no groceries in the house), I literally want to curl up on the couch, pull our plush throw blanket over my head, close my eyes and disappear.  I tried it yesterday, actually, and we eventually ended up sharing three grilled cheese sandwiches and eggs for dinner.

So when I start reading about not being silent in the face of injustice, speaking out, and standing up, it makes me feel…tired.  It reminds me of those over-worked disciples warily looking over the fields of thousands of people and saying to Jesus, “It’s late. Should we send them away for dinner?” And gentle, irrational Jesus calmly saying to them, “No, dears. YOU give them something to eat.”  They managed to scrounge up a meal for thousands from one little boy‘s contribution of five loaves of bread and two fish.  Jesus made much of their little.

I’ve written about it several times already, but I was recently moved by Lisha Epperson’s piece called “One Small Square” because she broke down our responsibility to confront injustice into an attainable goal that I would summarize like this: do what you can, where you are, with what you have.  We offer our meager loaves and fish. 

Fight Injustice (offer what you have)  {Thursday Thoughts for Writers}

The average person doesn’t write on the Internet other than the occasional Facebook outburst, but those of us with writing blood must spill it online for all to see.  And whether we have 25 readers a day or 25,000, whether we write books and publish for big-name magazines, or write for free, we have a platform to launch our voice that others do not have.  And because of that, we have a responsibility to stand up and speak out–no matter how tired, weary or befuddled we are.   

For the past six months Ive been digging into the race issues in America.  Many days Ive driven through the mountains of Colorado after my kids have fallen asleep in the car, listening to podcasts on racial injustice and weeping.  As a white stay-at-home mom living in a nearly all-white area of America, it seems ironic that God would break my heart at a time when I don’t even interact with people of color.  And yet less than a year ago, one thing led to another and I started this little blog, opened a Twitter account and started a business Facebook page.

So when I read about Alton Sterling and Philando Castile and saw that other white people like me were beginning to see and wanting to get on board with our African American sisters and brothers, I published my simple offering–what I’ve been learningIn less than two weeks, that post has been visited nearly 60,000 times and 170 books on racial issues have been purchased on Amazon. God has multiplied my offering and used my bread and fish to feed hungry people. 

I’m not writing this to brag, but to encourage you.  You have no idea how or when God is going to use the offering of your words.  Like me, you might have a little blog with just a few readers.  But let your voice ring out into what feels like the void.  Offer your loaves and fish to God and to the masses and wait.  Perhaps God will do a miracle with your simple offering.

~~~

Subscribe to Scraping Raisins by email and/or follow me on Twitter and Facebook. I’d love to get to know you better!

Previous Post: ‘The Invention of Wings’ Book Club Discussion Questions 

Linking up with Grace and Truth

On (most) Thursdays this year, I’ll share thoughts, tips and inspiration for writers.  I’m not an expert, but hope to seek personal encouragement in this art and want to share with anyone who’s also trying to find their way as a writer.  These short posts will come from books, articles, the Bible, my own thoughts, and other people.  If you’re new to the series, check out the posts you missed here. Please introduce yourself in the comments–I’d love to meet you and hear your thoughts on writing.

Happy writing!
Leslie

"You have no idea how or when God is going to use the offering of your words."

‘The Invention of Wings’ Book Club Discussion Questions

What happens when you cross a former teacher with a blog? You get some very nerdy academic shenanigans going on like book discussion questions. This was a list of questions I used for our first book club discussion of The Invention of Wings, by Sue Monk Kidd.  I thought it might benefit those of you who may not have the time or desire to channel their inner middle school language arts teacher like I do.

Summary:


'The Invention of Wings' Book Club Discussion QuestionsThe Invention of Wings is written from the perspective of one white woman from a slave-owning family in South Carolina and the African American attendant she was “given” as a girl. The chapters alternate between these points of view and walk us through their lives as the United States begins to awaken to the injustices of slavery. The themes regarding race, women’s rights and the role of history and religion in the formation of our laws are discussions that are still applicable around our living room, at bars and certainly on the Internet today. Packed with imagery and symbolism, this book provided a great discussion for our first book club.  I would certainly recommend that you explore its depths with a friend or two.

 

Questions for discussion: 

(As a leader, just skip around to follow the flow of the discussion.  We probably only talked about half of them, though we spent more time on the questions about specific passages.)

1. Did you like the book overall? What did you like/not like about it?

2. Did anything confuse you? Do you have any questions?

3. What surprised you?

4. Which emotions did the book bring out in you?

5. Sue Monk Kidd used many objects as symbols for various deeper ideas. What do you think these stood for: quilts/the story quilt, the button (97, 277), feathers/birds (228, 236, 303), the bathtub (115), thread, and the tree (84)?

6. What were some of the major themes of the book?

7. Discuss the following characters: Handful, Sarah, Mauma, Angelina, Sarah’s parents, Israel, Denmark, Sky, others? What did you admire, dislike, find surprising or meaningful about them?

8. Discuss some of the following passages (read the paragraphs before and after for context):

a. p. 54 “I didn’t know for sure whether Miss Sarah’s feelings came from love or guilt.”

b. p. 89 “I’d said, ‘I’m sorry, Handful, I know how you must feel.’ It seemed to me I didn’t know what it felt to have one’s liberty curtailed, but she blazed up at me. “So we just the same, me and you? That’s why you the one to shit in the pot and I’m the one to empty it?’”

c. p. 194 “To remain silent in the face of evil is itself a form of evil.”

d. p. 210 “My body might be a slave, but not my mind. For you, it’s the other way round.” (also on p. 200).

e. Down a bit further on p. 210 “How does one know the voice is God’s? I believed the voice bidding me to go north belonged to him, though perhaps what I really heard that day was my own impulse to freedom. Perhaps it was my own voice. Does it matter?”

f. p. 275 “She leaned toward me. ‘Life is arranged against us, Sarah. And it’s brutally worse for Handful and her mother and sister. We’re all yearning for a wedge of sky, aren’t we? I suspect God plants these yearnings in us so we’ll at least try and change the course of things. We must try, that’s all.”

g. p. 288 Sarah’s choice between marriage and vocation. “Wouldn’t I, wouldn’t we be enough for you?’ he said. ‘You would be a wonderful wife and the best of mothers. We would see to it that you never missed your ambition.’”

h. p. 295 “I longed for it in that excruciating way one has of romanticizing the life she didn’t choose. But sitting here now, I knew if I’d accepted Israel’s proposal, I would’ve regretted that, too. I’d chosen the regret I could live with best, that’s all. I’d chosen the life I belonged to.”

9. Were there any other specific parts you’d like to talk about with the group?

10. What did you think about the ending?

11. What did you learn? Did this book change you in any way?

Bonus Questions:

12. Were Sarah and Handful really “friends”? Why or why not?

13. Who was the most “free” in the book?

14. If you created your own story quilt, what are a few of the squares that would be on it?

15. What role did religion play in the book?

16. Did you like the way the book was written from both Handful and Sarah’s perspectives? What did this add to the story?

17. Do you think Sarah should have married Israel?

18. How did the fact that the author of this book is a white woman affect your reading of the book? Do you think an African American woman would have written it differently? If so, how?

19. If you read the author’s note, did you agree with the changes Sue Monk Kidd made in the facts?

20. How is this an appropriate book for our times even though it was written about a time 180 years ago?

~~~

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~~~ 

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you click on a book and buy it through Amazon, you will not be charged extra, but I will receive a very tiny commission.

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Mourning and the Duty to Delight


A collective heaviness is caving in on us.  With terrorism striking even holy Islamic sites, countries advising their citizens not to travel to the U.S. or wear traditional clothing here, many churches and Christian institutions now urging their members to rush out to get concealed carry permits, and people of color afraid to leave their homes lest they be pulled over for a driving infraction only to be shot in cold blood, fear has become an epidemic.
Fear is creeping in, over, through, and around us and its darkness is strangling the light.  Can you feel it?
Civilians cower in a society where we are vulnerable to being gunned down even in shopping malls, movie theaters, night clubs, peaceful protests, church prayer meetings and elementary schools.

Officers who have vowed to protect, defend and secure our safety are murdered, but cringe when they hear of yet another cop that has dragged their once heroic reputation into the mire. 

Politicians bumble along with empty words.

People of color cry out “See! Do you see NOW?  When are you going to get it?”

Some white people are learning to live with new-found sight and are begging for something to DO (which, if we’re honest, feels about as useful as dad putting the proverbial pot of water on to boil while the woman writhes in labor pains).
And the majority of whites still choose to log out of Facebook and news apps or switch off the T.V. to ignore what only makes them feel powerless and guilty, because “What can I, a stay-at-home mom, financial advisor, or construction worker actually do to help anyway?”
We are grasping for an elusive hope, wrestling with despair and choking for fresh air.  We either let anger crush us or we take the easy way out and run away, hide and pretend the suffering doesn’t exist.  I know.  I’m a recovering runaway myself.   
But there is another way.
Gregory Boyle is an American Jesuit priest who has spent the past 25 years working in one of the most gang-riddled areas of the United States.  He has buried more than one hundred gang members over the course of his time in L.A.—often just as they have begun to clean up their lives.   He has had every reason to despair and lose hope.  In fact, it was after being diagnosed with cancer that he finally decided to write a book about his experiences.   Yet his memoir, Tattoos on the Heart, includes an entire chapter not on hopelessness, but on delight. 
He says,
“Dorothy Day loved to quote Ruskin, who urged us all to the ‘Duty to Delight.’ It was an admonition, really, to be watchful for the hilarious and heartwarming, the silly and the sublime.  This way will not pass again, and so there is a duty to be mindful of that which delights and keeps joy at the center, distilled from all that happens to us in a day” (p. 148).
I admit that I’ve judged those on social media that have seemed to go on with their daily lives and continue to post pictures of their kid’s messy first-food faces, family vacations, ridiculous memes and silly quotes during a week when much of America has been in mourning.  And yet perhaps this is their way of coping while so much of the world has been paralyzed by grief and fear.
Last week after watching the video of Philando Castile bleeding to death in his car while his fiance’s four-year old daughter sat in the back of the car and a cop’s shaky gun spoke to the world’s horrified onlookers, I found solace not in taking to the streets protesting, writing inflammatory Facebook messages or canvasing my neighborhood with #Blacklivesmatter pamphlets.   
Instead, I eased my 8-month-pregnant body into a lawn chair in our backyard as my two and four-year-old frolicked around shirtless in the silently drifting cottonwood seeds.  My hand on my belly, my unborn son twisted and turned and I amusedly watched my bump ripple with life.  I lay my head back, closed my eyes, and drank in the musical laughter of my innocent children and allowed the summer Colorado sun to press her hot hand on my face.  And just as a duty is sometimes perfunctorily done, I dutifully gave thanks for that solitary moment.        
Thomas Merton writes, “No despair of ours can alter the reality of things, or stain the joy of the cosmic dance which is always there…”  There is delight to be had.  It is our duty to notice and give thanks for it even when it is the last thing we feel like doing.  It is our duty to delight.
A music director sings this song in dark days,
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at is swelling pride.  There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy dwelling places of the Most High.  God is in the midst of her, we will not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.  The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered; He raised His voice, the earth melted.  The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold.  Selah.”  Psalm 46: 1-7
God is still in our midst.  He is with us.  He is our stronghold.  His streams of gladness cut through our weary land.  Selah.  Pause and rest in that truth.
We have a duty not to run away, bury our heads in the ground or shield ourselves from suffering just because we don’t like how it makes us feel.  How can we love when we have our eyes squeezed shut?  Don’t turn off the news, but sit with it, internalize it, and then talk to God about it.  Is there anything He wants you do?  
It is our duty to see.   
And we have a duty to act when it is in our power to do so.
But we also have a duty to delight.  And it is a beauty-from-ashes kind of delight.  A resurrection song that rings out only as we die to our self-centeredness and the world’s empty promises of peace.  Ours is a peace in spite of, not because of.  It’s a joy that skims along the surface of the storm, catching the wind, riding it and finding that—amazingly–it’s possible not to sink after all.  But this is only through hope in Someone that keeps us from being trampled by fear. 
In the hours before Jesus is crucified, He speaks these words to his followers, “Therefore you too have grief now; but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you” (Jn. 16:22).
No one.  Nothing.  Will take your joy away from you.  Do you believe that?
Friends, our God is stronger.  Hatred and fear cannot steal our joy, quench our love or extinguish our light.  Our duty is to keep our eyes pried open even in the pain and do what we can in our communities to alleviate suffering and injustice.  But it is also our duty—whether we feel like it our not–to delight.  

~~~

Subscribe to Scraping Raisins by email and/or follow me on Twitter and Facebook. I’d love to get to know you better!

~~~ 

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The Invention of Wings Book Club Discussion Questions

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I once was (color) blind, but now…

70+ Race Resources for White People 

"We are grasping for an elusive hope, wrestling with despair and choking for fresh air.  We either let anger crush us or we take the easy way out and run away, hide and pretend the suffering doesn’t exist.  I know.  I’m a recovering runaway myself.      But there is another way..."

I once was (color) blind, but now…


"...as we boast that we are colorblind, what we are blind to is that color really does matter. People are treated certain ways simply because of the color of their skin."
I shifted my feet as we stood in the slow, snaking security line at the Denver airport. Reaching down to remove my sandals and place them on the conveyor belt, I had the thought I’ve often had in my years of traveling, I would make an outstanding criminal. The exact opposite of those who are usually profiled, my blond hair, white skin and female gender provide the invisibility cloak every terrorist longs to hide behind. I would make an excellent spy.

Confessing this private thought implicates me–not as a covert criminal, but as someone who enjoys certain privileges because of my appearance. I never drive around at night wondering if the police are going to pull me over. I’m not afraid that I’ll be picked up for shoplifting. Being unjustly accused is not something that I worry about and I’m convinced I would be let off easily even if I did commit a crime. I trust the system.

I write this not to brag, but to confess. Because I’m ashamed. I clutch my whiteness to myself as a safety net and squeeze my eyes shut to the injustices of those who do not have this privilege. And it’s time to change.

And so I’ve been reading, watching, listening, following people of color on social media and forcing my eyes open. The more I see the heart-rending, harrowing injustices in the U.S., the more I’m aware of the errors not only in society, but in myself. I am a part of the problem.

As white people, we brag that we are “colorblind” and congratulate ourselves for being inclusive and tolerant. Because we don’t actively hate, abuse or reject those of another color personally, we would never call ourselves “racists.” We say we see everyone as the same and silently assume that everyone, deep down, is like us.

But as we boast that we are colorblind, what we are blind to is that color really does matter. People are treated certain ways simply because of the color of their skin.

My journey toward sight began as all breakdowns of prejudice inevitably must: through a relationship. My friend and I sat sipping tea as our three-year-old sons boisterously played together in the living room. We discussed common mom woes such as which preschool to send our sons to, potty training and how to encourage longer sleep. But then my friend, a white woman like myself, tiptoed onto unfamiliar ground as she shared some fears that were unique to her experience, because her adopted son is African American.

She has already considered coaching her son on how to interact with police and other authority figures. Right now, he is an adorable little boy with gorgeous hair and a winning smile, but she already dreads the day when a white woman will look at him and clutch her purse or intentionally cross the street to avoid him. She knows she will have to teach him to treat authority with respect and to always show his hands. And he will never be allowed to play with a toy gun in public.

Talking to her made me realize how naïve I’ve been. I’ve never once thought of training my son in these ways. I rubbed my eyes and wondered if this disparity has been here all along and if so, how have I not noticed it before?

There’s a story in the Bible where a blind man begs for Jesus to heal him[1]. Jesus leans down, scoops up a handful of mud and smears it over his eyes before telling him to wash in a nearby pool of water. This is the stage of recovery I am at–stumbling and begging for Jesus to finish restoring my sight and point me toward the clear pool. But I must allow Him to continue rubbing mud in my eyes. It’s this stinging mud of discovery that’s making me whole.

The activist, Austin Channing Brown, tells about when she first toured Civil Rights sites and she and her classmates’ eyes were opened to the injustice embedded in America’s history[2]. A classmate stood up and gave a speech to the others on the bus. “Now that we know all of this, doing nothing is no longer an option,” she announced to the group.

Now that I see more clearly, walking around in blindness is no longer an option. But what can I—a white, minivan-driving mom in the suburbs–do?

So far, fiery rage has been my first response. I’m angry at the history, enraged at “the system,” livid about the judges, politicians and law enforcement that seem to perpetuate this injustice[3]. I hate myself for my ignorance and inability to change anything. The flames of injustice are searing into my soul like an uncontrolled wildfire.

At the commencement speech for The University of Denver law department I attended last week, four graduating students shared the hopelessness they felt in being confronted with glaring injustice and the inability of the law to overcome those injustices[4]. But one optimistic student declared, “Anger is fire and fire is energy.” So I write this to blow on the flame and fan it into fire in my heart and yours. Because as others like me begin to feel the heat, perhaps we’ll beg for sight and be healed of our blindness. And a person with sight is much more capable of fighting battles than a blind one.

And so I tune my heart to hear, learn, watch, confess and acknowledge my role. I seek out relationships with those who are different from me, haul my kids to diverse parks on the opposite side of the city, and keep rubbing this stinging mud of horrendous injustice into my eyes until I see clearly and can walk forward. I write, talk (okay, rant), pray, read, share stories, educate my children and vote. I feed the fire so it becomes a constructive energy instead of a destructive devastation.

Gregory Boyle states in Tattoos on the Heart, “We have a chance, sometimes, to create a new jurisdiction, a place of astonishing mutuality, whenever we close both eyes of judgement and open the other eye to pay attention[5].”

It’s time to start paying attention.

 

 


[1]John 9: 1-12
[3]Especially after reading the book, Just Mercy, by Bryan Stevenson
[4] http://www.law.du.edu/index.php/student-affairs/commencement
[5]Boyle, Gregory. Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion. New York: Free Press, 2010, p. 136.  

~~~

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70+ Race Resources for White People

70+ Race Resources for White People

It’s time.  

Maybe you read a news article on your Facebook feed or listened to a podcast and feel it’s time for you to finally DO something about the injustices in our nation.  

Perhaps it is time for that.   

But our African American sisters and brothers have asked that before we speak, we be sure that we have done something else first: educate ourselves.     

Its not the job of the African American community to teach white people about racism, so we must intentionally and humbly lean in, listen and learn how white culture is killing black lives.  Specifically, they want us to grasp our role in the visible and invisible structures that are threatening to crush them.  


The following list of resources is far from exhaustive, but will serve as a springboard for those who want to learn more about racism in America right now. Most of the resources are current and ones I’ve run across in the past six months, but do not include news events or historical documents.  

Though Ive read all the articles and listened to the podcasts in this post, I’m still working my way through the list of books, all of which come highly recommended by others.  Please add additional resources in the comments section of this post.   

 

 

70+ Race Resources for White People

 

Podcasts

The Liturgists 
Episode 34–Black & White: Racism in America 
(If you only have time to listen to one podcast from this list, I would recommend this one.  It’s nearly two hours, but it’s so packed with insight that you’ll want to listen again.) 

Code Switch: Race and Identity, Remixed 
Can We Talk about Whiteness? 

On Being (with Krista Tippet)  
Michelle Alexander–Who We Want to Become: Beyond the New Jim Crow

John A. Powell: Opening the Question of Race to the Question of Belonging 

The Practice 
Stories of Resurrection in Race 

Seminary Dropout 
Austin Channing Brown 

Deidra Riggs on Women of Color Writers, the Church, and More
 
Jo Saxton on Post-Christendom, Discipleship, and Being a Woman of Color
 
Michelle Higgins on That Sermon at Urbana (Here is the talk that this is about: Michelle Higgins) 

This American Life
Part I:  The Problem We All Live With 


Part II:  The Problem We All Live Wit

(On segregation/integration in schools.) 

Videos:

Michelle Higgins, Urbana 2015  

How Parents Talk to Their African American Sons about Police

  

On the Web:

Talking to Our Kids about Race: 

How to Talk to Kids about Race and Racism 

Like Me, Like You Kids 
A place to buy toys and decorative items for kids that reflect diversity. From the site: “Our hope is to curate beautiful products that allow children of color to see themselves in the art, books and toys they interact with daily. We also hope that children of all shades would grow up appreciating the gift of diversity – like me, like you.”
 
Raising Race Conscious Children 

12 Books Featuring Black Fathers (for all ages)

28 Black Picture books that Aren’t About Boycotts, Buses or Basketball

50+ Picture Books about Mixed Race Families 

In the Church:

Why Jesus’ Skin Color Matters, by Christena Cleveland for Christianity Today

It’s Not a Multicultural Church if… by Starlette McNeill at Raceless Gospel 

When Christians Won’t Say #BlackLivesMatter by Kevin Wright at Huffpost

Understanding White Privilege:

How White Privilege Affects 8 People of Color on a Day-to-Day Basis, by Paige Tutt for Bustle 

I’m White, but I Married the Son of a Black History Icon–And This is What I Discovered about Color, by Cara Meredith at For Every Mom  

On a Plate: A Short Story about Privilege   

The Problem with Saying ‘All Lives Matter,’ by Tyler Huckabee for Relevant Magazine 

When You’re Accustomed to Privilege, Equality Feels Like Oppression, by Chris Boeskool for Huffington Post 

White Privilege, Explained in One Simple Comic (language alert!)

White Privilege: Lessons from a White Mama of Black Children by Christy Richardson at Elephant Journal 

White Privilege and What We’re Supposed to Do About It, by Kristen Howerton at her blog, Rage Against the Minivan

**White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack, by Peggy McIntosh  
(This checklist is used all over the country in college classes to teach about white privilege). 

Black Womanhood:

The Recipe: A Reflection on Black Womanhood by Austin Channing Brown at her blog 

4 Things ‘LEMONADE’ Teaches Us About Black Womanhood by Courtney Hall Lee at Sojo.net

White Fragility:

Why White People Freak Out When They’re Called Out About Race, by Sam Adler-Bell for Alternet

“Dear White People, I wish you knew…”

The Heartbreaking Reality of Raising Black Children in America, by Jacalyn Wetzel for the Huffington Post

I Used to Lead Tours at a Plantation. You Won’t Believe the Questions I Got about Slavery., by Margaret Biser for Vox

On Race, Rights & Raising a Black Son: An Interview with Rachel Yantis at Scraping Raisins

Out of Sight, Out of Mind: Why White Moms Need to Care about Murdered Black Children, by Danielle S 

Ten Things White People Need to Quit Saying, by Melody Moezzi for Huffington Post  

To the White Parents of My Black Son’s Friends, by Maralee 

What You Can Do:

70+ Race Resources for White People

 
One Small Square, by Lisha Epperson for The Mudroom  (The Mudroom did an entire series on race in June of 2016 that was fabulous.) 

What You Can Do Right Now About Police Brutality, by Ijeoma Oluo for Huff Post Blog  

The Case for Reparations, by Ta-Nehisi Coates for The Atlantic 

Ok, White Folks, Here’s What You Can Really Do to Help, by Pastor Jonathan Brooks 

The Ugly Truth about Diversity at Scraping Raisins

Books

A Different Mirror: A History of Multicultural America

Between the World and Me

The Cross and the Lynching Tree

Divided by Faith: Evangelical Religion and the Problem of Race in America 

Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption

Let Nobody Turn Us Around: An African American Anthology

More than Just Race: Being Black and Poor in the Inner City (Issues of Our Time)  

The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness 

The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America’s Great Migration

Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria: And Other Conversations About Race
 
 
People/Blogs to Follow on Twitter or Facebook:

These voices–both white and people of color–are bravely speaking out about racism in our country.  If you subscribe to their blogs, follow them on Twitter or “like” their pages on Facebook, then you’ll be sure to always be kept abreast of the latest that is going on in the African American community.

*active on Twitter

**active on Facebook 

**A Musing Maralee

Austin Channing Brown

*Broderick Greer  

*Shay Stewart-Boulay/Black Girl in Maine

Danielle S/Mamademics

Deidra Riggs

Dr. Brenda Salter McNeil

Drew G. I. Hart  

*Jasmine Banks 

Jennifer/Baby Making Machine  

Jo Saxton

Jon Greenberg

Judy Wu Dominick 

**Kristen Howerton/Rage Against the Minivan

Lisha Epperson

**Latasha Morrison

 
Online Journals:

Ebony

Huff Post Black Voices

The Root

Find a long list of news sources here

Facebook Group:

Be the Bridge  (also a website)


Additional Lists of Resources:

Curriculum for White Americans to Educate Themselves on Race and Racism–From Ferguson to Charleston 

Racial Reconciliation Resources (from First Free Church, Chicago) 

This list barely scratches the surface of the resources available, but I hope that these passionate voices will start you on your journey toward self-education in matters of race and racism

Feel overwhelmed by the vastness of the problem? 

It helps to remember that though the nation is a quilt of many squares, you are only responsible to do your part in toppling racism by “tending to your one small square“–that corner of the world God has placed you in for such a time as this (Lisha Epperson).   

~~~

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~~~

Next Posts: I once was (color) blind, but now…

Mourning and the Duty to Delight 

Previous Post: A Muslim in Our Home

Related Posts:

31 Days of #WOKE

The Ugly Truth about Diversity

On Race, Rights & Raising a Black Son: An Interview with Rachel Yantis 

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you click on a book and buy it through Amazon, you will not be charged extra, but I will receive a very tiny commission.

~~~

 

  

A Muslim in Our Home

This 4th of July weekend, while Americans attended swelteringly hot parades, grilled hamburgers and sat under a bursting night sky, those in the Muslim world had a holiday and a succession of explosions of their own.  My family was no different from most Americans in the way we spent our weekend, though this year in Colorado our fireworks followed a rodeo and the parade included more farm equipment and horses than anything else.

Perhaps the only difference between our Fourth and yours was that we spent ours with a devout Muslim who is currently living in our home, a close friend whom our children call “Auntie Boo.”  She lived with us for a year in Chicago and is now staying with us for a month after recently finishing her studies in Denver.  We invited her to celebrate the 4th of July at my parent’s house a few hours away in the middle of the Rocky Mountains.   

On our drive home over the achingly beautiful mountains, Auntie Boo and I reflected on the weekend.  Neither of us had experienced a rodeo before and decided anyone who would strap their children to sheep (called “mutton bustin”) was certainly crazy.  She remarked that her favorite memory of the weekend was learning to kayak. But as we talked, I thought about the many events she missed because she was sleeping or didn’t join us for meals.

While we feasted, she fasted.  Tuesday marked the final day of 30 she has been fasting from food and water during daylight hours for Ramadan.  Fasting while in America presents many challenges for Muslims in that others are constantly eating around you and you are awake at night while others are sleeping.  In community with other Muslims who are fasting, she tells me there is nothing like the solidarity you feel, but alone in America, she has felt very isolated.  At my parent’s house, she would spend hours praying and reading the Quran while the rest of us slept. 

As I slowed the car for the tourists in front of us to gawk at a few elk along the side of the mountain, she asked if I had heard the news from her country, Saudi Arabia, over the weekend.  When I admitted that I hadn’t, she told me of the three bombings that had occurred there–one close to the burial site of Muhammed.  “These people,” she said about ISIS, “they are not true Muslims.”

We also discussed the attack in Iraq on Sunday where more than 250 people were killed in a crowded square.  “Those people were simply out in the market preparing for our holiday the next day,” she lamented.  In America, it would be similar to the shopping district in New York or Chicago being bombed on Christmas Eve.  Unthinkable.

As we discussed ISIS, she expressed shock and disbelief over the ways this terrorist faction has managed to “wash the brains” of young people around the world.  In an article in The New York Daily News, Shaun King notes that, “Claiming a religion as cover for terrorism doesn’t make you a genuine follower of that religion. Yelling “Allahu Akbar” (which simply means God is great) before killing people makes a man a Muslim no more than yelling “Hallelujah” before a mass shooting makes a man a Christian.”  The recent attacks on Muslim holy lands further prove that ISIS and Islam should not be equated.

Back home on the other side of the mountains, our friend broke her fast with us yesterday evening and then spent an hour showing us videos and pictures on Snapchat of her friends and family celebrating Eid in Saudi Arabia and around the world.  Doe-eyed women peered out of burkas or more daring women took selfies of themselves in elaborate new costumes or cocktail dresses. Groups of men draped in white cloth with red checkered head dresses chatted on white leather couches and children opened beautifully wrapped presents and envelopes full of money from doting family members.  Candies, dates, cakes, fried bread and Arabic coffee were artistically spread across tables.  Laughing, Auntie Boo said that Pinterest has had a definite influence on the Eid preparations.

Watching the millions of people celebrating this holiday that most Americans don’t even know exist reminded me of the smallness of my world.  My world right now is feeding, clothing and nurturing two teeny people and one big person.  It is getting by on the limited reserve of energy I have as my body grows this new life inside of me.  It is zoo trips, scribbling thoughts in the margins of my days, church, a plastic pool in the backyard, date nights and slow walks to the park.  If I’m honest, I admit that I try not to think about terrorism, bombings or refugees so desperate to survive that they are willing to stow away on boats.  In an age of selective news, I can see what I want to see and hear what I want to hear.  It is so much easier to pretend those people and places don’t exist. 

Until you can’t.   

It’s not until a person from another culture literally moves in with you that your world cracks open and you look up from your narrow view.  It is then that you are reminded that there are 1.6 billion Muslims in the world.  There is nothing like a single relationship to personalize pain and remind you to care about the rest of humanity. 

How many Muslims do you know on a first name basis?  How much would one relationship influence the way you see the rest of the world? 

~~~

Related Posts:

When the Nations Come to You

The Ugly Truth about Diversity

Last Post: Monthly Mentionables {June}

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"If I'm honest, I admit that I try not to think about terrorism, bombings or refugees so desperate to survive that they are willing to stow away on boats.  In an age of selective news, I can see what I want to see and hear what I want to hear.  It is so much easier to pretend those people and places don't exist.    Until you can't..."

 

Monthly Mentionables {June}


The month of June enveloped us with her open arms as my husband and I left our children with the grandparents and took our first week-long vacation in San Diego without kids. We marveled at the silence and relished the rest and opportunity to get to know one another again after the past four years of being in survival-mode with little ones. It was wonderful.

On the tail of that came The Readjustment to Real Life. (Ahem, reminding our children, who had a vacation of their own, that mommy and daddy do things differently than mimi and papa). And just as soon as it seemed that life was back to “normal,” I plunged into potty training BOTH my children.

But thanks to the vacation, where I put my phone aside for an entire week, I was able to indulge in reading, do a bit more self-education about race issues and listen to some fascinating new podcasts. Here’s some of what’s been blowing my mind this month:

Books:

The Invention of Wings, by Sue Monk Kidd
The Invention of Wings is written from the perspective of one white woman from a slave-owning family in South Carolina and the African American attendant she was “given” as a girl. The chapters alternate between these points of view and walk us through their lives as the United States begins to awaken to the injustices of slavery. The themes regarding race, women’s rights and the role of history and religion in the formation of our laws are discussions that are still applicable around our living room, at bars and certainly on the Internet today. Packed with imagery and symbolism, this book provided a great discussion for our first book club.  I would certainly recommend that you explore its depths with a friend or two.






The More of Less: Finding the Life You Want Under Everything You Own, by Joshua Becker
Here’s a snippet of the review I wrote for this book:
This book is a practical how-to book for the minimalist novice looking to explore the benefits of a simpler lifestyle. As I already agreed with Becker’s concepts of minimalism at the outset, I didn’t need a lot of convincing and personally found the first half of the book to be purely common sense. But the second half of the book offered so much practical advice on how to actually incorporate minimalist ideas into the average American’s life that I found it to be a gem in the midst of so many books now available on this current trend…continue reading 

Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion, by Gregory Boyle
This is one of the most powerful stories I’ve read about real lovers of Jesus doing the hard work of living and working among the poor right here in the U.S. Gregory Boyle breaks the mold as a fearless, potty-mouthed priest who moves into the ghetto of Los Angeles. An expert story-teller, Boyle poetically juxtaposes stories of loss alongside humor in a way that dunks you into the emotions and reality of life on the streets again and again, but still leaves you gasping for breath (and sometimes even laughing) at the end of it all. If you are in the market for a true and inspiring story about a man making a difference, buy it right now (don’t make the mistake of checking it out of the library like I did–you’ll want to underline this one!). 




Unashamed: Healing Our Brokenness and Finding Freedom from Shame, by Heather Nelson
Shame is a buzzword that is rising to the crest of discussions on identity and self not just in the world of psychology, but also in society at largeThis book provides a much-needed seat at the panel discussion of shame as it delves into this topic from an overtly Christian perspective. Heather Nelson clearly pinpoints the shame that is so prevalent, though often unrecognized, in the life of the Christian, and offers hope through holding that shame up to the cross of Christ. If you are a follower of Jesus who is at all familiar with the work of Brene Brown on the topic of shame, then you will find this book to be a powerful and necessary compliment to her work as it address the topic from a biblical angle. (And this is the first book I’ve ever read that was written by a real, live friend of mine! I’m in awe.)


Podcasts:

Code Switch: Race and Identity, Remixed
I’m so excited about this new podcast. Its a group of journalists of different races that talk about some of the hard issues surrounding race. I really appreciated the first episode I listened to and it gave me lots to think about: Can We Talk about Whiteness?
 

On Being with Krista Tippet
Oh my. I’m obsessed with Krista Tippet’s VOICE (so I just may love people with great voices…). It is so soothing. In addition to that, she is one of the best interviewers I’ve ever heard. I’m really enjoying this very professional, deep and insightful podcast with some of the best thinkers alive today.

Revealing Ramadan
Michelle Alexander–Who We Want to Become: Beyond the New Jim Crow
 

Sorta Awesome
I now feel like these ladies are my friends, so I love just listening along and always come away with some new book to read, recipe to try or fad to explore. It’s positive listening in a heavy world, so I appreciate that so much!
 
The Good, the Bad, and (Rarely) Ugly of Blogging
 

The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey
Jamie is such a laid-back, down-to-earth host and she has some incredible friends on the show. I loved this one with Jen Hatmaker, who is just as hilarious in person as she is in her books!
#50 Jen Hatmaker

 
Coffee + Crumbs
I sort of binge-listened to this podcast this month. It feels like listening to a few mom friends chat about everything I’m thinking about these days, so I loved it!

#2 Making Mom Friends
#3 It’s Their Day Too  
#4 Mommy Doesn’t Go to Work  
#6 Potty Training is the Worst  


Thought-Provoking Articles from the Web:

I Used to Lead Tours at a Plantation. You Won’t Believe the Questions I Got about Slavery., by Margaret Biser for Vox

“The site I worked at most frequently had more than 100 enslaved workers associated with it— 27 people serving the household alone, outnumbering the home’s three white residents by a factor of nine. Yet many guests who visited the house and took the tour reacted with hostility to hearing a presentation that focused more on the slaves than on the owners.”

 
One Small Square, by Lisha Epperson for The Mudroom (The Mudroom actually did an entire series on race during the month of June that was fabulous.)

“There’s a difference between contemplative silence and a quiet birthed from fear. I found myself knotted up in the latter and afraid to admit it. It’s the kind of quiet that kills and makes hope a commodity you think you can’t afford. It’s also easier, but would never lead to the kind of redemption I sought. It was time to still my silence, unleash the internal verbal parrying to the page as prayer – to move forward in courage.

A reawakening happened as I zeroed in on the heartbeat of my everyday world. Surely I could handle one small square. Using a teaching technique that’s worked well with my children, I leaned into the specifics of my piece of the quilt – my portion. I got clear on the questions I needed to answer. Who do I want to be to my family and community? How do I want to show up in the faith communities I’m called to and how I can I align myself with the gathering of courageous ordinary people doing the work of justice in their daily lives?”
 

The Heartbreaking Reality of Raising Black Children in America, by Jacalyn Wetzel for the Huffington Post

“As a mother of two black boys, I have to be extra vigilant in making sure they understand how their presence can make people feel threatened, while at the same time help them understand they have value. I have to have a conversation with them when they get a little taller about how they will “fit the description” most of the time, and how to react when they do. Sometimes the reason for being pulled over is because you’re brown and the sad truth is, if you don’t act in a manner that is completely compliant, you can get a jolt of a Taser or worse. As parents our goal should be raising a boy in America, not raising a black boy in America or a (fill in the blank) boy in America.”
 

This ‘Hamilton’ Star Validated What So Many Women Feel–But Rarely Say Out Loud, by Jennifer Gerson Uffalussy of Fusion

“I would just love to say that if you know anything about me, I have spent the last 10 years of my life—what some would consider the life blood of a woman’s career—just trying to have children. And I get to testify in front of all of you that the Lord gave me Benjamin and Brielle and he still gave me this,” she shared from the stage, holding her statue…”
 

When Happily Ever After Isn’t Easy, by Ashley Hales at her blog

“Because ultimately the strength of that covenant doesn’t rest on words we said when we were just babies. It rests on the great I AM who says he will never leave us or forsake us, who runs to welcome his wayward bride, who clothes us with the robes of family. He is the rock of ages and, on that foundation, we can keep placing our little wooden marital pew.”
 

White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack, by Peggy McIntosh

This article has been around for 30 years, but I’m ashamed to say that I am just now reading it. To learn about white privilege, read through the checklist (there are 50 total) and see how many you would say “yes” to… 

  1. I can if I wish arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time.
  2. If I should need to move, I can be pretty sure of renting or purchasing housing in an area which I can afford and in which I would want to live.
  3. I can be pretty sure that my neighbors in such a location will be neutral or pleasant to me.
  4. I can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be followed or harassed.
  5. I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented… 


White Privilege and What We’re Supposed to Do About It, by Kristen Howerton at her blog, Rage Against the Minivan

“Simply put, privilege refers to an unearned advantage. It usually refers to something inherent . . . something you were born with rather than something you worked for. There are many types of privilege: economic privilege, gender privilege, heterosexual privilege, and of course . . . racial privilege. Racial privilege can take many forms, from minor things to life-threatening things. White privilege can look like being able to grab some shampoo at the grocery store and being confident they carry products for your hair type. White privilege can look like being able to find a band-aid that matches your skin tone. White privilege can look like waling through an upscale residential neighborhood without anyone wondering what you are doing there. White privilege can look like wearing a baseball cap and baggy pants and no one assuming you are a criminal.”


Recipes:

So I mentioned we were on vacation for a week, right?  And the potty training thing…? It was a bit tricky getting back into the swing of cooking, so I went with a lot of invented recipes this month involving some combination of bean/grain/roasted veggies/feta for suppers that I won’t bother you with. I did try these out, though, and would recommend them:
 
Colorful Beet Salad with Carrot, Quinoa and Spinach {Cookie + Kate}
We actually ate this as a meal, but it would make a great side for a cookout or potluck since it’s so pretty. I didn’t have a fancy spirilizer, so I just used my vegetable grater and that worked fine.
 
Lemon Raspberry Muffins {Cookie + Kate}
I made a big batch of these before we had a week of house-guests and they were a hit. I love anything with lemon and fruit, so it was a great find for me. And because they were healthier than your normal muffin, I had no hesitations in giving them to my kids for snacks.

 

Published Posts:

Chicago’s Uptown at You Are Here
(I love the essays on this site–if you are into the connection of place and identity like I am, then you should head over and read more!)

“A fire engine shrieked through the stoplight, casting a light show in my room and spraying the bare white walls with color. Even through closed windows, the sound was deafening. Within minutes, an ambulance from the hospital in the other direction bayed and bounded through the intersection. I rubbed my eyes. The city had assaulted me through the night, pushing away any hope of restful sleep. The thought of coffee propelled me out of bed….continue reading
 

A Book for the Budding Minimalist {The More of Less} at Blogging for Books (excerpt above)
 

In Case You Missed It on Scraping Raisins:

Overcoming Smartphone Addiction

“A monarch butterfly sailed on the wind as I sat waiting for my latte at an open-air coffee shop in San Diego. I watched it glide, dip and twirl around the men and women busily setting up tables and canopies for a weekly farmers’ market. Suddenly, I realized that I wouldn’t have noticed this spectacular solo performance just a week ago. Nose-down, scrolling through any number of messages, alerts and notifications on my phone, I would have missed this simple dance on the wind…continue reading
 

Potty Training a Strong-Willed Child

“If you are not currently a parent of toddlers or preschoolers, please feel free to skip this post or pass it along to someone who is in this stage of life–I won’t be offended. But hopefully this will be helpful to those of you in the middle of this insane time of life where we actually get excited about our kids’ poo…continue reading

Loving Like They’re Lost

“My babies are my tattoos. When I gave birth to them, my flesh ripped and I was left with beautiful, forever scars. I’ve been branded. Altered. These tattoos are a display of the divine artist who chose the intricate motions that would sear my skin and create the unique patterns of each child. Like a fresh wound, motherhood leaves you vulnerable and exposed. Motherhood sensitizes you to pain, but also to raw joy… continue reading

 
My Friends Are Books: Finding More Time to Read

“… My husband and I call books our “friends.” When we decided to declutter and minimize our possessions before our move last year, my husband sifted through more than one thousand of these old pals to choose which ones to say goodbye to. It was a painful parting.

Just as any relationship evolves, so, too, our on-going affair with reading. I was that kid in elementary school, narrowly missing smacking into other students as I walked the hallways with my head buried in a book. I read billboards, cereal boxes at breakfast and shampoo bottles in the shower. Anything with words would do…continue reading

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What have you been up to this month?

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Potty Training a Strong-Willed Child

If you are not currently a parent of toddlers or preschoolers, please feel free to skip this post or pass it along to someone who is in this stage of lifeI won’t be offended.  But hopefully this will be helpful to those of you in the middle of this insane time of life where we actually get excited about our kids’ poo.

My son is currently three months shy of his fourth birthday and my daughter is 23 months old.  We tried this foul business almost exactly one year ago and I was so scarred that I’ve put it off until now.  If it weren’t for the fact that I will soon have THREE children in diapers at once, I’d probably wait even longer, but that thought alone motivates me (along with the fact that we already put down a deposit on my son’s preschool where he must be potty trained by the end of August).

I’ve read the books and done my research.  I’m armed with stickers, fruit snacks, juice (well, mango tea…I forgot to buy juice), movies, a froggy potty, rags, cleaning products, a bajillion undies, a doll to train, pull-ups, a reward toy and promises of going out for ice cream and calling grandparents with the good news.

But here’s the thing…my son couldn’t give a rip.  That toy has been sitting in my closet for an ENTIRE YEAR.  So I’m going into all of this knowing full well that it will be a battle of the wills…and I’m determined to win.

After last year’s sad attempt at using the naked bootcamp method of staring at your kid’s naked bum for three days straight without leaving the house and not having a single hit in the potty, this time around I decide to relax.  I’m okay with naked, but will keep the kids in undies if at all possible (and shorts with an elastic band, too, for my son so he can get used to pulling them off and on).  

I’m starting to accept that I’m not a cutsie parent who does sticker charts, dances and elaborate parties–and that’s okay.  Kids all over the world learn to control their bowels completely without the help of Pinterest.  I also let my husband off the hook and decided to do it during the week instead of over a weekend.  So here’s how it went for us…

Pre-potty training (trying to gear myself up)

(Saturday):
I sat in an Adirondack chair with a cup of tea and let the kids run around in the backyard in their underwear all afternoon.  My son had one big wet accident on the carpet in his room at 6:30 pm, but held it otherwise (even though I asked every 15 minutes if he needed to go).  My daughter peed in her underwear 4 times (and I finally put a diaper on her right before dinner).

(Sunday):  Skipped

(Monday):
More backyard nakey/undie play time in the afternoon.  Brought the little potty outside, which my daughter sat on for over 15 minutes without going, then promptly peed on the patio.  I never saw my son go, but I suspect the wet undies weren’t from playing in the plastic pool.


The Real Deal

I decided to just go for it.  We pulled up the rugs and I committed to staying home all day for four days, but was ready to bail if it was terrible.

Here’s my “method”:

  • show them what I want them to do by demonstrating myself and with a doll 
  • set a timer and take the kids to the potty every 20 minutes 
  • have my son sit on the actual toilet normally with a step stool (we have a pretty small/low toilet) and my daughter on the portable one 
  • make up stupid songs about pee as they sit there for at least two songs (Twinkle Twinkle Little Star is a good one for this 😉 )
  • don’t make a big deal out of accidents 
  • RELAX and enjoy lounging around watching movies or laughing at my kids playing in cute undies outside (this is why I waited for summer)


Also, last minute I decided to go cold turkey with my son even at night and naps because I figured he’d just hold it until I put him in a diaper.  We put a waterproof mat under his sheet and a portable potty in his room at night and naps and hoped for the best…

Day 1 (Tuesday):  Not terrible.

I started out the day bawling on my husband’s shoulder because my son kept announcing that he was NOT using the potty (hey–pregnancy hormones are for real).  But I rallied and we ended up having a low-key morning of cuddling and eating popcorn on towels on the couch.

All day long, I marched both kids to the potty every 20 minutes.  Neither ever went during these times.

My daughter was the first to pee in the portable potty.  She went while she was watching T.V., but I suspect it was just luck because I probably changed her undies six times throughout the morning as she played around happily without even noticing the rivers she was leaving on the wood floor.

Later in the morning, my son announced he needed to go potty, then went in the regular toilet like it was no big deal.  I was so happy that I CRIED.  Honestly.  I never thought this day would come.

Hugs, cheers, kisses and high fives seemed to be enough of a reward and he didn’t even mention previous promises of rewards.

He went once more right after his nap in the portable potty–all by himself in his room without prompting.  No pooping all day.  No accidents, either.  Hallelujah!


Day 2 (Wednesday):  Failure…

Neither kid went in the potty all day long…not once.

My son started out the morning by unloading his bowels into his undies twice in 20 minutes.  Throughout the day, we continued parading to the potty every 20 minutes with no results.  During non-nap times, we watched movies and the kids played outside in the backyard.  My son held his pee from 8:30 am until 5:30 pm (nine hours!), then let it whoosh after sneaking into another room. My daughter started resisting sitting on the potty and would go on the floor minutes after our bathroom trips. Hopefully vinegar will be enough to cover any potential smells…

Feeling discouraged.


Day 3 (Thursday): Success!!!

We woke up at 5:30 am to my son shouting, “Mommy, Daddy, I pooped in the potty!!!”  It was his first time.  We stumbled into his room, admired his “present” in the portable potty, gave hugs and high fives and “let” my son flush it down the toilet.  Grandparents and uncles were called later in the day.

The second time he went #2 was right before his nap–alone in his room.  He also peed in the potty two or three other times throughout the day and stayed dry otherwise (even at night and naps!).

I didn’t even bother taking them every 20 minutes because my son never once went during any of these times, but always went of his own initiative.  Oh, the strong-willed child.  So frustrating, but so lovely in their ability to surprise you.  Later in the afternoon, he remembered the promised toy he has admired in my closet for the past year and we decided it was finally deserved.

I had my daughter in her undies in the morning as they played outside in the sprinkler, but gave up and put her in diapers in the afternoon after more accidents and no hits in the potty since the first day.


Day 4 (Friday): An Outing.

My son has been dry for over 24 hours (sleeping times included), so I decide to attempt an outing.  We went out for frozen custard and french fries–at 10 am.  I put my daugher in diapers, but brought a change of clothes for my son, a towel and threw the froggy potty into our van for good measure.

About 30 minutes into our time at the restaurant, my son said he needed to use the potty, so we rushed into bathroom and he bravely scooted onto the much larger public toilet to do his business.  I was glad it wasn’t an automatic one, because I wasn’t ready to deal with that trauma.  He did it!  More cheering, hugs and alerting of the family members.  We headed to the park for a little bit after that and made it home without any accidents.

1 Week Later…

Up to now, my son has had just one accident and has stayed dry while sleeping–for an entire week.  In that time, he’s gone at church, at restaurants and even peed off the hiking trail with daddy. We’ve jumped right back into life as usual and trust him to tell us when he needs to go. But what’s surprised us the most is how this new skill has transformed him.  He is more confident, willing to try new things and glows with pride in himself.  He can control something very important in his little life and this knowledge empowers him. 


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  Here’s my take-away:

1. Wait until they’re older, not just “ready.”  
My son was very content to stay in diapers forever, so I couldn’t just wait for him to tell me he was ready, but I think the fact that he was older made it all go so much more quickly. I keep thinking of it like picking fruit–would you rather pick fruit prematurely and have it sit on your counter for a week to ripen, or just wait and pick it when it’s good and ripe?  My son was ripe and ready for this.  My daughter? Not so much.  But she’s two next month and we’ll try her again when the time seems right.

2. Relax.  
Don’t take it too seriously and be willing to wait if it doesn’t work for you right now. 

3. Be willing to go against “the books.”  
My son certainly didn’t follow the potty training script–he never ONCE went when prompted, stayed dry at night and naps from day one, and seemed more motivated by our smiles and praise than by stickers and prizes.

Ah, parenting.  I never thought I‘d see the day when I‘d look in the toilet, see a huge turd and start smiling and clapping. 

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What’s your experience with potty training?  

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What we did and how it went when we attempted to potty train my strong-willed son.

  

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