Keeping Secrets With God

Have you ever held a profound secret that only you and God shared?


I think Mary must have been an introvert, listening and reflecting more than she spoke.  After the shepherds stormed into the birthing room, marveling over the infant Jesus and (probably) loudly relating their story about the multitude of heavenly host that recently had them surrounded, everyone else in the room vehemently discussed the shepherds’ story and wondered what it meant. 

But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart (Luke 2:19).  She didn’t speak, just collected this news, mulling it over quietly.  She already knew she was in the middle of a magical story that would include every essential element of a riveting plot: strong characters, conflict, and the triumph of good over evil.

This was one of those moments that Mary and God shared privately, because who could really understand?

Have you ever had any moments like this?  Moments where life is a bottomless well of meaning?  Moments where all you know to do is to place them in the treasure box of your heart and marvel?  In her book Wonderstruck, Margaret Feinberg describes these moments as being “sprinkled with pixie dust.”

Have you ever held a profound secret that only you and God shared?

I have felt this way only a few times in my life.  The first was when I decided to move to China.  My roommates at the time were engulfed in life and death.  One was in love and the other had a family member who was dying.  And my impending move was not happy news for my parents, who hoped that God’s will for my life would lead me down the street, not across the world.  So I celebrated in isolation, rejoicing that God had made His way clear.  And I silently wondered how He would enable me to take this leap across the world as a single woman.  I considered how He would use me and whether or not He would seem different to me in another country. 

The second time was when I fell in love.  Like being pulled along in a current where I couldn’t swim backwards if I tried or like a slide where you can’t fight gravity to get back to the top once you have begun to fall, love was more powerful than I had expected.  But I was 10,000 miles from my love and all my friends and family, so God was my confidante.  He alone held my questions, fears, and hopes as I stood in awe at the strength of a love that could propel me in directions I had never expected to go.

Years later, having a human being growing inside me was the ultimate secret.  My husband and I didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant for weeks and though my husband knew, only God truly shared the incredible mystery with me.  God knew my child’s name before I did and had chosen that egg and that sperm at that time to create the person He wanted to create.  And when my son came skidding across the bed and was laid on my chest?  Inexplicable love.  Wordless wonder.  The kind of moment where human fingers brush the clothes of the Divine and power leaks out. 

I aspire to be more like Mary.  To absorb more and pontificate less.  To meditate rather than act thoughtlessly.  To be a contemplative in a world that demands action.  And I want her awareness of the presence of God in a normal, dusty stable that smelled of horse manure and chicken feed.  I long for her peace when all around her screamed that she should fear the unknown and impossible.

I am not Mary.  I will never give birth to the son of God.  But I am a future character in the same story in which she is featured.  Lines of sacred and secular sometimes blur into holy moments of recognition and are added to my heart treasure box just as Mary added them to hers.  In these moments, all I can do is freeze in amazement because God, the author, is moving His divine story forward–whether I am aware of it or not.   


What about you?  Have you ever had any moments in your life where you felt like you shared a secret that was for you and God alone? 

What would it take for you to become more contemplative?

Next post~Favorite Books of 2014 & 2015

Previous post~Living the Sticky Life

Linking up with Velvet Ashes and #Wholemama and Weekend Whipsers

30 Replies to “Keeping Secrets With God”

  1. This is a great post! Yes, I have shared secrets that were only between me and God! He is our safest place to share! Your last paragraph was so inspiring! We are characters in the same story! Love how you worded this:) God Bless!

  2. Beautifully written. Before I moved across the country, I was very extroverted – an entirely open book. I'm more closed off now, and part of me misses that old, wild and charismatic me… but I'm finding so much happiness in growing closer to the Lord and keeping more of my life between Him and me, only to be shared when the time is right.

  3. Yeah, I definitely think I am much less extroverted than I used to be, but for me, that may not be such a bad thing! I like the thought of having secrets with just the Lord, though, because this suggests greater intimacy with Him.

  4. Ah yes… I love Mary and how she pondered! As a pondering introvert myself, I have to agree with you… I suspect Mary was introverted too! I'd never really thought of it – but reading your words, it makes complete sense! I have most definitely felt that sacred intimate connection of leaning in close to whispered words with God! Just the thought of it makes one Swoon a bit, right? I mean, He's just so romantic!

  5. I am not sure I have a secret that only the Lord and I shared. I would love for that to happen. I remember the birth of my little girl with that kind of contemplation. God blessed me at 35 with my only child. I didn't know that at the time that she would be my only child. I felt blessed beyond words when I saw her. I know Mary must have felt the same way when she saw he first son, Jesus. Thank you for sharing.

  6. Wow, I loved reading this post.
    I can totally relate to the moving overseas thing — except that my husband did share in the excitement and understanding with me, as we moved together (with our son!). But yeah, everyone else had other ideas and plans for our lives, but God made it clear where we were meant to be, and although no one understood (or understands) it, we obeyed, went, and are here, hopefully for the long haul. There have been other moments and events in my life that I've kept between myself and God, too.
    Lovely post. Thanks for sharing!

  7. good post.
    My greatest secret was when God whispered in my ear while I was in college that I would marry a widowed man with children. That was a secret I felt was for just the two of us because otherwise I would have been talked out of it way before God was ready. It was a comfort when I did become engaged to a man who had lost his wife and a daughter in a car accident. He had two young boys to raise. Many people asked "are you sure you know what you are doing?". But I knew it was of God and that's all that matters. Didn't share it with anyone until much later in our marriage. And here we are 28 years later!

  8. Leslie, it is so helpful to think of people in the bible as real (because, duh, they were!). To picture Mary at this precious moment. And then later . . . having her son make wine for a wedding! And yet even later, at the foot of the cross with this grown baby telling a friend to take care of her, his earthly mother. Thanks for slowing me down enough to picture it :)!

  9. I always feel this way when God gives me foresight. And especially in reference to my kiddos. I feel like He's shown me so much about who they are and their futures, but when or if I tell people, they look at me like I'm crazy. 🙂

  10. Secrets between you and God – I haven't actually thought about it quite like that, but yeah.

    "Lines of sacred and secular sometimes blur into holy moments of recognition and are added to my heart treasure box just as Mary added them to hers." Love this line. Lines of sacred and secular sometimes blur into holy moments of recognition and are added to my heart treasure box just as Mary added them to hers.

    The picture is beautiful. Like a visual of one of those "holy moments of recognition.."

  11. Yes, He is romantic! I feel like I used to think of Him that way more before I was married, but you are so right. Love the intimacy of sharing secrets with our First Love.

  12. Thanks so much for reading. I think overseas workers especially understand this experience because so few friends and family really get it, so you find that much of your planning, dreaming and even your excitement end up being between you and God alone. Blessings on you as you keep moving forward in HIS plan for you!

  13. I know! I loved reading your take on the story, too. (the chaos!) Just writing it helped me to enter in and remember that we are characters in the story as well. Thanks so much for stopping by!

  14. Thankful today that God is a safe place, a "secret sharer" of our hearts. I've attempted lately to take things to Him that I don't want to burden others with, and it doesn't come naturally because I'm so attached to the input and approval of people. Mary helps me to see the value (and the possibility) of trusting my heart to God.

  15. So true. Most of the times I shared secrets with God it wasn't always voluntary, but you're right that sometimes we need to purposely go to Him before we go to anyone else. I need to be better about doing this as well.

  16. I too would love to be more like Mary, more contemplative with things in my heart. It's hard for me to sit and ponder. This is beautifully written and gets me thinking of how I can approach the New Year with purpose and intention.

  17. Yes, that quiet Mary pondering appeals to my soul as well. If only it were easier to sit and wonder than it is to run away or speak too quickly. May our years take on this spirit of stillness. Beautiful, Leslie.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Subscribe to my monthly-ish newsletter and I’ll send you the first chapter of my book Invited: The Power of Hospitality in an Age of Loneliness for FREE!

Welcome to Scraping Raisins!