Ok folks, I have books for you. Add these to your Goodreads “want to read” list, pre-order on Amazon (this guarantees the lowest price), request from your local library, or call in to your indie bookstores to pre-order. I’m drooling over these gorgeous covers. Most of these books are nonfiction and all are by women writers. I can’t wait.
Please share this post so we can spread the word about these! If you’re an author and need some help in launching a book, you can check out some ideas I’ve collected here. Authors appreciate readers pre-ordering, writing reviews, and sharing about books on social media and with friends in real life. Every bit helps.
I’ll continue being an irresponsible reader (according to my husband who reads one book at a time) and will likely read many of these at once. Which ones look good to you? I already bought the book of poetry as I compiled this list. Happy reading!
This list will be updated periodically throughout the year. Enjoy! If you’d like more book recommendations, please sign up for my monthly-ish newsletter!
This post includes Amazon affiliate links. But when possible, I recommend supporting your local indie bookstore! 🙂
No, I’m not addicted to alcohol, porn, drugs, or drugs. I’m addicted to my Smartphone. It’s been awhile now. I even wrote about it nearly two years ago in an article for SheLoves Magazine called It’s Time to Hide My Hashtags. At the time, I was horrified to discover that I unlocked my phone over a hundred times a day and spent two hours or more a day (on average) on my phone. Sounds ridiculous, but that’s actually average for most Smartphone users. (The fact that we app and Smartphone owners are called “users” is so telling …).
I’ve asked in Facebook groups, on Twitter, and among my real life friends, trying to figure out the magic formula to yank myself out of the Smartphone use compulsion. I started sleeping with my phone plugged in downstairs, deleted apps from my phone, got my husband to block those apps and websites on my internet browser (only he has the password), but I always make up excuses to convince him to let me creep back in the gate. Eventually I find myself right back where I started: mindlessly swiping and scrolling away precious minutes of my life.
Nothing has worked.
So coming across a book called Digital Minimalism felt serendipitous to me. I’m desperate for change. Desperate enough to call it quits on my Smartphone and social media for the whole month of December and maybe even beyond.
Cal Newport sold me within thirty pages of his book, citing all the ways Smartphones have been developed to keep us glued to our screens for one simple reason: it makes more money. He talks about the dopamine hits we receive with each “like,” how one developer called the Smartphone a “slot machine,” and others admitted developers exploit our basic human need for social approval.
Bill Maher joked that the App Store was coming for our soul. Newport writes, “As revealed by whistle blowers and researchers … these technologies are in many cases specifically designed to trigger this addictive behavior. Compulsive use, in this context, is not the result of a character flaw, but instead the realization of a massively profitable business plan. We didn’t sign up for the digital lives we now lead. They were instead, to a large extent, crafted in boardrooms to serve the interests of a select group of technology investors” (p. 24).
Scary.
So while I’ve taken a few measures and gone a week without my Smartphone before, I’ve never done an entire month. December seems like the perfect time to do a digital detox so I can start out 2020 with a clear head and greater focus (I’m also re-reading Essentialism, which is perfect for this time of year. Yes, Enneagram 3 here …)
I wondered if any of you would like to join me in the challenge?
Here’s what
I’m thinking for the Great December Digital Detox of 2019 (which Newport calls
“digital decluttering.” He says, “It’s a mistake to think of the digital
declutter as only a detox experience. The goal is not to simply give yourself a
break from technology, but to instead spark a permanent transformation of your
digital life” p. 70.)
Newport
recommends we:
Define our technology rules and operating instructions (any exceptions to the rules).
Take a 30-day break (ours will be 31 days).
Reintroduce technology. (This all reminds me of the Whole 30 diet…) To do this, ask yourself: a) “Does this technology directly support something that I deeply value—not just offer a benefit?” p. 75. b) Is this the best way to use technology to serve this value? c) How and when will I use it?
Defining My Technology Rules
(This is
what I’ve worked out for myself, but you may want to tweak it for yourself)
NON-NEGOTIABLE:
Clear off all the apps from my phone that I don’t absolutely need (yes, that means Instagram..). Continue to use the app Block Site that will block apps and even my internet browser. Only my husband knows the password. I’m essentially “dumbing down” my phone to only text, make calls, use GPS, and have any other business-related apps.
Block social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest) on my computer. I think Block Site will also work for this. (I’ve also heard good things about Freedom, but I think you need to pay for that one.) Perhaps I’ll set up my private messages so that people get an “out of office” sort of message.
NEGOTIABLE:
News. Newport suggests just checking a curated list of articles like allsides.com or listening to a news round-up podcast like Up First by NPR (13 or 14 minutes)
Email. I can’t not check email, but I probably don’t need to check it twenty-eight times a day. I need to come up with specific times of day I will check email—probably morning, noonish, and once in the evening.
Podcasts, music, audio books. One of Newport’s chapters is about solitude and how some of the most important ideas are borne out of great swaths of time and silence to reflect (his other book Deep Work goes into greater detail about this). I tend to fill every quiet moment with someone else’s ideas, so I think I’ll take the month off of podcasts and audio books (or think of specific situations when I can listen—like when I’m cleaning toilets or something). Not sure yet about music since I do enjoy Christmas music … need some parameters for this.
Texting, Voxer, What’s App, Marco Polo, Snapchat and Facebook Messenger. Newport isn’t a fan of these because it means we’re on call at all times. He mentioned a service where you can consolidate your text messages and just check them once or twice a day. I think I’ll minimize down to texting and calling only during the month.
Camera. I could be wrong, but I’m guessing I probably don’t need to take 100 pictures a day that I never use for any good purpose. I still have a point-and-shoot camera, so I may just use that for the month and see what happens.
T.V. This was more of a distraction for me when I was single and living alone and would binge-watch Alias until 3 am. Now that I’m married with small children, I’m lucky if I watch one 42-minute show a week with my husband—and that’s mainly just so we can fold clothes. I’ll keep this (plus I’ll want to watch some Christmas movies).
Leisure Time
(What’s that?) Newport says we need to enter the month with a plan for how we’ll fill the extra time we find ourselves with. I hope to read more, play more, and talk to actual people instead of just sending messages across oceans and states. It might also be a good time to do some Advent reading, spend more time praying, and go on more walks.
That’s my plan. The book Digital Minimalism has a ton more ideas on how to actually do this, so I recommend reading or listening to it in advance!
I’ve started detoxing a bit and am already feeling less anxious and more peaceful. It’s definitely time to do this.
Join me? If you want to, send me an email at scraping raisins @ gmail (dot) com to let me know you’re in for the Great December Digital Detox of 2019.
I have a confession to make: I hate shopping. But when I can A) shop from the comfort of my own home, B) have access to a curated list of beautiful goods, C) know that my dollars contribute to the well-being of the artisans and their families, and D) enjoy a discount, then I am more on board with shopping.
As in the past couple years, the difference between this list and other lists you may come across is that I aim to keep each gift below $50.00, since that’s generally my budget for Christmas gifts. Not only have I added a few more companies and individual artists to the list, but nearly two dozen offered discounts to Scraping Raisins readers this year!
Please share this post with your friends and family so that more people have the chance to enjoy these discount codes and spread the word about these incredible artists and companies!
From their site: “We’ve been working on the ground with our artisans in Gonaives, Haiti for 8 years, creating recycled, handcrafted goods for a livable wage. Last year our impact enabled over 108 children to stay in school, not because of hand-outs, but through the dignity of their parents’ work with 2nd Story Goods.” My pick is this leather bottle holder for $22.00:
PROMOTES: green business practices and diverse books
From the site: “From sustainably sourced paper to vegetable-based ink, the materials that make up our books are ones that you can feel good about having in your classroom or home. Whether it’s donating Barefoot books to Marley Dias’ #1000BlackGirlBooks campaign or planting trees across the globe, the Barefoot family is taking action to make an impact every day.” My pick is this World Atlas for $19.99:
DISCOUNT: Enter “ScrapingRaisins” for 15% off until December 31st! Also, everything in the store (except gift cards) will be 20% off on Saturday, Nov 16th only!
Dignify helps women experience and share hospitality with their one-of-a-kind kantha blankets, sustainably made with dignity by vulnerable populations of women in Bangladesh. My pick would be these stockings for $28.00:
From their site: “Divine Chocolate is co-owned by the 85,000 farmer members of Kuapa Kokoo, the cooperative in Ghana that supplies the cocoa for each bar of Divine. As owners, they get a share in the profits, a say in the company, and a voice in the global marketplace.” This 10-pack for $35.90. These would make great stocking stuffers!
SELLS: jewelry, accessories, women’s clothing, and gifts for men
From their site: “Do Good Shop runs like a business, but is actually a nonprofit organization. This means that not only does each purchase create jobs for vulnerable artisans, but also ALL of our net proceeds go directly back into supporting the artisans and their communities, and educating others about this great need.” My pick is this journal for $15:
EMPOWERS: women coming out of sex trafficking in Nepal
DISCOUNT: 20% off using the code “ScrapingRaisins” until Dec. 25th!
From their site: “We dream to expand from one sewing center to several to provide more jobs. The waiting list is between 300-500 women who desire to work for Elegantees …The designs are ethically made by women (and some men too) who are paid fair wages. Fabric is sustainable using organic cotton in new fabrics we dye. We also source from dead stock fabric for non-organic blends.” My pick is this top for $44.00 ( my mom bought be a shirt from Elegantees last year and I LOVE it!)
DISCOUNT: Buy one pair, get the second pair at 50% off using the code “SCRAPINGRAISINS”
From their site: “Every time you purchase Fazl, you are helping to provide orphaned and destitute children in India with food, shelter, education, and clothing. What’s more, we give fair wages to artisans in need who handmake every Fazl item. We are committed to supporting orphanages in India that care for vulnerable children, and we dedicate 50% of our net profits to this cause. We also provide dignified work opportunities for women in need. Bonus! Our products are fabulous! ” My pick is these socks for $24.00:
From the site: “100% of our profits go to enriching the lives of vulnerable and/or orphaned children. When you buy one bag of coffee $4 (our profit) goes to enrich the lives of vulnerable and orphaned children.”
The Gobena Coffee Club is their subscription coffee service and you get discounted coffee when you sign up for this option that includes free shipping! It would make an excellent gift for a coffee lover;-) My pick would be this Ethiopian coffee for $15.99:
DISCOUNT CODE: 15% off using the code “ScrapingRaisins” until Dec. 31st!
Grain of Rice Project empowers Kenyans living in the Kibera slum by helping them become self-sufficient through employment, education, and skills training. My pick would be these paper bead hoop earrings for $12.00:
PROMOTES: Local manufacturing using recycled materials
DISCOUNT: 20% off using the code “ScrapingRaisins” (minimum order of $20) until 12/15/19
This site has a wide range of toys for children. From their site: “From our 100% recycled materials to our US-based manufacturing, we’re raising awareness about sustainability while delivering unquestionably safe products.” This car carrier for $24.99:
EMPOWERS: Trafficking survivors in Cambodia, disadvantaged in Haiti, and those coming out of homelessness in Pennsylvania
SELLS: clothing, men and women’s aprons, bags, and even dress shirts and neckties for men! (It is very difficult to find reasonably-priced, ethical clothing for men.)
DISCOUNT: 20% off Nov. 15-Dec. 15, 2019 using the code “ScrapingRaisins”
Imagine Goods empowers trafficking survivors in Cambodia and vulnerable in the Haiti to provide opportunities for empowerment through employment. They also lead trips abroad for people to learn about poverty and the garment industry. I bought some wristlets last year for my nieces and adore them. I still do:-) I love this one for $25.00:
EMPOWERS: famers in South and Central America, Africa, and Southeast Asia
From their site: “Just Coffee is a certified B Corp. B Corp certification gives us a credible third party certification to ensure that our practices meet our mission and values– it vouches for us that we are a business that aims to be a force for good in the world. It looks at our commitment to environmental sustainability, being good partners to our suppliers, a good place to work for our employees, and a good neighbor our communities.” My pick is this coffee for $15.00:
EMPOWERS: men and women coming out of the sex trafficking industry in Texas
SELLS: T-shirts, jewelry, prints, candles
From their site: “We visit strip clubs cross Texas, build relationships with club employees without strings attached, and connect them to community and spiritual resources. For those desiring to transition from the industry, we offer various programs to assist their journey. We also work with “Johns” who have been caught up in prostitution through our Stop Demand School. We stand against exploitation from materials to manufacturing while creating avenues of opportunity.” Their site is a little tricky, so click on the menu (three lines) and use the sidebar to view all their products. They have shirts with messages like: “The kingdom of God smells like cigarettes and perfume: Jesus Said Love.”
DISCOUNT: Meenal is offering 15% for orders of $50 or more from Nov. 25 to Dec. 3. She also offers free standard shipping within the U.S. for orders of $35 and up.
I discovered Meenal’s work at an online popup shop and fell in love. She is a talented illustrator, children’s book author, designer and artist. I adore this one for $26.00:
DISCOUNT: Get the first month of their Mighty Fix monthly subscription for $3.00 (usually $11.00) using the code “ScrapingRaisins3”–this would make a great gift! They’ll send you things each month to promote green living like reusable snack bags, bags to buy in bulk, Swedish dish cloths, or dryer balls to use instead of dryer sheets).
From the site: “Mighty Nest is a unique Web site that provides you the ability to research, get advice and buy natural, organic and non-toxic products all in one place. All of the products we sell are free from known toxic ingredients such as: BPA, PVC, Phthalates, Lead, Melamine, Formaldehyde, Flame retardants, Parabens and more.”
DISCOUNT: 20% off until Dec. 24th using the code “ScrapingRaisins”
Papillon Marketplace provides jobs for Haitians and trains individuals to use metal, cardboard, aluminum, dirt, and paper to create jewelry and other products. My pick is these mugs (Papillon donated some for pre-order bonuses for my book and the are PERFECT–great color, shape, handle, and mug size). They’re $22.00 each and have a wide variety of color options:
This etsy shop belongs to an artist friend from college named Katie Coons. Inspired by her love of nature, Katie creates gorgeous pieces of jewelry. My pick would be this moon over mountain pendant for $10.00:
EMPOWERS: Refugees in Iraq, Syria, Libya, and the U.S.
SELLS: soap, candles, services/items for refugees
DISCOUNT: 20% off using the code “ScrapingRaisins” (applies to all individual soaps and 5 bar sets in the store)
I met the CEO and founder of this organization three summers ago at a conference. This is an incredible organization, and this site is just one small part of what they are doing. In addition to soap and candles, you can buy chickens for a displaced family, medical treatment for a war survivor or water for families in conflict zones in Iraq. This is their mission: “We’re a coalition stretching across Iraq, Syria, the United States, and beyond, working together to unmake violence and create the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible.” I gave some of these $10 soaps for stocking stuffers for my mom and nieces one Christmas. My pick is this Sisterhood Soap, Fig & Date Tea Towel Set for $30.00:
EMPOWERS: women and girls escaping human trafficking in Mumbai, India; Kampala, Uganda; Tijuana, Mexico; and two in Orange County, California.
SELLS: jewelry, candles, ornaments
DISCOUNT: 10% off using the code “ScrapingRaisins10” [on November 26th, for Ethical Tuesday, they are offering 15% off using the code “ethical15”]
From their site: ” International Sanctuary and PURPOSE Jewelry’s mission is to empower girls and young women escaping human trafficking to embrace their true identity and worth. The art of craftsmanship through our social enterprise, PURPOSE, paired with holistic care through our program, International Sanctuary, ensures that every woman gains hope, dignity and freedom for the future. ” My pick is these lunette earrings for $24.00:
SELLS: purses, wallets, bags and journals made from upcycled materials
DISCOUNT: 10% off using the code “ScrapingRaisins”
From their site: “We engage, equip and employ refugee women in the Chicagoland area. It is our greatest desire to provide a space for refugee women to thrive as they rebuild their hopes and dreams in the United States.” My pick is these hana earrings for $28.00:
DISCOUNT: 25% off using the code “ScrapingRaisins” until Dec. 15th!
This company came highly recommended by a friend. From their site: “Located in Phnom Penh and the Saang District of Cambodia, Sak Saum is a ministry dedicated to the rescue, restoration, transformation and rehabilitation of vulnberable and exploited women and men.” My pick is this hat for $16.00:
DISCOUNT: 25% off using the code “SCRAPINGRAISINS”
Sari Bari partners with women who have chosen to empower themselves by exiting the sex trade in India by providing jobs to create beautiful products using vintage saris from Kolkata’s largest red light district. *This company came highly recommended by my friend living in India. ” My pick is these six dinner napkins for $42:
Serrv
EMPOWERS: Various artisans around the world
SELLS: just about anything
From their site: “One of the first fair trade organizations in the world, Serrv International began its mission by helping displaced European refugees trade their handcrafts for income after the Second World War. Since then, we’ve extended our reach to 25 countries worldwide, working to empower over 8,000 artisans and farmers every year by selling their beautiful handcrafts. ” They have some really cool nativity sets here. I love this West Bank dipping bowl set for $32.00:
From their site: “Every product sold on The Shop Forward follows our mission of supporting programs and organizations that are effectively working to help others around the world.. Since launching in November 2014, The Shop Forward has raised over $3,100,000 for various charities by selling items associated with a cause. Our goal is to provide a platform to collaborate with charities for fundraising and spreading awareness while offering great, unique, and ethically made products for customers to enjoy.” My pick would be this custom 4-things tote (takes up to 3 weeks, so plan ahead!)
From their site: “Each time you shop at soaphope.com, 100% of the profits – yes, every dollar – goes to empower women to lift their lives, families, and communities from extreme poverty. We select partners each year based on need and outcomes.” My pick would be these soaps for $10.49:
From the site: “We provide a sustainable hourly wage, an opportunity to build a job history and a resume, as well as work making quality products the ladies can be proud of. We use organic, fair trade ingredients in the manufacturing of our products to ensure that they are the most natural and socially conscious that they can be. We want to make sure that as we seek to provide freedom for the women we employ, we will not be oppressing any others!” This orange mint bath set for $42.00 might make a great gift for a female teacher, or a mother, sister, friend, etc.:
DISCOUNT: 25% off using the code “SCRAPINGRAISINS. (Excludes the Darling and Dressember collaboration pieces and sale items.)
This company provides shelter, counseling, employment and education to women coming out of trafficking in Asia. From their site: “We provide life-changing opportunities through our Holistic Care Programs and our social enterprise where women create beautiful jewelry and become managers, accountants, graphic designers, and photographers.” My pick is this rose gold star-shaped bracelet for $44.99:
EMPOWERS: Formerly prostituted women in El Alto, Bolivia
SELLS: apparel, leather bags, accessories
DISCOUNT: Use code “ScrapingRaisins20%” for 20% off until December 31st!
From their site: “SutiSana was founded by Word Made Flesh in 2010 to provide dignified employment and a new life for women attempting to leave prostitution in El Alto, Bolivia …Word Made Flesh coordinates sewing training for women to prepare them to work in SutiSana. When a woman joins SutiSana, she receives all the benefits, including health insurance. She and her children are supported through community, and she is given opportunities to continually grow – learning to design bags, work with new materials, and even coach other women as they leave prostitution.” My pick for a guy is this dopp kit (why did I always think it was “dob kit!?”) for $45.00:
From their site: “Thistle Farms’ mission is to HEAL, EMPOWER, AND EMPLOY women survivors of trafficking, prostitution, and addiction. We do this by providing safe and supportive housing, the opportunity for economic independence, and a strong community of advocates and partners.” First of all, this lip gloss is amazing--buy it right now as stocking stuffers for anyone you love ($4.00 each–comes in tea tree mint, lavender, citrus wood, and no scent–I like them all!)
DISCOUNT: 20% off Nov. 15-Dec. 15 using the code “SCRAPINGRAISINS” (does not include the holiday collection)
The White Peacock empowers Indian women to work at home and support their families through creative design, crafting, and marketing handmade items. *Recommended by my friend living in India. I’m a fan of these luggage tags for $4.99 each:
EMPOWERS: Disadvantaged women in the Denver, CO, area
SELLS: dried soups, cornbread, brownies and other food
DISCOUNT: 20% off until Dec. 15 using the code “ScrapingRaisins” (can’t be used in conjunction with other discounts, on sale items, or for donations)
From the site: “We hire women who are chronically unemployed and we teach them to work by making nourishing products that we sell across the US through some of the country’s largest retailers. We offer a transitional job in dry food manufacturing designed to provide women immediate income, arrange support services to overcome barriers to employment, and teach the job readiness and life skills needed to get and keep a job. Through their work at the Bean Project, the women learn to stand tall, find their purpose and break the cycle of poverty. Because when you change a woman’s life, you change her family’s life.”
SELLS: tablecloths, aprons, pillow covers, bags, holiday decorations, and more
DISCOUNT CODE: 25% off from Nov. 15 to Dec. 15 using the code “ScrapingRaisins”
Ziyada provides meaningful employment in a safe, loving environment for twenty-two women (and two men) in an impoverished area of North India. *Recommended by my friend living in India. I love this canvas tote bag for $18.00:
Other Incredible Ethical Companies:
These companies are partnering with many different artisans and/or fair trade businesses around the world to provide quality products to empower men and women around the globe:
Please leave links to other ethical sites you love. There were so many more that I couldn’t include. And share this post to spread the word on these amazing companies!
Sign up for the monthly-ish newsletter and I’ll send you chapter 1 of Invited: The Power of Hospitality in an Age of Loneliness:
Although it can be difficult to pinpoint my exact “moment of salvation” on a timeline, if I go by that day as a ten-year-old when I knelt by my bed, asked Jesus to forgive me of my sins, and offered my life to God, I’d say I’ve been a Christian for thirty years now.
But just as you often hear of martial problems popping up around the twenty, thirty, or forty-year marks, the past couple years of walking with Jesus have been the hardest—mainly because he’s been the most silent. (Or perhaps because I’ve been the most distracted.) But I’ve also felt distant from God as I’ve ogled the shenanigans of the Western Christian church in the news more often than I’ve sat at the feet of Jesus. I’ve been ashamed to be a Christian because the church often looks so different from the Jesus I thought I knew.
So when I picked up Liz Ditty’s book, I’m embarrassed to confess that I didn’t have any expectations of meeting God within the pages. I should have known that with a book called God’s Many Voices: Learning to Listen, Expectant to Hear, God just might have something to say.
I read almost the entire book in one sitting this past weekend during a getaway with my husband. Like the nerds we are, we sat reading for hours in the loft at my parents’ house in the Rocky Mountains, keeping an eye out for the herd of elk wintering at their home in Grand Lake, Colorado. I kept giving my husband the side-eye, wondering if he saw the occasional tear fall or if he was getting annoyed by my furious underlining or vocal responses of “yes” and “hm” as I read.
Even though I think Liz and I are about the same age, as I read, I felt like the author was a trusted older sister sharing her life with me and giving me a peek behind the veil to learn from her relationship with God. Through wise, open, and honest personal stories, Liz neatly unzipped the truths of the Bible in ways I hadn’t considered before. She made me envious of her relationship with Jesus in the best sense of the word—she made me yearn for that kind of relationship myself.
After finishing the book, I feel inspired to spend time with God again on a daily basis. And I want to talk about God again in community with my husband, children, and friends. Liz discusses Bible reading, prayer, and listening in such a compelling way that it made me want to wake up early and begin seeking God like I have in the past. Her writing is clear, beautiful, and winsome, but she also manages to offer plenty of practical tips and ideas for pursuing and listening for the voice of God in our daily lives.
If you are in a wilderness season, a silent stretch, or have hit an apathetic patch in your relationship with God, this book may be just what you need to remind you of the joy, peace, and delight that comes from a thriving relationship with God. As a spiritual guide, mentor, and teacher, Liz will lead you straight to Jesus himself and remind you how to commune with him again.
***
I finally bought this book when I noticed it was super cheap on Amazon--$7.58 down from $16.99! I noticed she also has an audio book. If I were you, I’d pick up several copies of God’s Many Voices to give as Christmas gifts! (And if you do buy it, would you be willing to leave an honest review on Goodreads, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon? This helps authors more than you know!)
When I launched my book, my platform was small: I had about five hundred followers on each social media platform, including my email list. I needed help.
My launch team spread the word about my book to their virtual and real life friends and churches. They asked their libraries and local independent bookstores to order my book. They pre-ordered, did giveaways of my book on their blogs (I offered twenty-five of my author copies to them for this purpose), and they recommended me to podcasts.
But more than all that, they rallied around me and reminded me I was not alone in launching my book into the world. They gave me confidence, encouragement, and believed my book would and could make a difference in neighborhoods and communities. They were my people.
This was not the only thing I did to launch my book (you can see the rest of my book launch plan here), but I do think the team was an essential component during the weeks leading up to my book release and after.
I have only launched one book into the world (so far), but I’ve been a member of at least a dozen teams. Here is everything I know about launch teams to get you started on this new endeavor. Best of luck!
Launch Team Tips:
Ask an enthusiastic friend to help you lead it. My friend Annie Rim did this for me and was amazing. Some people, like Anna LeBaron and Amy Oden, do this for pay. If you can, find a friend who is savvy on social media and not afraid to lead a group, and ask them to spearhead your group for you. This way it doesn’t feel so smarmy and like you as the author is constantly asking people to share about you.
Begin early. I started my team eight weeks before my book launched. I was afraid my group would lose momentum, but since I only had digital copies available, it took awhile to work out some of the kinks in downloading my book. And by the time my book released, they had plastered it all over social media for weeks and weeks.
Focus on Goodreads. Encourage your team to share their reviews on Goodreads as soon as they complete the book. This makes it very easy for them to copy and paste the reviews on Amazon on launch day.
Create forms for people to sign up for your launch team using Google Forms. It’s free and easy. Don’t forget to collect email addresses and add them to your mailing list (you can upload them from the spreadsheet you generate from your google form).
Do weekly Facebook Lives. Even if you hate yourself on video (which is ME–I loathe myself on video), do a weekly Facebook live. These weekly FB lives were always a technological disaster for me, but I think they helped me and my launch team to bond over the weeks. I usually asked them if they had questions ahead of time, but also had a mini-agenda.
Find fans, not other writer friends. I recruited my launch team from Instagram, Facebook, the writing groups I’m a part of, other Facebook groups (i.e. Sorta Awesome hangout), Twitter, and my email list. I didn’t require them to purchase the book or have a certain number of followers. Anyone could join. I had 206 sign up and about 160 ended up joining the Facebook group.
Think about doing a pre-order bonus. I did this, but I’m still not sure how effective it was. I figured it couldn’t hurt! I also added these emails to my newsletter list, so it helped my list to grow.
Offer the launch team tasks via email AND Facebook. I emailed my group every Monday with some specific tasks (below). Annie shared them in the Facebook group.
Make sharing easy for your team. Provide images, memes, and lots of photos of your book for them to share. These can also be stored in the “files” or “photos” section of your FB group.
Be sure to foster community within your group. I asked my group to share about themselves and their businesses, books, blogs, podcasts, or artwork as well. And be engaged–reply to your launch team when they ask you questions! Facebook favors engagement.
Have your group follow your book’s hashtag. This seemed to be the most useful on Instagram, but if they followed the #InvitedBook hashtag, then it was easy for them to like and comment on one another’s posts about the book.
Launch Team Checklist
This is a list we shared with my launch team and kept it handy in the “files” section. I also emailed it out and posted it within the Facebook group.
DOWNLOAD: Download/read the book
JOIN: Join the Facebook group and introduce yourself! (Set notifications to “all posts” and check out the “files” section for lots of useful info.)
PRE-ORDER: Pre-order the book. Here are some reasons why:
Pre-orders help with Amazon algorithms and will put the book in front of more eyes in the days to come.
Pre-ordering a book locks you into the lowest price (you won’t be charged until the book actually ships).
Pre-orders ensure that Amazon will have enough books in stock after the book releases.
Pre-orders convince bookstores that enough people are interested in the book to make it worth their while to purchase it.
You will be eligible for some bonuses only available to those who pre-order the book.
If you’re a blogger, consider using the pre-order as a giveaway on your blog or on social media to grow your email list or blog subscribers. For the rest of you, you’ll have a copy to share with your friends, family, or church who might be interested in discussing the book. Leslie won’t be offended if you want to give away her book;-) Here’s a useful article that explains more about why pre-orders are important.
4. SPREAD THE WORD: Share about the pre-order bonuses wherever you are active on social media. Be sure to tag Leslie and use the #InvitedBook hashtag any time you share about the book. If you’ve already started reading and are enjoying the book, then tell your followers that (if you say you like a book, people WILL buy it!)
5. GOODREADS: Log in to Goodreads (or open a free account) and mark the book as “want to read” or “currently reading” (small box below the image of the book). Goodreads has over 65,000,000 members. It’s the world’s largest site for readers and book recommendations (so it’s a big deal to have some reviews on there!). Go ahead and writer your review as soon as you finish reading the book (see #12 for more on that)!
6. SOCIAL MEDIA: Follow the author on all social media channels, then “follow” the hashtag #Book on any social media where you hang out (especially Instagram). (add links to social media)
7. READ: Aim to finish reading by ____ if you can so we can start discussing in the FB group!
8. SHARE: Highlight parts of the book you like as you read and share short quotes on social media. Tag the author on social media and use the book’s hashtag. When you see posts related to this hashtag in the future, like, comment, and share them. Check to see if she’s posted anything related to Invited and “like” and share those posts! Feel free to make your own memes at Canva or use some provided in the file on the Facebook page. You can also find premade tweets in both of those places. If you are a blogger, consider writing a review of the book on your site, or sharing one of the posts or interviews in the “files” section of the FB group (coming soon!)
9. REQUEST: Did you know you can ask your local library, church library, and independent bookstores to order books? You can! 😉
10. ORDER: Call or visit your local bookstore or church library and ask them to order the book. Be sure to have the full book title and ISBN # in front of you (Invited: The Power of Hospitality in an Age of Loneliness by Leslie Verner ISBN# 978-1513804330). For your library, all you need to do is fill out an online form and they’ll likely be able to order the book!
11. RECOMMEND: Can you think of any podcasts, newspapers, blogs, church groups, conferences, or other speaking venues you could recommend this book to? Here is the link to Leslie’s speaking page on her website.
12. REVIEW ON GOODREADS AS SOON AS YOU FINISH READING THE BOOK: Here’s how: Log in to Goodreads or start your own free account. Go to Invited in Goodreads. Once you’ve finished the book and are ready to write your review, mark Invited “Read” by using the green pull-down arrow underneath the book cover photo. Select the number of stars. When you do that, Goodreads will open up a popup box where you can write your review. (Pro Tip: write this review in Word or notes and you can use the same one on Amazon, your blog, or on social media later on!)
13. REVIEW ON AMAZON ON _____ : Set a timer on your phone or calendar so you will remember to post. We’re shooting for fifty reviews (there are 200 people in this launch team, so we think this is a realistic goal!). When you write, use the author’s last name or “the author,” not “my college roommate” or “my best friend” 😉 You can copy and paste the same review you used on Goodreads or on your blog. This is a helpful article about writing Amazon reviews.
14. TELL: Tell your friends about the book—word of mouth is still the best way to share about books!
Thank you so much for your help! We’re so grateful for your enthusiasm and support.
Additional Resources:
How to Create a Launch Team (Ep. 157) Create If Writing Podcast. I like how the host of this podcasts advocates for doing two kinds of teams–an ARC team and a launch team. In my writer groups, I asked if anyone would like a copy of my book for review. My publisher allowed me to buy ARCS of my book, so I offered these to my writer friends who I knew couldn’t commit to my launch team.
In August of 2019 I published my first book, called Invited: The Power of Hospitality in an Age of Loneliness, with a small, but professional publisher. They were able to get my book in a few magazine ads and sent it in to be reviewed by Publisher’s Weekly and some other well-known publications, which was a huge help. But other than that, I’ve had to do much of the marketing on my own.
I have a tiny platform, but I’ve been able to sell books despite not having a ton of followers. I’ve participated in over a dozen launch teams myself, read books, and binge-listened to hundreds of hours of podcasts relating to book marketing. To save you some time, here is what I’ve learned about launching a book into the world:
Pre-Launch Ideas
RECRUIT A LAUNCH TEAM: Check out this separate post about leading a launch team.
PUBLISH ARTICLES: Pre-write articles and submit to online publications or arrange to guest post on friends’ blogs. Time them so they will be published around the time of your book launch. I was able to use some parts of my book that I cut out during revisions. Sometimes it helps to offer a copy of your book as a giveaway.
SET UP SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS: Because I still have little kids at home, I can’t travel too far from home (not to mention the financial implications of doing that). Because of this, I contacted all the MOPS groups in my area since I could put my kids in childcare for free, get paid (in some cases), share my message, and sell my book afterward. I ordered a free Square so I could take credit cards. Even though they charge 2.7%, it’s worked really well so far! Venmo is also a good option because they don’t charge a fee for using it. I also bought these clipboards to pass around with email sign-ups and these book stands to display my book when I sell it after events.
Think about places your readers hang out–do you need to speak at churches, conferences, retreats, or community venues? Be creative and make a list of all the places you could speak. I also plan to set up a few speaking engagements at our public library. To prepare to speak, I read the book Resonate and Talk Like TED as a crash course.
BUILD YOUR EMAIL LIST: If there’s anything I’ve heard repeatedly over the last few years of learning about marketing, it’s this: “Build your email list first and focus less on all your other social media.” You can’t control the algorithms of Facebook or Instagram, but if you have an email list, it’s all in your control (now controlling whether your emails actually get opened or not is another story…).
There are many ways to do this, but a few are:
1. Have a lead magnet (on my site, I now offer chapter one of my book, but before I came out with a book I offered a list of hospitality resources).
2. Have people enter giveaways on other social media by signing up for your newsletter. (Also, give away something people actually WANT.)
3. Have a squeeze page on your site (a page where they have to enter their email to continue on your site–I don’t have this yet.)
4. When you speak places, always pass around a sign up sheet (don’t just put it up front–pass it around on a clipboard).
BE A GUEST ON PODCASTS: Try to get on as many podcasts as possible. This is free publicity without leaving your home. Most podcasters are working from inside their closets, so all you need is a computer and some headphones.
Setting up different podcasts has been challenging, but over a year ago, I started following many podcasts on Instagram. If an author with a book similar to mine was on a podcast, I started following that podcast. Now, when the podcast pops up in my feed, I hit the message button on Instagram and ask them if they’d like to have me as a guest on their show. I kind of hate doing this, but the worst that can happen is that they say no. In some cases, they’ve said no, but they’re willing to do a giveaway of my book. This article was helpful as I prepared for interviews: How to Give a Great Radio [or Podcast] Interview by Amy Boucher Pye.
USE YOUR ARCS WISELY: Find out how many advance reader copies (ARCS) your publisher is willing to give you–then ask for more. I mailed ARCS to writer friends, other influencers, or podcasts who wanted to have me as a guest.
I was with a small publisher, so I ended up buying my ARCS for $4.50 each (plus shipping). For this reason, my six-year-old started walking around saying “You have spend money to make money.” When you become an author, you become a small business owner with a product to sell. Often we have to invest before we see any profit.
ORDER ENVELOPES: Buy these envelopes so you’re ready to mail out ARCS and final copies. I probably gave away two hundred hard copies of my book for free. Don’t forget to use media mail! For me, each mailing coast $2.75 per book. Also grab a pack of thank you notes!
LOOK FOR PARTNERSHIPS: Partner with other authors or bloggers and offer them your book as a giveaway on their sites or newsletters. You could also partner with small businesses that might have an interest in your book and be willing to donate items to your followers. Give away other books or products on your blog or social media and ask them to sign up for your newsletter to enter the contest (you’ll continue mentioning your book to your newsletter list …).
GET ON THE PHONE: I know, I hate doing this , too. But it was actually more encouraging than I expected. Ask local bookstores and churches with bookstores in your state to order your book. Many bookstores like promoting local authors. Be sure to stop by and say hi when you’re in their neighborhood. When you call, just say, “Hey! I’m a local author. I wondered if you’d be able to order my book for your store.” They’ll usually connect you with the right person and most will ask you some questions about your book, so be ready with your elevator pitch.
CONSIDER HIRING A PUBLICIST: I did hire a publicist to do a modified campaign for me and we did a mailing to about fifty of her contacts who were mainly in radio. I paid one-fourth of what she usually charges for a full campaign, but she was able to book me a few very high-profile radio shows that were broadcast all over the nation. I put the publicist I hired in touch with my publicist at my publisher so they weren’t contacting the same people. (I was nervous about this, but my publisher didn’t seem to have a problem with me hiring extra help.)
Launch Ideas (Week Of Release)
HOST A LAUNCH PARTY: I did this locally and invited everyone I know. I hired a friend to play his cello, recruited friends to pass out tickets for door prizes, help me sell books, keep an eye on the food table, and make sure the kid area wasn’t in shambles. We had about 60 people and it was a blast. This post by Emily P. Freeman was helpful as I thought through what kind of party I wanted to have (though mine was very different from hers): I Finally Figured Out How to Have a Book Launch Party.
BOOK SIGNINGS: I called or emailed to set up three book signings at local independent bookstores which ranged from hugely successful to utter failure. Check out some great resources about doing signings here: Book Signing Tips for Authors.
One bookstore ordered the book ahead of time and I sold exactly ZERO books. With the other two, we negotiated and they paid me after the books were sold (at one, I got 60 percent of the book–so about $10.00 after paying my publisher $8.50 for it–$1.50 per book. I sold three books. At the other, we split the profit 50/50, so I got to take home $4.00 per book and I sold twenty-two books. Read my post about doing book signings … we don’t do book signings for the money!)
HOST GIVEAWAYS: Give away your book, but also other books or items to your followers. Be helpful to other writers who are also trying to spread the word about their work (maybe try some cross-promotion via social media or newsletter lists.)
STAY VISIBLE: I think it was Emily Freeman who said she likes to keep her book in the top nine images in her Instagram feed. Don’t stop mentioning your book, but don’t mention it all the time, either. Send monthly newsletters with helpful ideas and info for your readers.
KEEP SPEAKING, PITCHING, WRITING: I’m only two months out and I’m already tired. But I’m told the hustle must continue for many more months. (The good news is that my publisher said to keep doing what I’m doing, because it’s working! They sold through most of the first-year projections for my book in the first month.)
I think of this entire process as scattering seeds. Some books will languish on shelves, some will take root, and others will multiply. My job is to send more books out into the world, let them do as they will, and allow the wind of the Spirit take care of the rest.
Other Helpful Resources:
Book Launch Show by Tim Grahl and the Novel Marketing Podcast with Thomas Umstattd Jr. and James L. Rubart are podcasts that elaborate on all of the ideas I mentioned above. I binge-listened in the months before my book released.
Your First 1000 Copies by Tim Grahl is a very helpful book that helps frame your book launch as a long-term endeavor.
Remember that if you’re not excited about your book, why should anyone else be? Your book is not YOU, it’s your gift to the world, so it’s worth spreading the word about it!
The bookstore manager, Pam, takes me behind the desk to the backroom of Macdonald Book Shop in Estes Park, Colorado. I plop my bags on a table in a snug break room. One door leads to a bathroom.
“The lock doesn’t work, so be sure to knock first. Then leave the door ajar when you go out so we know it’s available,” Pam tells me.
Another doorway leads to a tiny office with a desk facing a window. The owner, Paula, is an elderly woman with a warm smile and curved upper spine. Later in the afternoon, I’ll see her sitting at this desk and imagine she’s ordering books for customers; or perusing reviews online to determine which books will sell to tourists and her loyal customers.
Pam steers me out another door to a room in the bookstore with a worn brown leather chair Pam calls “Grandpa’s chair” in front of a fireplace. A table is next to the chair, with a small poster of my book cover announcing the book signing today from 2 to 4 pm. I’ll sit in Grandpa’s chair between the kid’s book section and the Colorado and Native American book section, which is rather large for a bookstore of this size. Later, another worker, Sally, will tell me she works at the Native American museum in Arizona, and I wonder if she’s responsible for this sizable selection.
I scribble a nametag that I brought for myself: “Local Author Leslie Verner” and stick it to my dress, then hide my pen and post-it notes behind the display. I prop my clipboard with a sign-up for my newsletter on the floor next to the table and wonder if I should sit, stand, or chase down customers to talk about my book (as Pam suggested).
This is my first book signing for my first book. I’m giddy. Writer friends had advised me to avoid scheduling book signings because they’re awkward, not profitable, and are time consuming. But independent bookstores have my heart. If my husband and I travel to a new town, the first thing we do is identify the coffee shops and independent bookstores. We wander to our respective genres: him, to the sci-fi, fantasy, and nature writing aisles; me, to the poetry, essay, and writing sections. If we have our kids with us, we take turns waiting with them in the kid section and rotate after some minutes so we can browse kid-less.
It’s a Friday and overcast, a rarity for the end of August in Colorado. The crowds of tourists have thinned since I stopped by just two weeks before to drop off some posters and copies of my book. Kids have returned to school and summer is quickly melding into fall.
Settling into Grandpa’s chair, I wonder if anyone will stop by at all.
I had contacted the local newspaper to alert them of my signing. Later, Pam will send me a clip of the article—a write up from my Goodreads description of my book, a headshot, and my book cover—vibrant even in newsprint. All three book sales today will result from local residents reading this article and stopping by to meet me and have me sign the book they buy.
What I sacrifice in time and actual sales, I make up for in conversation. I talk to Sally, the employee who volunteers at the museum in Arizona. She’s worked here every summer for over twenty years. I ask her if she reads a ton and she answers, “I try to. But at my age, I’ve decided to only read non-fiction.” I nod, thinking of the truth embedded even in the fiction books I read, but choose not to disagree. I ask her if she’s read any Joan Chittister and tell her I’m reading The Gift of Years, a book on aging. She smiles, “I think I understand aging pretty well.” I wonder how old she is. Seventy? Seventy-five? I have no idea, but I wonder if I’ll be more choosy with my books as I age, knowing my time is limited.
I talk to a mother and daughter for a long time about transition, finding friends, and community—they are dropping her off at college in Boulder. They seem excited about my book until the mother reads the back cover. I wonder if the word “Christian” in the description turns her off.
“How long’d it take you to write it?” another man asks, sauntering by as I sit in Grandpa’s chair, reading my library book in the lull.
I laugh, “Twenty years?” I say. “But from the time I started thinking about writing it to actual publication, about two years.”
A few minutes later, I see a man reading the back cover of my book at the front of the store. I hear Pam tell him the author is here if he’d like to meet her. I see him look up, then stride back to meet me. I stand and he leans down to point at my book on the table, flipping it to the back. “You say here this book is about ‘holy hospitality’ and ‘how hospitality is at the heart of Christian community,’ but when I read about Christians in the news …” he drops off.
I know what he’s going to say. He starts again, “I grew up kind of going to church, but it seems to me the church isn’t doing what it should be doing.” I didn’t disagree. I told him my book was less of a commentary on the church at large, and more of a consideration of small pivots of faith to follow Jesus and love people around us.
Later, Paula writes me a check in the backroom for the five books I had sold–three today and two of the ones on display in the previous weeks–and three more to keep in the shop ($12 total profit for eight books after subtracting what I paid my publisher for the copies). Pam helps me gather the remaining books and we talk about my conversation with this man.
“I kind of overheard it, but didn’t hear all of it,” Pam says. I tell them I had forgotten the word “Christian” was even on the back of my book and was taken off guard.
“I wish the publisher hadn’t used that word,” I say. “It’s such a trigger word for people in our society.” The women agree. Sadly, the word “Christian” often carries a negative connotation for people today.
Afterward, I order a vanilla latte (using nearly half my profit) at Inkwell and Brew, a coffeeshop behind Macdonald Bookshop, and settle into a small booth overlooking the river glimmering through downtown Estes.
I had about seven long conversations on friendship, community, isolation, and the state of Christianity in the world. I advertised my book in the local newspaper and had my book on display in the window of an indie bookstore I’ve visited many times over the years. The booksellers handed out my bookmarks to local residents stopping by to pick up the books they had ordered and random tourists buying the latest bestsellers. Pam put up posters with my book cover around town. And in the days to come, if a customer is looking for a book on spirituality, hospitality, or community, my guess is that Sally, Pam, Paula, and the other employees will steer them to my book.
As in all aspects of the creative life, it’s best not to gauge success by dollar signs. Creators deal in a mysterious currency. Did our art act as a conduit for connection, depth, and soul? If so, I call this “success.”
My book Invited: The Power of Hospitality in an Age of Loneliness is now available where all books are sold online, but also in some brick and mortar bookstores–check your local Barnes and Noble, or support your local independent bookstore by ordering it from there! You can also order it from your local library.
SO many ways to get your hands on it! 🙂Sign up for my newsletter and I’ll send you chapter 1 for free!
I met Lisa Russell, an Enneagram coach and spiritual counselor, for drinks a few weeks ago. Before meeting, I had thought we would discuss how each Enneagram type practices hospitality.
“Why don’t we talk about how we can show hospitality to each Enneagram type instead?” she suggested, taking a sip of her drink. “That seems less self-focused and more empathetic to me.”
Lisa described the Enneagram types as differing shades on a color palatte—there can be many shades of blue, green, and grey.
We often know about ourselves, but what happens when we become students of others?
How does this transform our communication, community, and hospitality to each Enneagram type? Here are some ideas for understanding and loving individuals as we show hospitality to each Enneagram type in our life (along with a collection of quotes from some of my social media friends.)
Type 1: The Reformer (rational, idealistic, perfectionistic, principled)
According to
Lisa, this type is caught up in “holy goodness.” They believe God is good and
they want to be right. They have a strong inner influence and the mantra “am I
good enough?” often goes through their minds. Type Ones often hold themselves
to a higher standard. To welcome a One to your home, have things structured and
lined up for them.
M.W. : “Invite me into your fun. Help me play!”
Jacob Robinson: “Showing “hospitality” to a One is a tough ask because of the perfectionist standards. Thus, as a One, I don’t really need “hospitality’ but friendship.”
Annie Rim: “Having a really sweet/personal detail is the best. At dinner, a bottle of wine with a story behind it. As a house guest, a bar of soap or something thoughtful. Anytime someone has done that, I’ve felt especially seen and welcomed.”
Type 2: The Helper (caring, generous, interpersonal, possessive)
As a Type Two herself, Lisa had many thoughts about how to show hospitality to helpers. When you host, Twos are usually the first ones to offer to wash your lettuce or set the table. But sometimes what the Two needs is permission to receive instead of give. They sometimes need to be given “space and time to recharge and rejuvenate and have solitude.” They want to be able to serve out of overflow, not obligation. They want to feel loved for being, not doing.
Andi Cumbo-Floyd: “Hospitality to me is often making it known that I’m wanted just for me, not for the help I can bring.”
Abby Norman: “Either give me a task or tell me everything is taken care of.”
Tanya Marlow: “I like it when people give me quality time and we have a chat about emotions and Real Stuff. I also like it when people ask me for wisdom that will help them out, especially if they’re in crisis. “
Type 3: The Achiever (success-oriented, driven, image-conscious)
To show hospitality to a Three, Lisa advised being punctual and sticking to the set time. Threes get antsy with inefficiencies in gatherings. They appreciate being praised and affirmed for what they can bring to the table. Lisa mentioned a dinner she attended where the host prepared name cards in advance. On the back of each card, the host had written encouragement in the form of “I see this in you” for each specific person. Lisa thought the Type Three would feel especially loved by this gesture.
Sue Fulmore: “The times I have felt most seen and loved is when someone asks questions which help me get more in tune with my emotions. Those people that listen with their whole heart and seek to understand me – this is where I feel most welcome.”
Marci Yoseph: “I want you to sit with me and give me the space/time to sit and relax. If you are up doing stuff I feel obligated to be up and productive too. I need permission to just sit.”
Type 4: The Individualist (sensitive, expressive, dramatic, self-absorbed)
Type Fours “feel
all the feels.” Lisa recommended allowing Fours the space and freedom to
experience their feelings without shame. They often long for the space to
express themselves and have perhaps experienced rejection for their sensitivity.
To show hospitality to a Type Four might look like inviting them to share their
unique gifts.
F.J. : “Take time to understand me. Be happy to see me. Pursue me. No small talk—only meaningful talk.”
A.M. : “Ask me questions and listen well. Put pretty flowers in my room.”
Type 5: The Investigator (cerebral, perceptive, innovative, isolated)
Lisa said the best way to show hospitality to a Five is to give them space. They tend to be more introverted and sometimes need to isolate and cave up. They appreciate knowing what to expect in advance. They often need to get to a meeting early and observe. But just because they linger on the margins doesn’t mean they don’t want to be invited.
Adam Verner (my husband): “Hand me a good book and tell me to go into another room by myself for three hours before joining the crowd.”
M.D. : “It’s not always easy to articulate deep feelings when you live in your head 99.99% of the time. Having someone who makes it calm, safe, and ok for you to unravel yourself is critical … I need room and empathy to unravel and rewind and figure it out. I need demonstrated empathy which often can mean a strong hug and quality time or asking me specifically about how I am regarding an issue you know I’m struggling with or working through. Presence. I simply need presence.”
Type 6: The Loyalist (committed, security-oriented, responsible, anxious)
Sixes often have a million plans in order to be prepared for the worst case scenario. Lisa mentioned they have the “Mary Poppins bag” of resources “just in case.” They need reassurance that things will be okay. To show hospitality to a Type Six, offer them security, stability, and consistency by following through with promises you make.
A.S. : “Be consistent with invites to hang out. Not with an agenda, but just to chill.”
A.K. : “Consider my children’s needs too. It makes me feel like all of the bases are covered so we can relax and talk.”
Juliana Gordon: “If there is a party, make sure there is plenty of seating so I can make the crowd smaller.”
Cara Strickland: “I love it when people let me know what to expect in advance/anticipate concerns I might have.”
Type 7: The Enthusiast (busy, fun-loving, spontaneous, scattered)
Lisa
described this type as the “Joyful Epicurean.”
She said they love to go all out and indulge. They are always worried they’ll
be deprived and often suffer from FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). What Type Sevens
need from their hosts is permission to be spontaneous and fun-loving. They want
friends to join them in their joyful spontaneity.
Jamie Bagley: “Let me know it’s okay to curl up on the sofa with a blanket or prop my feet up. Also, offering me tea and talking about all things quirky or deeply philosophical is the way to my worn out heart. Cookies help, too.”
Roxanne Engstrom: “I love when families from other cultures invite me to go places with them or do things that they are doing to celebrate religious or cultural moment. And my love language is also food, lots of ethnic food.”
Type 8: The Challenger (self-confident, confrontational, decisive, willful)
Type Eights
are strong and powerful. They appreciate honesty and “have a nose to sniff out BS,”
Lisa said. They don’t like empty flattery or appreciate people gushing over
them. To show hospitality to a Type Eight might look like giving them an
opportunity to lead and make decisions. They enjoy people bringing
confrontation into the group and feel it’s live-giving.
Courtney Skiera-Vaugn: “If someone were to just take charge and allow me not to have to lead – start the convo, have coffee ready, show up and serve without me asking or even agreeing to (a dear friend did this the other day knowing I was super busy, she showed up, took my kids, loaded my dishwasher and made me coffee IN MY HOME.)”
E.D.: “Invite me into a trusting environment. A few friends goes a lot further than a ton of people.”
Type 9: The Peacemaker (easygoing, agreeable, complacent, people-pleaser)
Lisa said Nines are similar to Sixes in that they need to know that they will be okay. They often camouflage themselves and blend in to please others, so they may need to be drawn out with questions like, “What do you really think?” They may need prodding to do something that engages their body like hiking or going for a walk.
Mallary Covington: “People can show hospitality to me by engaging in good conversations. I love asking good questions and listening, and also love it when people ask me good questions and listen to me in return. Something that makes me feel super disconnected from others is when people ask questions but don’t actually want a real answer. Also, keeping an environment low key and low stress really makes me feel welcome and comfortable.“
A.U.: “Make me know I’m really wanted there and that you are ok with me being there. I crave deep conversations, however I always worry that if I talk about something deeper than the weather that I’m rocking the peace.”
***
Although we are each unique, most of the responses I heard sang a similar tune. Most people feel loved when they are welcomed to be themselves. To do this, we put aside our phones and encourage our guests to relax. We arrange smaller groups, ask good questions, and listen for the answers. We affirm our belief that the person we are talking to right then is the most engaging and important person in the room.
About Lisa Russell:
Lisa is a spiritual counselor and Enneagram coach at Restoration Counseling in Fort Collins, Colorado. She teaches large group workshops and team and individual counseling on the Enneagram. Visit the Restoration Counseling website for more details or to sign up for an Enneagram coaching session.
More on the Enneagram:
Enneagram Institute Website (has a test and descriptions of the different types)
Since writing a book called Invited: The Power of Hospitality in an Age of Loneliness, I’ve noticed many people have a nearly visceral reaction to the word “hospitality.” They either “love” it, or they are already skittering to the streets as they try and outrun the negative connotations. But what if we re-thought hospitality? Redefined it, even? What if it was just a bit simpler and easier to swallow? Here are a few ideas anyone can tackle in attempting to practice more hospitality:
1. Say no.
“Sorry, I’m too busy/have too much going on/already have plans …” are common refrains in American society. One way to show hospitality is to say no to busyness and frantic living. When we say no to another lesson, sport, or activity for our kids or ourselves, we reserve time in our lives for spontaneous hospitality and unplanned connection with people.
What happens when we step into slowness and retain a buffer in our schedules reserved for relationship, rest, and wonder? We begin to notice the living, breathing souls right around us. We have time for them. We may even get to know their names, feel known, and start to feel less lonely ourselves.
2. Say yes.
It’s easier for me to offer hospitality than to receive hospitality from others. As we risk the discomfort of giving up control, we learn the humility necessary for relationships to start. Has someone asked you into their life recently? What did you say?
When we refuse busyness, we’ll have more opportunities to say yes to pausing on the sidewalk to chat with a neighbor. We might have more energy to invite someone over spontaneously or ask someone to meet us at a park or outdoor concert. Clearing away the extraneous clutter in our lives leaves space for us to say yes when God nudges us to ask, invite, or welcome outside our comfort levels.
3. Respect the Zone of Hospitality.
I stumbled on an article recently meant for hotel staff, but have begun to apply it to my own life. It describes the “10 and 5 Staff Rule.” The rule goes like this: If you pass within ten feet of someone, called the “zone of hospitality,” you make eye contact and “warmly smile” at a person. When you are within five feet of them, this smile is accompanied by a greeting or some kind of gesture of acknowledgment.
While it seems obvious (and visits to the south prove the regional nature of the head nod, steering-wheel-finger-wave, and vocal greeting), I’ve started doing this here in Colorado. Mostly, I greet the people I pass on my runs. I often think to myself, What if I’m the only person who smiles at them or acknowledges them all day long? Some days, hospitality looks like a simple smile and a head nod to a stranger.
4. Just Invite.
Admittedly, mustering up the nerve to put ourselves out there and risk rejection is the hardest part of hospitality. But the truth is that it takes very little effort on our part to send a text to someone we’ve been wanting to get to know. We pull out our phones, swipe to our text messaging app, and tap out: “Hey! Can you come over sometime?” And then we worry about the details when “sometime” comes around.
Statistics tell us that 81 percent of people want to write a book in their lifetime. Since I wrote my own book, many friends in real life have confessed their secret desire to write a book of their own. Other online friends in writing groups ask questions about how to format their book proposals, query agents, or build their platform.
I often get asked the how. “How did this come about? How did you know what to write? How did you actually write it?” But before addressing the how of writing a book, individuals would benefit from musing over the question of why?
Why do you want to write a book–and why now?
When I wrote my book, I was 39 years old and had a one, three, and five-year-old at home. None of my kids were in school. Although my husband takes full responsibility for praying that book into existence, I still wrestle with my choice to write a book during an already full-to-the-brim time of life. Did it pour life into me and my family, or siphon off joy, peace, and family harmony? Why did I need to write it then?
Over the past few years as a blogger, book launch team member, and book reviewer, I’ve read many non-fiction books written by various authors with different publishers. As a writer, editor, and writing teacher, I have two thoughts:
1. Many books would benefit from better editing. While I’ve read some fabulous books, many that I read were too long, too wordy, or not structured well. Publishers are busy and editors have too much on their plate. Editors don’t have time to struggle back and forth with an author to get it just right. If you are writing a book, I recommend setting aside a portion of your advance to hire your own writing coach. The classics became classics because they had outstanding editors (see The Artful Edit).
2. Many people write their books too soon. We are eager to birth our stories into the world, but many of them are born prematurely. We harvest the gardens of our lives long before they have come to full bloom. Patience should be the writer’s greatest virtue. Our stories usually benefit from a longer time in the ground, on the stalk, or growing on the vine.
Last week my kids and I watched the 2016 animated film Leap about an orphan who becomes a ballerina in Paris (love me a good dancing movie). Throughout the film, her mentor asks her, “Why do you dance?” She doesn’t know, doesn’t have a good answer. Until the end. It is only when she internalizes her “why” that her dancing demonstrates the passion, grace, and conviction required to take her from average to extraordinary.
Some writers claim that writing is their calling. I wrestle with the concept of “calling” because I believe we over-spiritualize and amass undue weight to “Our Call.”
Instead of thinking of writing as my calling, I think of it as my compulsion. Writing is this thing I can’t not do. It’s this thing that helps me illuminate what I ultimately believe about myself, God, and the world. It attunes me to wonder in the world and invites mystery into my ordinary days. Writing–in my journal or for an audience–works out the kinks in my psyche and soul in a way just pondering or talking about those things can’t quite do. Writing, for better or for worse, is an addiction. A compulsion. A need.
I recently finished reading the compelling memoir When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi, a neurosurgeon diagnosed with lung cancer who died before completing the manuscript. When he finally resigned from his work at the hospital, he poured all the rest of his creative energy his last year of life into “finally writing that book.” In his final chapter he writes, “Words have a longevity I do not.” We write to immortalize ourselves.
But writing a book costs us. For me, the price of writing this book was:
Less physical time with my kids (which I was fine with, actually–“I have a book to write” feels like a noble excuse for temporary escape. Much better than “I have a blog post to write or novel to read.”)
Fractured and distracted time with my kids and my husband. (Nothing like a surprise invasion of imposter syndrome, comparison, or “But I can’t do this” lament to sideline foreplay.)
Much money spent on babysitters, new headshots, postage for mailing books, writing at a nearby Abbey, paying my own book coach and publicist, writing software, purchasing books for research, paying for my own advance reader copies (ARCs) to distribute to influencers, paying for ads on Instagram, and for my launch party. (My husband calls all this “investment in my career”… most days I agree.)
The mental/emotional toll of All The Voices. The result for me was often insomnia, sometimes tears, and the occasional freak out.
Loss of friendships. Every spare moment was spent writing my book. While I used to spend naptimes calling long-distance friends, I now needed to spend that time researching or writing my book. While I used to have time to chat with moms at pre-school pickup-up, I needed to rush home to get to work on a book about making time for people and building community (the irony!).
Before you write that book, count the cost. What’s it worth to you? Could your stories wait?
One friend says she makes decisions based on the criteria: “Does this give life to me and my family or steal life from me and my family?” But is it fair to use the “life-giving/life-stealing criteria” for evaluating the creation of art? Or is the transformation of my readers, their churches, and their neighborhoods worth the temporary strain on my marriage, friendships, and family? (This is where believing in a “Higher Calling” would come in handy. Higher Callings demand personal sacrifice for the greater good of humanity. Do I believe my writing is that far-reaching?)
In Walking on Water, Madeleine L’Engle says that “if the work comes to the artist and says, ‘Here I am, serve me,’ then the job of the artist, great or small, is to serve.”
I don’t write because it brings me or my family greater happiness (though I confess I’ve had moments of exhilaration). I don’t write because it brings me greater peace, joy, or helps me sleep better at night (it doesn’t). And I don’t write because I want to be famous, rich, or accomplished. I write because I must. Not writing is more painful, awkward, and–dare I say–foolish. Not writing feels like disobedience. Not writing would be leaving behind the topo map, compass, and binoculars I’ve been gifted to instead bushwhack through the forest blind.
Until we know why we write, our faulty reasons for writing and wanting to publish a book will lead us astray. (To be fair, sometimes we write to pay the bills … this is not exactly what I’m talking about here. There are usually about three hundred better ways to put groceries in your fridge and gas in your car than becoming a writer.)
Before you pursue that agent, that book proposal, that book deal, I urge you to wrestle with your why. And after that, ask yourself some questions:
Why is now the right time?
Would my stories benefit from a bit more marinating? A bit more time curing and being cultivated in secret? Has my story reached maturation?
Must I write?
As writers, we can google “how” to write a book. We can take classes, read books, join online writing communities, and listen to writers on podcasts. But every writer must work out their own “why.”
Why do you write? And are you meant to write that book now? If your answer is yes, then go in peace and serve the work. It may well be the hardest thing you ever do. (Just don’t say no one warned you.) And don’t be shocked if when it’s turned in, printed, and launching out into the world, instead of relaxing in a kayak on a serene lake or tickling your children under an apple tree, you feel The Tug. And you know. You may just need to do it all over again.
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